I turned 41 a week ago. It has been a crazy week but last night was the real kicker.
My mom comes over with a package in her hand.
“Ok, here is a belated birthday present I ordered for you. Sorry it is late, it just came today. Now, don’t get all offended,” she said.
I slowly pull this granny workout dvd out of the brown paper shipping package. You must be shitting me.
She must have seen the horrific expression on my face.
“Listen, I know you cannot really exercise right now with your heel spur (long story short…it is sticking out, pressing on my Achilles and the only way to relieve the pain is to cut my Achilles and they saw off the spur…months of rehab…no thanks). Exercise is too painful for you right now but I don’t think this will cause you any pain,” she said.
“Yea, the most pain I will have with this dvd is watching this 70-year-old grandma kick around her wrinkled varicose riddled legs only partially covered by her hideous hot pink leg warmers. Get me a knife. I will cut this damn bone spur out tonight,” I spewed.
“You are so rude and ungrateful. I come over and bring you this gift trying to help you and you just complain about it. Now, you are going to do this whole work out every single day. No excuses!” she informs me.
Wouldn’t it be funny if I couldn’t make it through the whole dvd and I passed out from exhaustion on the living room floor? Actually, that would be more sad than funny I suppose.
Here is an actual quote from the back of the dvd:
“Sit and Be Fit videos have brought the importance of exercise to the geriatric and less mobile population with significant benefit. I can strongly endorse these videos.” John A Fagan M.D. Geriatric Specialist
Between this lovely belated birthday gift and my injury at work this week, I am feeling like it might be time to put myself in an assisted living home or at the very least sign up for my AARP benefits.