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September, 2013

  1. I’d Like A Blog Post Without the Words Please

    September 27, 2013 by C.

    Leave the chicken out too

    Leave the chicken out too

     

     

     

     

    ***My friend doesn’t want her name in this post so in order to protect her innocence I will refer to her by her stripper name, “Sparkle Sundown.”***

     

    My best friend, Sparkle, was having a pretty serious surgery that would have her out of commission for quite a while. She is married and has two children and they depend on her for pretty much everything. To prevent them from starving, I volunteered to cook one meal a week for three weeks. If they got hungry before the week was up, I am sure her husband has heard of a little restaurant called, “McDonalds”.

     

    After telling my friend this, I started receiving recipes from Pinterest of main courses, side dishes, desserts and even a party punch with lots of vodka. Really??

     

    One of the recipes she sent was Poppy Seed Chicken Casserole. In the memo section of the pin she wrote, “Without the poppies”. I knew she wasn’t at risk of being randomly drug tested as she was off work to recuperate. WTH?

     

    “Hey, y no poppy seeds? I texted.

     

    “They set off my asthma,” was her response.

     

    Out of the millions of recipes on Pinterest she picks one that the main ingredient she cannot eat. This was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

    “Yes, make me macaroni and cheese without the macaroni please.”

    Or…

    “Beef Stroganoff… sans the beef. Beef plugs me up.”

    At least that is what it seemed like to me…

    So I made fun of her for an entire week.

    Apparently you don’t mess with a woman who has had major surgery. I got this text.

    “I HAVE FOOD ALLERGIES, TWAT WAFFLE! GET OVER IT ALREADY!”

    Twat waffle????????????? Ohhhhh someone is NOT getting any vodka punch now for sure!

    Sparkle=hateful.

    In case you want to make some Poppy Seed Chicken…with or without seeds…I don’t really give a shit anymore.

    Poppy Seed Chicken

    Ingredients

      • 5 cups chicken breasts, cooked and cubed
      • 1 cup sour cream
      • 2 (14.5 ounce) cans condensed cream of chicken soup
      • 2 cups crushed Ritz crackers (about 1 1/2 rolls of crackers)
      • 1/2 cup melted butter
      • 1 Tablespoon poppy seeds
    Additional Ingredients to make it fancy:
    • 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
    • 1 teaspoon celery salt
    • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
    • 1 T lemon juice
    • 1/4 teaspoon pepper

    Instructions

    1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
    2. Boil raw chicken breasts with salt and pepper until done. I like to boil it with half an onion cut into large chunks to give it more flavor. Let chicken cool slightly and cut into one inch cubes. Place cubed chicken in a 9X13 casserole dish. *Note: Some people layer some cooked rice on the very bottom underneath the chicken so that it’s a meal in one.
    3. Stir together the condensed soup and sour cream. If you wish to add the additional flavorings stir in the Worcestershire, celery salt, garlic, lemon juice, and pepper to the soup and sour cream mixture. Pour over the chicken.
    4. In a separate bowl, stir together the crushed crackers, poppy seeds and melted butter. Sprinkle over the chicken and sauce.
    5. Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until the top of the casserole is browned and the sauce is bubbly. Serve plain or over rice. We like to eat it with steamed broccoli and we mix it all together.

     


  2. Colorado Flood Relief

    September 17, 2013 by C.

    Please help if you can...

    Please help if you can…

     

     

    I lived in Colorado for a little over three years. It is and will always be near and dear to my heart.

    Watching the horrific flooding they are experiencing is really disturbing. I cannot imagine what they are going through.

    If you can afford to give please do. They are in need of our help. Feel free to share this blog and spread the word so others might donate too.

     

    Here are some groups accepting donations for flood victims:

    • The Salvation Army

    Help those affected during the days of storm ahead and during long-term recovery. The Salvation Army uses 100 percent of your disaster donations in support of local disaster relief operations.

    To give, visit imsalvationarmy.org or call 1-800-SAL-ARMY (1-800-725-2769) and designate “Colorado Floods.” You may also text GIVEHOPEIM to 80888 to donate $10 to The Salvation Army.* Donations by mail may be designated “Colorado Floods”and sent to:

    The Salvation Army

    P.O. Box 60006

    Prescott, AZ 86304

    • Red Cross

    To help people affected by disasters like these floods, people can donate by visiting redcross.org, calling 1-800-RED CROSS or texting the word REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation. Contributions may also be made by visiting ColoradoRedCross.org.

    • Help Colorado Now

    HelpColoradoNow.org is a partnership between the Colorado Division of Homeland Security and Emergency Management (DHSEM) and Colorado Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster(COVOAD). This initiative brings together government agencies and nonprofit organizations so they may better assist communities affected by disasters.

    • Foothills United Way

    Foothills United Way has established the ‘Foothills Flood Relief Fund’ to be able to respond to the effects of these storms. Organizers expect to use this fund for immediate relief as well as longer-term recovery in Boulder and Broomfield Counties. The Fund is accessible online atunitedwayfoothills.org/floodrelief


  3. Mosquito Paradise

    September 13, 2013 by C.

    I would be so skinny!

    I would be so skinny!

     

     

     

    The number one reason I don’t go outside is because of bugs. I hate them. I can spray on repellent but it does quite the opposite. Bugs smell that stuff and they are like, “Damn girl, you smell good. Gotta get me a bite.”

     

    So imagine my horror when I see a mosquito flying around in my house. I took a few swats at it and it moved on. I went back to watching football.

    The next morning I get up and I am itchy. My right hand, elbow and knees have bites. Perfect.

    The next night I worked harder to find the rascal and squash him. I carried around an old fly swatter with me the whole night. He must have smelled the aroma of bug guts and stayed away because I never saw him. When I went to bed I put it on the floor right beside me and covered myself from head to toe with the comforter. The thought crossed my mind to spray myself with OFF but I really didn’t want to stink up my sheets.

    The next morning, more bites. The backs of my knees, thighs and more on my arms. I ran around the house screaming, ” You bastard!!!! I am gonna squash you tonight and have you for dinner!!!” I don’t know why I said it really…it just came out of my mouth. I guess this is what anger does to you…makes you say some of the dumbest things ever.

    No luck that night finding him. He heard me and was hiding, probably in my bed waiting to bite me on the ass. Is there anything worse than a mosquito bite on your ass or boob? You go around scratching it and look like a weirdo.

    The next morning I try to lock myself in the bathroom away from the mosquito. By this time I am covered in bites. Just then he flies by my head. I open up the bathroom door so I can get more light in there. He moved out into the bedroom with me and I watched him move around. I wait…and wait…then finally…SMACK! DEAD MOSQUITO! I ran around the house waving my bug gut hands in the air screaming, “I killed you, you mother-fer!!!!!” I am so glad my neighbor the drug smuggler was out of the country picking up another load. It came out of my mouth before I knew what was happening.

    That night I go to bed at peace finally, knowing I have demolished the critter and won’t wake up to a million more bites.

    Well guess what? I had more bites. Later that night, I had walked into the kitchen to get a drink and saw the biggest mosquito I have ever seen in my life sitting in my kitchen sink (he  must have had 10 gallons of my blood stored in his body). I grabbed a dish towel, snuck up on it and smashed it. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! I went to bed feeling so great. No wonder I had so many bites, there were two of the little turds feeding on me, the only human in my house.

    This morning I woke up and more bites. I think I even have them on my head. Or maybe I have lice now. I wouldn’t doubt it at this rate. My morale has sunk to an all-time low and I was seriously considering moving out of my house. But as I moved to start my shower I see another mosquito lift off from the tub. I started backing slowly out of the bathroom…luring him into better light (apparently I have reached that age where glasses are needed full-time). He was stubborn and wanted to stay inside the damp and dark bathroom. So I started trash talking him.

    “I am going to kill you this morning. I am going to squish you between my hands and rub your guts on my face and do a victory dance. That’s right. I don’t even care if I am late for work. I will stay here in this house until you are dead.”

    It worked. He came right at me. And SMASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his guts all over my hands. I don’t think I have ever been this happy in all of my life. Seriously, if I had children, this day would be even better than the day they were born because let’s face it…children are like little mosquitoes that suck the life out of you instead of blood.

    I jumped up  on my bed and shouted, “If there are more of you mother-fers in this house I suggest you get your crap and be out by the time I get off work today! This house will be mosquito free. I don’t care if I have to bathe in repellent and sleep wrapped up in tin foil. I will continue fighting until you are all a squished bloody mess between my massive hammer hands.”

    I pray they are gone for good. I also pray that none of them carried the West Nile Virus.

    Why is my house suddenly the  mosquito Club Med? I really don’t know. The only thing I can think of is last Saturday a lady came to my house to pick up a dresser I have that I want refinished. The door was propped open until after she had loaded it and tied it down. I didn’t think it was all that long but apparently mosquitoes move faster than you think when they are looking at spending a week in paradise chomping on the Chanin buffet.

    Sometimes I think I should start seeing my shrink again.


  4. Happy Birthday to My Mom

    September 8, 2013 by C.

    Love you!

    Love you!

     

     

    Today is my Mom’s birthday. Most of you feel like you know my Mom through my blog posts (I have tried to give her a break lately and not publish every funny little thing she says). She has a great sense of humor about being written about and so far hasn’t written me out of her will for it (this is something she likes to threaten us with if we don’t do what she wants lol).

    Today I would like to share a little more about my Mom (she is having heart failure right now reading this).

    My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. It was best for her to be near her family so we moved from Tennessee to Oklahoma. My Dad only had custody of us for one week at Christmas and a month in the summer due to the distance.

    Child support payments were not what they are today, so my Mom had to work her butt off to keep us afloat. My grandfather had purchased a restaurant and the manager was retiring. He asked my Mom to manage it for him. It was a good paycheck but very long, hard hours. Sometimes 14-16 hours a day, in a hot kitchen (we would put thermometers out in the summer to discover it would get to around 113 degrees in there), on concrete floors, working alongside some of the craziest people you could ever imagine. She did all of this for me and my sister.

    She sacrificed her personal life. She didn’t have time to date or go to movies or just hang out with her friends. The restaurant was open 7 days a week, breakfast, lunch and dinner. No day off for her at all. No hair appointments, doctor appointments or calling in sick. Basically, her life sucked.

    When we got old enough (roughly around age 12), my sister and I worked alongside her. Not the same hours of course, because we had to go to school during the day. It was then I really got to see just how much work my Mom had to do. We worked with my Mom until it was decided to sell the restaurant when I was 24 years old.

    It was a tough decision. I wanted to keep it. I was about to graduate from college and would be able to spend more time there helping Mom out. But Mom wouldn’t have it. She didn’t want the same life for me that she had had for so many years. I had a college degree and could have so much more of a life than dealing with a restaurant. So it was sold. At the time it truly broke my heart. I grew up in that place and had so many memories. I didn’t want to let go, but I had no other choice. Where would a 24-year-old kid get the money to buy a restaurant?

    I have never admitted this to my Mom, but I am glad she made me give it up. It was a hard life. I had never gone to a school dance, never had weekends off and I was able to attend only one high school football game (I think it was because it was on a Thursday night for some reason). My life is so much easier now, with weekends and holidays off. More time to spend with family and friends…to actually enjoy myself. So, thank you, Mom.

    She is the best Mom and especially the best Grandma to my niece and nephew. She spoils them with clothes and toys all the time. I am not sure they are fully aware of all the sacrifices Grandma made for all of us, but hopefully sometime I can sit them down and tell them when I know they will be able to understand it.

    Happy Birthday to the best Mom ever! We love you and won’t ever forget all you sacrificed for us to have a better life.

    Love,

    Chanin and Brennen


  5. Christmas Has Arrived For This Girl

    September 7, 2013 by C.

    True story

    True story

     

     

     

     

     

    This is my favorite time of the year. Thursday, the NFL officially kicked off  and to me it is like being a kid on Christmas Eve. Instead of lying in bed praying Santa will bring me some roller skates, an Easy Bake Oven and will take my little sister with him to work at the North Pole,  I toss and turn wondering if I will win all of my fantasy football leagues and if the Steelers will be headed to the Super Bowl. The last few hours before the start of the games is like being upstairs, walking around on your tippy-toes trying to peek to see if Santa has come yet.

    The start of the NFL season brightens my mood tenfold. It means NFL games on Sundays, Mondays and Thursday nights. No more watching crappy reality shows because nothing else is on. It means the weather is getting cooler. Soon it will be sweater weather and I love wearing sweaters. The colder the temperatures the better. Bring on the snow.

    Football season means big pots of chili, pizzas and chips and salsa. NFL Sunday Ticket and the Red Zone channel are the channels of choice even though it costs me a small fortune. But I don’t even consider the price of something that brings me so much pleasure. I just plan on being broke for the next six months while I make the monthly payments on my Directv bill. I figure it could be much worse, I could be addicted to drugs, alcohol or scrapbooking.

    The beginning of football season means my heart is full of hope. My team has had camp, new rookies drafted that should be able to contribute to the team and every team starts out with no wins and no losses. Life is good. You won’t see me without a smile on my face for at least the next 2 months (if the Steelers are winning that smile might even continue into February).

    To make matters worse, I also love college football. There are weekends in the fall when I rarely move out of my recliner. It is perfectly heavenly.

    Speaking of heaven…when I get there they’d better be broadcasting all the games on a big screen or I will be super pissed. I am a football fan for eternity, people!