I put this together for all of my stalkers and those who just feel the need to know more about me. I apologize in advance. Well, except to my stalkers who are thrilled beyond belief. You’re welcome.
1. I hate being outside.
2. Mainly because of bugs.
3. One time a bee crawled in my pop can while I was golfing. It stung the inside of my upper lip. My lip was huge. Bees don’t taste good in case you were wondering.
4. I love any kind of storm (yes, even snow).
5. Rainy days are my favorite…especially if the weather is cooler, like in the 50’s.
6. I was in a rock band in high school. I played guitar, but really wanted to play drums.
7. I have a set of drums in storage.
8. I don’t play them because I am scared of all the bugs in the storage unit.
9. Bugs freak me the hell out.
10. I love kids in small doses, except for my niece and nephew. I would like a dose of them daily, but they live two hours away.
11. I never had kids of my own because I knew my cursing, eating cereal for dinner (Lucky Charms and Fruitty Pebbles) and my love of staying up all hours would not be healthy for a child.
12. Also, I would lock them outside to play all the time, like even in the winter or overnight.
13. And I am super selfish and love to spend all my money on zombie toys, books, and Oreos.
14. Plus I HATE eating at McDonald’s. It is so gross. I was told once they use cow eyeballs as meat filler. No thanks. But kids love that shit, so no kids for me!
15. I however LOVE eating Papa John’s pizza and drinking Cokes.
16. I don’t drink alcohol. Ever. I know you probably find that hard to believe since many of my posts are about wine or drinking, but that is not the case. I have allergies to alcohol and I am never sure what will set them off, so I just avoid it altogether. I put those posts up for all of you. Yes, I am super sweet and considerate.
17. I have been known to sniff quite a bit of glue, though.
18. Not really. My mom just had a heart attack. Sorry Mom!
19. My mom lives in the duplex next to mine. I write about her all the time because I think she is very funny (especially when she doesn’t mean to be). She has threatened to sue me many times. I try to make her understand that it will all pay off for her one day (that means she might get a nursing home with activities like basket weaving AND also has attentive aides to wipe her butt).
20. I have always been determined to be semi-famous. My autograph has been perfected and I am ready for my 1st book signing. Guess I just need to actually write a book.
21. I have started approximately 204 books but have not gotten past the 1st chapter of any of them.
22. I suck.
23. One of my most favorite things in the world is breakfast buffet. Especially in Vegas.
24. I hate going to Vegas though.
25. I have two dream vacations…one to Italy so I can eat my weight in pasta and hang with George Clooney at Lake Como. 2nd one is a trip to Los Angeles to do nothing but stalk TV and movies stars for a week.
26. I collect autographs of celebrities and athletes through the mail.
27. Out of all of them that have been returned to me signed, the one that truly made me get tears in my eyes was Carol Burnett. I have loved her and her show since I was a child.
28. I love movies and I am a snob about them.
29. Such a snob, I have never watched Dumb and Dumber or Happy Gilmore. I HATE Dirty Dancing and Ghost.
30. I am also a book snob. Hated Twilight and 50 Shades.
31.My friends get irritated with me because I make fun of their enjoyment of such movies and books.
32. I had to have one such friend go with me to get my ears pierced when I was 26-years-old, because I hate needles and I was scared to death.
33. I still hate needles.
34. I would never make a very good druggie.
35. I would however be an excellent drug dealer.
36. I really want to learn how to shoot guns.
37. I also want to learn how to throw knives like a ninja.
38. I might be a little weird.
39. Ok, I am a lot weird.
40. I love each and every person for taking the time out of their day to come to this page and read the things I write. Thank you so very, very much.