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  1. Man Keeps Pet Alligator To Impress the Ladies

    May 17, 2011 by C.

    An Illinois man was charged for possession of a dangerous animal. Dewayne Yarborough, 43, said he kept an alligator in his house to serve as a “chick magnet.”

    This poor gator was kept in a fish tank and fed only 10 live mice a month in order to keep him from growing.

    Now, I am envisioning Dewayne to look a little like Dwight Shrute from “The Office”. He has probably been married and divorced and at this point pretty desperate.

    I am not sure what chick this would attract exactly. Maybe a chick that thought there was a chance the gator might eventually be made into shoes or a purse. It would certainly take a special woman to have a sleepover with Dewayne. I envision the lady having dreams of Brad Pitt sucking on her toes, only to wake up and find it was a gator sucking on her toes and he sucked a couple right off.

    Guys, this does not impress chicks. Here are a few other things that you should keep to yourself if you are wanting to impress a lady friend…

    Your collection of softball bats.

    Your Dungeons and Dragons chess set.

    The locks of your mother’s hair you keep in the medicine cabinet.

    Your beer sign collection.

    Voodoo doll used on ex-wife.

    That weird rash around your belly button.

    You get the idea. It truly is not hard to impress us. Hold open a door or two, have a job and tell us we are pretty. Or if all those things haven’t worked for you then invest in a pet rattlesnake. Chicks love snakes way more that gators.