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October, 2012

  1. Ghostbusting

    October 27, 2012 by C.

    Red blips mean business and sometimes play with your hair.




    The Amazon App Store offered up a free app called “Ghost Radar” last week. I have never been much for hunting ghosts because I am the biggest chicken shit ever. The only reason I downloaded it was because it was free and I thought it was a toy.

    Yea, I was wrong about that.

    Turning on the app, I had it in radar mode. Supposedly the spirits show up in colors. Red is the strongest and in my mind means it is near you and could braid your hair if it felt like it. Blue is the weakest. Yellow and green are in the middle.

    The best part of the app is words are spoken that the spirits are trying to communicate to you. You are supposed to ask them questions and try to have conversations but that is taking it to a whole new level that my scaredy-cat self wants no part of.

    I played with it at work first. Everyone was laughing and joking around saying no way it would work. One of my co-workers wanted to have it on his desk to watch the radar. It was on his desk for at least half an hour with absolutely nothing going on. He got up from his desk and went out to the shop. After about 10 minutes he wandered back in and sat down. Just as he sat down at his desk the phone says, “Shop.” We all froze and just stared at the phone. Holy ghost balls, this thing really works!

    Most days I pack my lunch. I sat down to eat in the break room and thought it would be fun to turn it on and see what happened while I was eating. First word… “Brought”. That could just be a coincidence…random word and I am reading into it that I brought my lunch. Next word… “heavy”.

    This piece of shit rude ass ghost was letting me know he thinks I am far too heavy. Ghosts truly have no manners. Is it because they are so mad they are dead or what? I turned it off…I knew the next words coming were “stop…eating…fat…ass”. F*%# you, Casper!

    The radar has been running since I sat down to write this blog. First word…”funny”. At least this ghost is nice enough to compliment my blog and to not mention the pound of M&Ms I just consumed for breakfast.

    Now to explain the next two words that came up, I have to tell you a little back story. I live in a duplex that was originally my grandmother’s. She passed away in the house in 2005 from throat cancer. The next two words were… “throat” and then a few seconds later… “problem”. I had to go to the bathroom to wipe myself and then came back to call my mom. I told her about it and she too feels it was my grandma. She told me a story of a time when she was very ill and asleep on her bed. She felt a weight sit down at the end of the bed. She thought it was my sister and asked her what she was doing. No response. She slowly sat up and there was nothing there. She laid her head back on her pillow and said out loud, “Mom, I am ok.” The weight then lifted off the bed.

    I have always believed in ghosts but this app has taken my belief to a whole new level. The app has around 2100 words stored in its vocabulary. I suppose the words and timing of them could just be a coincidence but I don’t think so.

    If I could just get one of these ghosts to give me some winning Powerball numbers or point me in the direction of a buried treasure I would like hanging out with them so much more. Until then they are kind of creeping me out.

  2. No TLC For Me

    October 23, 2012 by C.


    I shared last month that a representative from TLC approached me for being on a show about weird eating habits (my ketchup addiction). Everyone has been asking for an update on this. The update is they have not called.

    Am I upset by this? No. My response to the e-mail could be why they have not called. I located it in my sent items and thought I would share it. She has not called nor sent me the recipe I requested. Geez.


    Chanin Bissinger

    Sep 26




    to R



    While I think it is cool you have somehow found my blog post about my love of ketchup, I feel I am not the person to be on your show. I am a big fan of the addiction shows you have on your channel and I have seen the majority of the episodes. I do not feel my love of ketchup has any comparison to a man who has a sexual relationship with his car. Nor does it compare to a person that chews on glass, foam or toilet paper.  I mean, really??

    I suppose I could make it pretty freaky for the almighty dollar (baths in ketchup, a baby bottle full of ketchup I carry around with me so I can get a quick fix or sleeping with the bottles) but I cannot be bought (unless you are talking Honey Boo Boo money). If you ever need a writer for your shows, please give me a call.

    If you still want to discuss this, work would probably be the easiest way to reach me…I am here Monday-Friday 8am-5pm central time. 417-xxx-xxxx.



    P.S. Could you e-mail me Mama June’s ketchup sketti recipe? That shit sounds good!

  3. Meet My Pen Pal Kimberly

    October 20, 2012 by C.

    I hate rats and moles.




    As one of my random acts of Kindness I signed up to be a Pen Pal with I have finally been paired up with my student and she has sent me the first letter. She has also picked out the book we are going to read together, “The Naked Mole-Rat Letters”. I am not a big fan of rats, mice or moles but I am going to “stay calm and carry on” as they say.

    Looking forward to getting to know Kimberly and sharing my love of reading with her.

    Here is my letter from Ms. Kimberly:


    Dear Chanin,

    Hi,my name is Kimberly. I am in the fourth grade. My birthday is on  September. My favorite subject is math. I live in Southern California. My favorite color is blue because it’s the color of the sky. I am forward to meet you online! I am on pins and neadles because I can’t hardly wait for your next letter.I have a hard time with reading because I don’t get alot of info but  I want to keep on trying.

    What is your favorite thing to do? What is your favorite color? What is your favorite subject? What state do you live in? When is your birthday?





    Your penpal,



    Write back soon!

  4. Say My Name

    October 17, 2012 by C.

    Yea, thanks Mom & Dad



    I was given a really unusual name. At first glance, people say, “What is so unusual about Shannon?” My name is Chanin. It is not Shannon. I am called Shannon 90% of the time. Men especially seem to have a hard time with this. I think it’s because as women we are a little more sensitive about these things and want to make sure we are getting it right. Men just don’t give a shit if they pronounce your name correctly.

    So, let’s go over it. If you want to pronounce my name correctly, follow along.

    Let’s break it down. Chan—as in Jackie “Chan” + “in”= Chanin. Not so hard really.

    It is exhausting correcting people on how to pronounce my name correctly so I have just given up. I cannot tell you how many times checkers in stores will look at my debit card and say, “Wow, what a neat way to spell Shannon.”

    I quickly mutter, “Thanks” and walk away. If I were to correct every person that gets it wrong, I would literally waste away 85% of my life this way and I just don’t want to. After 41 years with this name, I am tired.

    When I was in 7th grade, a teacher read my name out loud to the class as this… “Charmin??”

    Holy shit balls did she just call me Charmin???

    “Charmin Bissinger??”    *Bissinger is pronounced like Kissinger. For some reason I get called Basinger and tell people, “why yes, I am Kim’s much younger and uglier sister.” *

    She did. It took quite a while to live that one down. My feelings will not be hurt if I never hear, “Don’t  squeeze the Charmin” ever again.

    Every so often I am asked where my parents came up with my name. I was named after an actress named Chanin Hale. She was acting in a TV series and my mom came across her name in the TV Guide.

    I am pretty. Name your daughter after me and she might get to be in Bonanza too!


    It is so much easier to tell people my parents were on drugs and came up with it one night while sharing the crack pipe (as my Mom is reading this she is hyperventilating and screaming,  “I never did a drug in my life young lady!”).

    I asked Mom once what were the other names they had been considering.

    “Laurel,” she said.

    “Like Laurel and Hardy?” I asked.

    “Yes, but it can be a girl’s name too,” she replied.

    “If you say so,” I said.

    Well, I guess it is at least good to know I was screwed either way.






  5. This Election Can’t Be Over Fast Enough

    October 15, 2012 by C.

    Not much of a choice.

  6. My Co-Workers Think I am Nuts

    October 11, 2012 by C.


    Just thought I would share this e-mail I got this week from my co-worker, Amy. Apparently, I talk a little too much about Doomsday Prepping at work because they are now shopping for bargains for me to add to my collection.

    I don’t think I am ready to invest in a gas mask just yet, but I do appreciate her sending it to me so I know where to shop when the time is right.


    From: Black, Amy
    Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 4:11 PM
    To: Bissinger, Chanin



    Description: Tactical MO4 Toxic Mask Goggle with Fan System Desert, Airsoft Full Face Mask, 4 Generations Antivirus-Style Mask

    Tactical MO4 Toxic Mask Goggle with Fan System Desert,…(0015307)

    Description:  (0 reviews)

     Today: $24.99

     Was:  $29.99

    Free Standard Shipping

    In Stock



    Thank You!

    Amy Black

    Description: Description: http://atcleasing/Unimark/Media%20Kit/Logo/UnimarkTruckTransport_emailSignature.png

  7. To Catch a Clooney

    October 9, 2012 by C.

    George, honey…I’m home!





    I have long been obsessed with celebrity. The reasons are still unknown to me. Actors, singers, bands, writers…if I appreciate their work I want to meet them. Yes, I know they are just people like you and me but they are living the life. Doing what they love and getting paid handsomely to do so. Signing autographs, posing for pictures and special treatment wherever they go. Sounds pretty cool to me.

    So my sister told me a movie would be filmed in the town she lives in. I immediately began to research the movie, actors and when filming would begin.

    Turns out the movie is “August: Osage County”, the play written by Tracy Letts that was a Broadway sensation. George Clooney is producing the movie and he has signed up a dream team of actors…the best actress in the history of film (just my opinion) Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Ewan McGregor, Sam Shepard, Chris Cooper, Benedict Cumberbatch, Juliette Lewis, Abigail Breslin and Margo Martindale (thought she was great in “Secretariat”).

    Now, let me be perfectly honest, if I met Meryl Streep I would probably turn into some blubbering idiot. When I think of her performance in “Sophie’s Choice” I still get all weepy and I know I will embarrass myself and frighten her, so I am hoping sincerely not to meet her. Plus, you know how you idolize someone so much and you meet them and they turn out to be the worst person ever and you are forever disappointed? I don’t want to take that risk.

    Filming started the last week of September and will continue for eight weeks. The weekend before the movie was to start filming my friend Cindy and I drove over to stalk with my sister. We loaded up in my sister’s mini-van along with her two children (really never too young of an age to start teaching stalking skills).

    We made trips to the airport (thinking the stars would fly in on their private jets). No luck. My sister drove us to a house that George was supposedly living in. We must have sat there and watched the house for 2 hours or more. Nada.

    The most exciting part of the trip was a drive out to the farm-house where 80% of the film will take place. The house sits about a half mile off the main road. There were giant barriers blocking the driveway. Do we let some barricades stop us? Oh, no.

    We got about half way down this dirt road and I see the security guard’s truck. I tell my sister to turn the car around and head back out to the road. No need to go to jail when it was clear no one was there filming. If there had been a chance Julia Roberts could watch me get arrested then it might have been worth it.

    “Nope, we are going down right in front of the house and taking pictures,” she said.

    We continued to try to scream some sense into her head. She was just too determined.

    As the van was swinging around in a u-turn in front of the house, I see the security guard stand up. This is it. This man is  sending us off to the clinker and the two children off to protective services.

    The security guard just smiled and waved. I rolled the window down, snapped the picture and told her to drive. She still objected. Wanted to get out of the car. I don’t know if she was wanting to roll around on her back in the grass George might have stepped on or what, but it was time to go. Live to stalk another day is my motto.

    Cindy and I will return for more stalking later this month. They seem to be filming mainly Monday through Friday so we are actually taking a day of vacation to go chase George and the gang.

    If we catch a Clooney I am not certain what we will do with him, but no worries, we will figure something out.




  8. Walk With the Walking Dead

    October 6, 2012 by C.

    I love this show!



    A trip to Atlanta to visit this season’s prison set and you get to meet and greet some of the cast then watch the premiere. Two nights in a hotel sounds pretty darn good too. I love staying in hotels especially when someone else is paying for it.

    I MUST WIN!!!!

  9. Gnats and Gatling Guns

    October 3, 2012 by C.

    The Gatling Gun




    Mom called me at work today.

    “Something is going on out back.”

    As I have shared on many occasions she thinks we are living in the wilderness or something.

    “What is it Mom?”

    “The entire backyard is full of giant black birds and squirrels. I think the end is near or I am in a  re-make of “The Birds” only this time a few squirrels are involved.”


    I laughed and suggested she load up her BB gun and go out there.

    “Oh, no. I need a Gatling gun to deal with all the animals in our yard right now.”

    I had never heard of a Gatling gun before  so I Googled it after getting off the phone with her. Holy crap! I can just see this thing parked out on her deck next to the BBQ grill.

    When I walked in this evening I called to make sure she lived through the re-make of “The Birds + Squirrels”.

    “Have you noticed a large amount of gnats in your house?,” she asked.

    “Yes, I am trying a trick I saw on Pinterest to get rid of them,” I replied.

    “We have never had gnats this bad. I think it is because of all the animal crap in the backyard. Booger probably takes some big dumps considering his size.”

    ***She has nicknamed the baby grizzly bear (aka groundhog) living in the backyard and she picks Booger of all names.***

    “Hmmm, well Mom I don’t even know what to say to that. I am going to go now and see if I still have an appetite for dinner. Glad to know you survived your exciting day.”

    “Listen, before you go…I am going to need just a few more BBs.”

    Why can’t she take up knitting like a normal 60-something year old woman???