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Best Product Promotion Ever

05/06/2012 by C.

A prize in every box!

Cindy Davidson of Salt Lake City, UT bought some discount tampons and pulled out a prize from one of the boxes.

Tightly wound and taped up in the box of Boots brand tampons was some cocaine.

After spending time trying to get the package open she called her sister to get her opinion.

“I started getting nervous because I thought it might have been a terrorist attack,” she told KSL-TV. “I called my sister first and said I was going to call the manufacturer the next day and she told me to call the police.”

Boy, those terrorists are getting smart. Waging a war on the women of America’s vaginas. If TSA starts making women pull out their tampons for inspection, I will either stop traveling or have a sex change.

Don’t you just know some drug dealer in Vegas is completely pissed off? He is digging through mountains of tampons and can’t find his shit. I bet someone will get beheaded over this one.

Personally, I think this was a genius way for the Boots company to sell some tampons. I bet after this story ran there was not a box of Boots left in the country. If this woman would have been smart she would have ran right back to that salvage and recovery store (what kind of dipshit buys tampons at a salvage store??) and bought every box they had left. Selling it would have paid for many a Mormon mission trip. At the very least she would have been able to afford to buy her tampons at Wal-mart like the rest of us.

Tampax corporation needs to pay attention to this. Screw the Pearl! I want some coke with my tampons. Can you imagine how clean my damn house would be? I wouldn’t be near as angry nor would I gain my average five pounds per period, because I wouldn’t be sitting around stuffing boxes of Russell Stover candies, cupcakes and Taco flavored Doritos in my piehole all while watching re-runs of “House Hunters”, screaming at the TV, “You are gonna buy that one because your husband is a cheap-ass bastard!”

If I could only come across some cannabis in my Midol bottle, this menstruation thing wouldn’t be near as difficult to deal with.


8 Comments

  1. Grumpy says:

    That's some funny writing. And for the record, the women always win out on House Hunters and the men don't get any closet space.

  2. Chanin Bissinger says:

    LOL you are right…you guys always get screwed out of the closet space.

    Funny how now all my ads on here are for tampons.

  3. nu G says:

    Oh My Goodness!!!

    This one is hysterical!!! As a rather hefty woman of stature…I haven't felt the need to get out my "sex-glam" swimsuit in a very long time…thus this product hasn't actually crossed my mind in about 100 pounds~~~but if there are now cracker-jack surprises inside then maybe I should reconsider??? Can you trade up—like turn in the cocaine for a weeks paid stay at the local Hilton??? If so, then I am in! Good One Chan!!!

  4. bill says:

    Yep, that's quite a story. I think whoever shipped the product in the tampons didn't go far enough with his research. There was a time I'd have slipped in the ally door of Sweats pool hall, which I only used after dark, and attempted to work a good trade, either up or down, as nu G has suggested. However, with all this drug war waging for years on end, the long tentacles of DEA extend almost everywhere now and it's hard to get away with much unless you have connections. My connections have long flew the coup. So what's a poor girl to do? Call her sister, who else?

  5. bill says:

    Excuse a second post. My memory is such that it don't always allow me to group all relevant thoughts together at the same time. If the research had been better I'd have said a woman may have shipped the stuff. The idea is rather ingenious.

    I know I have sinned with this second post. I will try to do better.

  6. Chanin Bissinger says:

    I love sinners, Bill!

    I got a real preaching from my mother this evening over this post. She is convinced I will be fired for writing the word "cocaine" in a blog post.

  7. kden says:

    Mmmmm, I'm always looking for new ways to make some money. Too bad I haven't bought those things in many years.

    So your mom wasn't disturbed at all by the fact that you said vagina in a blog post?

  8. Chanin Bissinger says:

    I read the post to her and I might have on purpose left vagina out and used hot pockets instead. lol

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