Sorry I have been away for a few days. My favorite holiday of the year was approaching and I had to get prepared. No, not Thanksgiving. My favorite holiday is Black Friday.
It is a day my sister and I look forward to every year for different reasons. My sister loves it because she can get lots of gifts for her kids at bargain prices. I look forward to it so I can unleash my alter-ego, “Rammin Chanin”.
I become a whole different person on Black Friday. If I have to trip someone who is racing for the same set of towels that I am, then so be it. All is fair in love and retail.
This year was even more insane than usual simply because the stores decided to open on Thanksgiving evening. Usually it is just a few thousand nut cases that would get out at 4 am for some cheap bathmats, but with the extended hours the normal people were out mucking it all up for us pros.
Our first stop is always Wal-Mart. My sister wanted some 700 thread-count sheets they had on sale for $19.99. We agreed I would stay and fight for sheets and she would go try to get the Mickey Mouse bike for my nephew. When the associate screamed “GO” at the top of his lungs, it quickly got out of hand. The woman between me and the sheets had 6 sets stacked up over her head and she would not move. I lucked out when the woman next to her started passing the sheet sets back to someone behind me. So when I heard her yell, “King” I reached up and grabbed them. She looked pretty shocked and screamed, “we need those.” To which I replied, “then get me a set of king sheets and I will let go.” She nodded and asked what color I wanted.
“I don’t give a shit, just get me some king sheets!” I yelled back at her. No time to be choosy. My toes had been stomped on and I was growing weak from the kidney punches I was taking from the lunatic 70-year-old woman behind me.
I ran off with my sheets to find my sister. She was hiding in an aisle with a stack of boxes that would not normally be able to be carried by one human being but on Black Friday you gain superhero strength. We go over our list again and I go back out for a lap around the store to see what else I can get. I overheard a woman offer a man $20 for his cart. He took the money and ran. Others were stuffing their items in garbage cans and laundry baskets. I quickly gathered a few more items on our list and was trying to make my way back to my sister when a woman abandoned a cart right in front of me. God helps me quite a bit on Black Fridays. He knows this is my calling.
I run over a few hundred toes on my way back to my sister. We piled all our goodies in the cart and she went out to take her turn. We were looking for the $5 cds but could just not find them anywhere. My sister actually hunted down the store manager. He had no idea where they were but told her to get the ones she wanted from electronics and tell the checker to override the price if they rang up as $12. Is she good or what?
She had just returned to our cart when I see a woman eyeballing those sheets sitting on top of our haul. I gave her the evil eye and yelled, “Oh, don’t even think about it, lady!” She quickly moved on.
After Wal-Mart we went home to unload and to sleep for a little while (4 hours). Then back up and standing in line at Radio Shack at 5:30 am. We then made stops at Best Buy, Home Depot, two other Wal-Mart locations and Ace Hardware plus various other stores online once we got home that day.
For all of this time spent shopping here is what I came home with:
1 37 inch soundbar
1 video game
1 pair of house shoes
3 plastic storage bins
Total spent $74.
Did I need any of these things? Gosh, no. But did I have fun competing for these items and the ones I helped my sister get? Absolutely.
I am already preparing for next year. Just ordered myself a pair of steel-toe boots on Ebay. Game on Wal-mart shoppers!