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‘Bad Mexican Food’ Category

  1. Juan Bad Chimichanga

    February 11, 2013 by C.

    When I was in Springfield last month, a couple of Mexican restaurants were highly recommended to me. The first place was not very busy at all. As we headed toward the front door, Mom whispered loudly, “Did you hear that??” I said no and went on inside. We were seated at a table near the front door and Mom leans towards me and says, “Did you not hear that poor animal out back?”

    “Mom, what are you talking about?”

    “I heard an animal whimper like it was being hurt and it came from the back door of this restaurant. I think they are serving dog meat.”

    Of course she orders a beef and bean enchilada plate, took one bite of the beef and wouldn’t eat any more of it claiming it was dog meat. “I can tell you this for sure…it was not beef.”

    A week later we tried another Mexican establishment. We probably should have left when we saw the waiters that would be taking care of us.



    The restaurant was filled with a very odd smell. I thought it was possibly a little body odor coming from these guys.

    The chef came out to welcome us to the restaurant. I am not sure which made me more nervous, the knife or her showing me her legs. I got the feeling she had lots of bitches when she was in prison.

    Nice legs

    Nice legs

    The waiters stood in a corner and whispered, pointing at me. Looking back, I think they put some sort of hex on me for all of the times they had to refill the chips and salsa.

    “Hector, she eat too much. What is that old curse that makes someone so sick they never eat again?”

    “Oh, I got it. Abracadabra…Alejandro…Taco Hell…twits and shits. Thinner you will be!”

    And that is just what happened. I was so sick after barely touching my food that night. I dropped 5 lbs in 2 days. I managed to get to work the next morning and created a huge mess.

    The bathroom at work after I had an "episode".

    The bathroom at work after I had an “episode”.

    Here is what I had to eat the entire week after dining at this place:

    1 banana

    2 cups of orange Jell-O

    2 cups of chicken broth

    2 scrambled eggs (towards the end of the week)

    a piece of dry toast

    After being home for a week I am finally starting to get my appetite back. But you won’t find me in a Mexican restaurant anytime soon, unless of course Juan Direction is performing in the bar. Pedro is soooooooooooo cute!

    That's Pedro on the sax

    That’s Pedro on the sax