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‘Craigslist’ Category

  1. Craigslist Monday

    December 12, 2011 by C.

    Does this actually work?? If so, I am willing to pay $3 for delivery of some Oreos and a bag of M&Ms.

  2. Craigslist Monday

    December 5, 2011 by C.

    Boy, this guy sounds like a great husband.

    Funny Craigslist Ad #91: Treadmill – $225 (Hawthorne)


    Treadmill for sale modle pro-form crosswalk 380 bought for my fat wife but she didnt walk on it even five times also got a ab lounge same thing she didnt either I wil sacrifice both for 225.00 price is really cheap if you
    want delivery available upon requst 10 miles radious for $ 25.00 around south bay gallaria both are lying in my garage only dust on them but they are in good working order call me 310 321 **** oir hit me a e mail

  3. Craigslist Monday

    November 28, 2011 by C.

    I only took two lessons. I swear!

  4. Craigslist Monday

    November 21, 2011 by C.

    I think the car ads are becoming my favorite…enjoy! 

    STOP Waiting for Grandma to Die! 1987 Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra

    Date: 2010-10-02, 12:12AM EDT

    STOP Waiting for your Grandma to die so you can have her car! Buy this one and have a real old-lady car of your own. Let’s go over some of the details about this fine auto, which STARTS, RUNS, and DRIVES.

    *1987 Cutlass Sierra

    * 30,248 Original MILES. I know you’ve heard it a million times, but this car has really only been driven to church and the grocery store, and the cemetery– Old people LOVE to go to the cemetery. It is believed that this car traveled as far as West Seneca for a funeral once.

    *As an old lady car, this Olds had the privilege of getting ROUTINE MAINTENANCE. Most recently the car got new tires (whitewalls out of course!) and a new battery. The new tires could possibly have 1000 miles on them, which means that they are pretty new. It’s also up to date on its inspections, shots and vaccines.

    *The body is in DECENT SHAPE for a car that has lived through 23 Buffalo winters. The color is Navy Blue. There is rust at all of the wheel wells; some worse than others. There are some BATTLE SCARS on the body from lost fights with a white vinyl sided home, mostly on the passenger side.

    *Grandma is NOT A SMOKER, and had no friends that smoked. Lets be honest here, most of her friends are dead anyways, which brings me to my next point:

    *The passenger seat and back bench seat are virtually untouched. I sat in the back seat once or twice, probably for a trip to the cemetery.

    *The trunk is large enough for at least two bodies. Dark Body color is good for late night trips to Niagara River.

    *This vehicle comes with a 100% working AM RADIO, and a motorized (working) antenna. Don’t forget to lower your antenna for Delta Sonic!

    *FREE SNOWBRUSH WITH PURCHASE. AND if it seals the deal, a vintage Buffalo Bisons sunshade for the windshield.

    **Nitty Gritty Stuff**
    We will accept CASH ONLY. We are accepting other offers for this car.

    • Location: Buffalo (Elmwood)
    • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  5. Craigslist Monday

    November 8, 2011 by C.

    I love Craigslist. You can get a great price on some stuff and it is just so darn entertaining. Check out this ad. 

    NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra – $12900 (Ronan / Lake County )


    Reply to: [?]

    Date: 2008-12-04, 5:15PM MST

    OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

    It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

    This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).

    No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

    It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

    My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

    There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

    Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

    To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

    Rock on.

  6. Craigslist Monday

    October 17, 2011 by C.

    I am a sports fan. A big time sports fan but I don’t think I would ever even think of going this far for tickets to a game.

  7. Craigslist Mondays

    October 10, 2011 by C.

    Coffee Table of the Gods

    Date: 2011-07-21, 1:18AM CDT

    This coffee table is perfect for someone with a cocaine habit or shooting a porno movie.
    As you can see from the photo, the majestic beauty of this coffee table rivals earthly treasures such as: the color of the sky at sunset, the laughter of a small child, and infidelity.

    Qualities of the table:
    -The muthertrucker spins
    -Doesn’t have any weird splotches under black lights

    Due to the assumed large demand for this table, all inquirers will be subjected to a quiz to determine their level of badass-ity.

    The price of the table is firm: $7.83, four cans of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, and a framed photo of Betty White.

    • Location: Minneapolis
    • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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  8. Craigslist Monday

    October 3, 2011 by C.

    Here is another great ad that was actually posted on Craigslist. I can relate…that is exactly what it would take to get me to go for a jog.

    Jogging Partner

    Date: 2011-05-26, 9:09PM CDT

    I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape.
    I hate exercising with passion so the plan of action is this: I ingest Rohypnol [you supply the roofies as I don’t know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours [limbs to limbs using velcro] and take me along on a jog. Three nights a week. If you’re capable and interested, E-mail me so that we can discuss the fee.

    • Location: Des Moines, IA
    • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

    PostingID: 2405055624

  9. Craigslist Mondays

    September 27, 2011 by C.

    I thought I would try something different once a week. Every Monday I will share with you something funny I have found that has been posted on Craigslist. Enjoy!

    Reply to: [?]
    Date: 2009-01-25, 8:53PM PST

    We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

    I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

    At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

    I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

    What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

    I await your call,

    P.S. – If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…