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February, 2015

  1. If Women Had Penises

    February 23, 2015 by C.

    Yes, please!

    Yes, please!

     

     

    My niece and nephew came to stay with me for a few days after Christmas. We had a blast like we always do. I delivered them back home safely and went back to my normal, boring life.

    A few days after they had left, I had a friend over. She had been drinking a ton of tea (told you I have a boring life… I don’t have any party animal friends) and she needed to use the restroom. A few minutes later she comes out of the guest bathroom and says, “I think your nephew might have missed the toilet because there is urine on the back of it, by the tank.”

    I rarely go into my guest bathroom. It is just that…a room for guests to do their business and the owner to just clean occasionally.

    “WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????????,”  was my response to her. 

    “Boys seem to have a hard time hitting the target, it’s pretty normal. I mean he is only five, Chanin.”

    “Well, that is just unacceptable. The least he could have done was told me and I would have cleaned it up, but now I am humiliated because I have urine all over my guest bathroom toilet and you saw it first.”

    “Men do this too. I’m surprised you haven’t had more issues with it.”

    Men do this on a regular basis????????????? How? Why??? I don’t understand how this happens on a regular basis and if grown men do this, why in the hell don’t they clean up after themselves??? Apparently, I have only had very neat and clean men in my home. 

    Here is what I know. If a woman had a penis, she would NEVER miss the toilet. Not only that, she would put her penis to work and not just in the porn industry.

    1. There would be no more need for Smokey the Bear because women would just wander around forests waiting to put out fires with their new and handy fire extinguisher.

    2. A woman would be able to create art with her new penis.

    3. A woman would become a world-renowned ice sculptor using her penis much more precisely than a cumbersome chainsaw (although this method would take much longer than a chainsaw).

    4.  A woman would tie a line to that thing and fish while swimming in a lake (because we are multi-tasking creatures).

    5. Invent a snap on case that with the push of a button turns into a light saber and use it to fight evildoers.

    6. We would be smart enough to know that our manhood isn’t measured by the width and length of it. This would make us supremely secure in ourselves and less likely to be assholes.

    7. Dress it in outfits and throw puppet shows at strip clubs.

    Really, the possibilities are endless.

    It would also be so satisfying to make the money men make just because they have one of those things and also standing while urinating seems like such a wonderful time saver.

    Sadly, God did not make us with one of those handy tools so we will have to continue sitting on toilets to urinate and making less money, but at least our sex is better organized, much more attractive and always right.