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July, 2014

  1. From One Chanin to Another

    July 13, 2014 by C.

    Chanin Hale on cover of TV Guide.

    Chanin Hale on cover of TV Guide.

     

     

     

    My mother and father were looking for baby names for the future me. One evening my mom was looking through a TV Guide (not the one pictured) and in a listing for a show that night she noticed the name “Chanin Hale”. She wasn’t sure how it was pronounced but to her it was “Chan” as in Jackie Chan and then “in”. She ran it past my father and rest is history.

     

    I have been collecting celebrity and athlete autographs through the mail for years now. One day I just thought it would be cool to have her sign something for me. So I Googled her and saw that she was still alive (she will turn 76 in September) and I wrote her a letter explaining how I had gotten my name from hers. I apologized for not having seen any shows she had been in…but that I would be thrilled to have her autograph. I also asked her how she pronounced it…I am very curious about that.

    I came home on Friday and in the mail was a thank you card from Chanin Hale.

    The card

    The card

     

    In it she thanks me for my letter. Tells me she has been busy taking care of her older husband (he is 97) and that she will get her things together and send my photo back autographed and answer all the questions I had for her. She even thanked me for being patient!

    I cannot wait to receive the autograph along with all the answers I have been wanting for a very long time now. It just thrills me to know that she seems like a very nice and cool lady…makes me happy that we share the same name.


  2. The Looming Vacation

    July 7, 2014 by C.

    Slow down so I can chew on your ear!

    Slow down so I can chew on your ear!

     

     

     

    For whatever reason I got this crazy idea I should take my mother and my 11-year-old niece on a vacation this summer. We are going to road trip it up to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore and a few other attractions, then head over to Wyoming and then cut down to Colorado and spend a day in Estes Park, then head back home.

    We ordered a few tourism guides and one of the things I saw was “Bear Country USA” south of Rapid City, SD. They have a “Babyland” where you can see baby bears up close and I thought my niece would love that. You also drive through their 250 acre park where you come across all sorts of wildlife…yes, including bears.

    I made the mistake of mentioning it to my mother.

    “Are you nuts??? Those bears could eat us! Or at the very least tear up your car!”

    “Mom, we are in a car. If it gets too close, I just drive away. Pretty simple.”

    “Obviously you have no idea how fast bears can run. They are much quicker than you think.”

    “Can a bear run 40 miles per hour??? 60 miles per hour? Whatever it takes, I can outrun a damn bear in my car.”

    “Chanin, I would just really prefer we skip doing this. It is just too dangerous.”

    “We are doing this…I have already told Blakely about it. She is excited. If the bears get too close I will drive 60 miles per hour to get away from them. If a bear can keep up with us at 60, I am just gonna stop the car and roll down all the windows because that bear deserves a tasty treat.”

    She gave me a dirty look and left shaking her head.

    I can tell you right now, I am going to need to be heavily medicated for this trip.

     

    Check out Bear Country USA!


  3. Painkillers Are Lovely

    July 1, 2014 by C.

    I love bitch mints!

    I love bitch mints!

     

     

     

     

     

    I have had back problems for a week now. Today is the first day I have been able to stand up semi-straight.

     

    The past few days have been really bad so I have had some very thoughtful friends and family (aka drug dealers) dropping off pain meds since my Aleve just wasn’t cutting it.

     

    First up was my pillpusher mother, dropping off leftover Hydrocodone from her knee replacement surgery. I sat for two hours after swallowing it getting a little crabby because it wasn’t working and then it finally kicked in. I didn’t feel particularly tired, I just didn’t really give a shit about much. This was very evident in my text and email messages.

    “Hey, Tackett…my mom wants me to take a muscle relaxer on top of this soon. Will I die????????????????????”

    To another friend…”Taking drugs. If the mixture kills me, you can have my duplex. Just save this message and show it to my mom.”

    I get a text back to find out what dosage of Hydro I was given. I was on the phone with my mother when Tackett tries to call me. My phone has those auto text responses. I thought I pushed I was in a meeting (none of the others made any sense at all) but according to Tackett I pushed that I was at the movies.

    The very next text I got from her, “You are high or something. I am calling an ambulance. What movie are you in?”

    Me: “WHAT?????????????”

    Tackett: “What movie are you sitting in?”

    Me: “I don’t know what you are talking about. I am sitting at home!”

    Conversations like this went on for the rest of the night until I finally passed out.

    Then Friday night, another drug dealing friend brought over Percocet. I took one with dinner and within the hour I was dozing on and off. I finally put myself to bed around 11pm.

    I woke up the next day around 9am and was feeling much better. I got on the computer and started scheduling my Happy Pills posts. Within two hours, my head was on my desk and I woke up drooling. I shook it off and went to run some errands.

    Got back, sat in my recliner and started dozing off again. What the hell???? If this is anything like what will happen when I get old, I am NOT going to be a happy camper at the old folks home.

    After dinner, I thought I would try again to schedule my Happy Pills. Within the hour I was dozing off again. At 7:30 pm  I decided to stop fighting it and just lay down for an hour. And I woke up just before midnight. Awesome.

    I got out of bed and finished scheduling my page around 1:30am, then climbed back into bed and woke up around 7:30 the next morning. I think I might have finally gotten that Percocet out of my system. I am extremely relieved I did not take this on a night I had to go to the work the next day or I would have never made it.

    This experience has given me a great idea for my next vacation though. Take the daily limit of each pill every other day and sleep and write down the insane thoughts that pop into my head. I am certain by the end of the week I will be well-rested and have a best seller in my hands.