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July, 2013

  1. My Fitness Bracelet is Possessed

    July 26, 2013 by C.

    Truly possessed.

    Truly possessed.

     

     

     

     

    I love a great bargain and about a month ago I found a superb deal on one of those fitness bands you wear around your wrist. It links to your computer so you can check to see how many steps you have taken, how many miles you’ve walked, how many calories you burned, etc. It also will work as a silent alarm clock and keep track of the sleep you get. Pretty cool stuff and I am always wanting to get in shape (although I am rarely motivated enough to do so).

    Once received in the mail, I threw it in the closet for a couple of weeks. Told you I don’t get motivated too often. This week I dug it out and got it all synced with my computer. It really isn’t much different from wearing one of those rubber bracelets for whatever your latest causes are (Livestrong, breast cancer, a sports team, etc.). It is a little thicker on the top because it has a piece that fits inside the bracelet that comes out to charge it up. The charge will last up to five days. Pretty cool deal, really.

    The first day I really didn’t add any steps more than I normally take and of course I didn’t exercise. I synced it up to the computer that night just to see what it would say.

    “Are your legs broken or are you in a wheelchair?”

    Hmmmm, not exactly what I was expecting it to say. It showed I had taken around 3,000 steps, so not like I hadn’t moved at all. It is recommended you take 10,000 steps per day, so I had a ways to go.

    The end of day two and I plug it in. 4,000 steps…a little better. But then I see this…

    “I would rather soak my eyeballs in acid than to see you naked. You’re a loser.”

    How rude! This thing must have some sort of glitch in it. Surely this isn’t what it says to everyone.

    I picked up the pace on the 3rd day, right around 6,000 steps. I was expecting it to say something like you’re almost there, keep working at it, but no.

    “Lazy fat ass, give me to someone who actually moves.”

    What in the world??

    The next day I went nuts and walked 10,015 steps. Whatcha gonna say now, bitch?

    “10,015 steps.”

    Seriously?????????????? No, “way to go, lard ass” or anything like that? Come on!

    If anyone is interested I have just listed this for sale on eBay, stating it is possessed by the devil in hopes of getting a premium for it. People buy the dumbest stuff, especially when it’s on sale cheap.

     

     


  2. Candy Crush Saga Owns Me

    July 19, 2013 by C.

    Candy Crush Saga was invented by Satan. That is the only way I can explain the unhealthy addiction I have developed with this game.

    It all started a few months ago, when several people started sending me Facebook requests for lives. Being the Facebook game snob I was, I would chuckle and think to myself, step away from stupid Facebook games and you might get a life. So confident was I, that I would never be addicted to such a stupid, time-wasting game. Yea, I am an idiot.

    The requests multiplied. It piqued my curiosity. What is this game that people cannot stop playing?

    What I intended to be a one game peek into the addictive game turned into an entire evening wasted and ended with my advancing to level 25. How could this happen?

    A few weeks ago, I was out to lunch with a friend that I only see once a week. She was late so I started up a game while waiting for her to arrive. She kept talking and I kept playing. She finally grabbed the top of my phone trying to take it away from me and I growled at her like a mad dog and told her to stop talking. For some reason, we haven’t had lunch since.

    Candy Crush Saga has been compared to Bejeweled and Tetris. I have never played Bejeweled so I really cannot comment on that, but I did get addicted to Tetris in my twenties and would play until my eye-balls bled. At least with Candy Crush you run out of lives, and have to wait 30 minutes before you are given another one (or if you are impatient like me, you can send frantic text messages to friends at 1am begging them to wake the hell up and send you a life).

    Each episode requires you to get tickets from friends before you can advance. This is what causes me the most anxiety. I send the requests and can go nowhere until I receive my tickets. If I don’t have them within five minutes I start getting sweaty and pace around the room. After ten minutes, I am screaming, “You bastards have no life-like me! Send me the damn tickets already!!!” It’s not pretty, but this is another example of the kind of person this game will turn you into.

    The game has also turned me into a hater of chocolate. In Candy Crush, the chocolate eats up the candies you would combine if you don’t get rid of them fast enough. This makes winning your level darn near impossible. I usually wind up flipping off my computer monitor (or cellphone or tablet) and cursing, “F*%^ you, Chocolate, f*%^ you!!!!!” Of late, just walking down the candy aisle of a convenience store makes me all itchy and I have a desire to start smashing all the chocolate in sight. Take my word, you will soon read a story about a person losing it and smashing up chocolate bars in a store. Hopefully it won’t be me, but at the rate I am going it is hard to say I won’t attempt it.

    Some levels are a breeze to get through, but then others like Level 65 took me about a month to finally get past (I am not participating in the date switch cheating thing that people are doing…I want to win the old-fashioned way). Once I got past level 65, I zoomed right up to level 70 and have been stuck there ever since. I feel like I won’t be stuck much longer with my latest purchase…I will be through all 440 levels in no time at all with my lucky socks!

     

    This should do the trick!

    This should do the trick!


  3. “World War Z” Freaked Me Out *Spoilers*

    July 12, 2013 by C.

    Hubba hubba

    Hubba hubba

     

     

     

     

     

    I went to see “World War Z” last week. As someone who loves zombies, I thought I would really enjoy it…all it did was stress me out.

     

     

    This is Brad Pitt. He is pretty even with chunks of glass in his face. He is a super bad ass man and the government needs his help solving the zombie crisis. Brad takes his family and survives long enough for the gov to get a helicopter on a roof to pick them up and whisk them off to a giant ship in the middle of a nowhere ocean (zombies can’t swim). He’s told if he goes back to work for them his family can stay on the safe boat as long as they like, so he goes off to experience zombie hell.

    Brad travels to Israel because they built huge walls before the virus swept the world, so they are protected and Brad needs to know how they found out about the virus before it happened. Brad brings bad luck wherever he goes. Some chick starts singing over a loudspeaker waiting in line to be admitted to the country and of course, zombies love noise. Crazy corpses start climbing over each other to scale up the huge walls.

    Zombie leap frog

    Zombie leap-frog

     

     

     

    They breach the top of the wall and are running all over the place having people snacks. They get Brad out of there but not before the zombies overturn buses and yank down helicopters to get to the humans.

     

     

    Greyhound is gonna be pissed about their bus.

    Greyhound is gonna be pissed about their bus.

     

     

     

    This is the part of the movie I really enjoyed because the special effects are pretty amazing.

     

     

    Black Hawk Down

    Black Hawk Down

     

     

    Brad and his new friend (some military chick that helped him get out of the zombie zone) jump on one of the last planes to get out of the country. They don’t even have any idea where they are going, but it is better than being served up for zombie brunch.

     

     

    One of many zombies on the plane

    One of many zombies on the plane

     

     

    Just as they start to relax, Brad hears noise in the back of the plane and slowly starts walking in that direction. There are zombies on the plane! If you ask me, this is way worse than Snakes On a Plane. Samuel L Jackson is a wuss. Mayhem arrives from the TV commercials and the side of the plane winds up being cracked open. But somehow Brad survives the plane crash with his military chick.

    In the meantime,  the government thinks Brad is dead and removes his family from the safe boat. They are nice enough to dump them on an island in Nova Scotia though.

    I won’t tell you how it ends because that would just be rude. So go check it out if you would like.

    It did make me feel an urge to start prepping again. The scenes with people going nuts in the grocery store trying to take things as the zombie outbreak was starting, has really made me feel the need to store quadruple the supplies I have now.

    The purchase I have made this week is the Ranger Hawk Axe. Wood chopper on one side and zombie eye poker-outer on the other. I cannot wait for it to arrive.

    My weapon of choice

    My weapon of choice

     

     

    So really, I am very thankful that I went to see the movie because I was starting to let my guard down again. It won’t happen again. When this hits the fan, you might want to start making your way to my house.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     


  4. Rental Car Parking Lots Confuse Me

    July 5, 2013 by C.

    Love renting cars!

    Love renting cars!

     

     

     

    My car has had a few issues recently…the brakes are making a little squealing noise and the air stops blowing out cold air after an hour of driving. I needed to drive to Tennessee for a family function and as hot as it has been, the thought of being without air-conditioning on my trip was making me freak out a little. Yes, I suppose I could have scheduled an appointment like a normal person and gotten it fixed, but I was very busy and Mom was out-of-town, so no car to borrow. After searching online, I found a deal on a rental car for the weekend and decided that would be the best way to deal with the problem.

    I arrived right on time to pick up my car and asked what they had hooked me up with (I’m not sure why but I always feel like I will get lucky one of these days and they will say, “You’re so awesome, we’re giving you a SUV upgrade at no additional charge!)

    “Toyota Camry”, she replied.

    Ugh.

    We finished up the paperwork and she gave me directions to find my borrowed car. A silver Toyota Camry in the first spot.

    I walked out the door and found a silver Toyota Camry parked right up close to the building. There were no signs saying the spot numbers anywhere. I climbed in. My first thought was, “this is the dirtiest rental car I have ever been in.” I suppose that should have been a clue but it was 102 degrees that day and my brain was not functioning in the heat. I slid the seat back as it was pulled up far enough for a 5-year-old to reach the pedals. Then I adjusted the rearview mirror and put the key in the ignition.

    It wouldn’t turn.

    My slow-moving brain thought this was possibly one of those cars that had a button you have to push while you turn the ignition so I am looking all over the steer shaft for a button to push. I couldn’t find one. It finally hit me that I was possibly in the wrong rental car. I jumped out with the rental agreement to verify the plate number on the back of the car.

    Problem solved. The plates didn’t match. I shut the door and moved on down the row of cars to where I found slot #1 (painted on the ground) and a plate that matched the paperwork. Hallelujah!

    As I was driving around to exit the parking lot I saw a man who had been sitting in the waiting area, climb into the car I had just been in. I think they should put up signs for visitor parking or something so as not to confuse customer vehicles with rental cars. The man had such a puzzled look on his face when he sat down in his car and had to put the seat back into position.

    I was just relieved he wasn’t able to see out his rearview mirror as I drove off behind him. I was laughing hysterically. I almost stole that poor man’s car.