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‘crazy person’ Category

  1. Principal Too Cool For School

    January 16, 2014 by C.

    I'm too sexy for this school...too sexy for this school

    I’m too sexy for this school…too sexy for this school





    Parenting is hard. I know that and I don’t even have kids. It’s something I had no desire to do…not because it’s hard, but because I would be the worst mom ever and wind up in prison for having my 4-year-old run my meth lab for me while I chilled on the couch in my pjs. *Note to my mother—I do not have a meth lab, this is a joke. Please do not call screaming at me*

    As a non-parent, I still vote to have my taxes raised whenever they have something on the ballot that has to do with education. My reasoning is simple. These precious little children will be running our government one of these days and I would prefer they be as educated as possible while doing that. Our school systems struggle enough as is and we have enough dumb asses in this world already.

    Here is a prime example.

    Marcella Sills is principal of PS 106 in Queens, NY. A challenging job, I am sure if someone were to take it seriously. Ms. Sills doesn’t. Her school has been nicknamed the “School of No” because they have no gym, no books, no art programs and parts of their facility smell like “animal urine”. When a teacher is absent the students are split up between all the teachers instead of calling in a sub. She rarely comes to work on time, wears fur coats, short skirts and drives a BMW. Instead of being taught, she has the teachers show the kids movies.

    It gets better. A school that is full of children from financially struggling families throws a ball each year for the 5th graders. Each child must contribute $110 in order to have a formal gown or tux rented (by Ms. Sills) to attend the event. What the hell is wrong with this woman???

    I guess my main question is how can this have gone on for so long? Ms. Sills has been in charge of this school for nine long years. She is constantly absent or late and truly doesn’t care about educating children.

    Thankfully, someone caught on and Ms. Sills is currently under investigation. The investigation started on Monday and it was said it was the first time she had shown up to work on time in years.

    Can you tell I am a little crabby about this? Someone should be monitoring schools at all times, not just wait until there is a problem like this that has gone on far too long. Where are the parents? When your kids don’t bring home books from school and you don’t see any progress being made shouldn’t you step up and do something? It could be they are too busy playing on their smart phones to notice much of anything.

    The world is turning to shit right before my eyes and though I can’t do much about it, I can write reminders like this one that a child’s education is very important and if you have a child you need to pay close attention to what is going on in the schools. I highly doubt this is the only case like this in our country. So sad, but true.

  2. Fan Letters

    August 29, 2012 by C.

    Keep your rude comments coming!





    I am not going to brag but I do occasionally get fan e-mails. Maybe the word “fan” is a bit much. So let’s switch that to angry stalker e-mails. I thought I would share a few of the better ones with you all so you can see just how wonderful/glamorous/rewarding it is to be a blogger.

    Hey Happy,

    I enjoyed your Dr. Oz story except all the talk about poop. I mean really, are you 12? Everyone takes poops but I just think it is something that should be discussed in the privacy of ones home or not at all.


    The Poop Patrol

    I don’t remember speaking about “poop” that much in the story, but I am betting Poop Patrol used the word far more than I did. Let’s count the “poops”…3 if you count their name. I think this letter might be from an angry constipated woman. Just saying. 


    Just wanted to tell you that you are not funny.


    Really??? I had to take 4 extra happy pills just to make it through the rest of the day after reading this. Why are people so mean?

    Pill Person,

    I cannot believe you joke about the abuse of pharmaceuticals. This is a very serious issue. People take pills way too much these days. You should really consider removing this blog from the internet.


    I am just guessing here but I think “Ray” = Tom Cruise. 

    One Happy Pill at A Time,

    I really don’t think your blog is all that funny. Have you ever been to Now, that is a funny blog. She even got a book deal from her blog. Have you? Didn’t think so.


    Yes, I am well aware of The Bloggess and her book deal. I have even read her book. I don’t find her very funny but that is just my opinion. So, take your Bloggess loving ass back on over to her blog and leave me alone! 

    Hmmmm, I love your pill hair. I bet you are super sexy. Wanna video chat?


    The sad thing is, this is the closest thing I have to a fan letter. But I won’t let that get me down. Better days/fan e-mails are ahead, I can just feel it. 







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  3. Zombie Apocalypse Coming Soon

    May 30, 2012 by C.

    Have you seen the news lately? Zombies are popping out of the woodwork.

    Let’s start with the face eating Zombie from Miami, Florida. A naked man, chewing on a homeless man’s face. When asked nicely to stop chewing on the man’s nose, Zombie turned around and growled at the cop, then went back to eating.The cop shot him, but our Zombie continued with his Sunday brunch. It took 6 shots to kill this guy. I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like a serious Zombie attack and it really freaks me out.

    Then this morning, I read another Zombie stabbed himself and as the police were trying to subdue him, he started throwing pieces of his intestines and skin at them. Here is the important piece of information…the police sprayed him with pepper spray before he started    the intestine toss and it did not phase him. Are you getting the picture, folks?

    Maybe this will help spell it out for you if you are a little slow…

    We’re screwed, bitches!

    However if you start preparing now, chances are you might survive at least 2-3 days. Look, the world is going to come to a bloody nasty end soon, so you might as well rack up those credit cards buying preparation supplies or just buy a bunch of shit you have wanted for a long time, because you truly won’t be around long enough to pay the bills.

    ***Note from the law office of French, Frye and Coke—She is joking. Our client will not be held accountable. Do not charge up your credit cards preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse. She is really dumb to believe all this crazy shit, but she pays us well.***

    I will keep this short and sweet as I am busy putting together my list of supplies to survive this mess. If you need a cheat sheet to get started with your purchases here is what I have on my list so far…

    Shotgun (duh)

    bullets for shotgun

    Monster truck (if you don’t shoot very well at least you can run over them)

    First aid kit


    Many cases of Coke

    Some of these so you can wipe the Zombie goo from your eye protection. Of course, Elton John is already prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse.





    70 inch LED Flat screen (ok, that has nothing to do with Zombies…I just want one).


    Friends like these that you won’t feel bad about sacrificing to the Zombies…

    ***Do not sacrifice them until they have found you a nice hidey hole, killed a cow and butchered it all up into some nice T-bones and built you a fire. Then you can let the Zombies have them.***

    This is some serious stuff and shouldn’t be taken lightly. The next story I read about someone chowing on another human or using their own blood as paint, I am grabbing my Bug Out Bag ( and heading for the hills.

  4. Am I Crazy?

    July 11, 2011 by C.

    I have been told I have some issues. Who doesn’t these days? I guess mine seem a bit unnecessary so I get picked on quite frequently for my craziness. I thought I would share a few of those things and let you be the judge.

    You will never find a dirty dish in my sink. Ever. Not even when I am sick. My dishes are rinsed and put into the dishwasher where they wait to be washed. That is what the dishwasher is for besides washing the dishes…they store the dirty ones and keep them out of sight. Pretty neat deal. People give me crap about this constantly. If I am at someones house and see a sink full of dirty dishes I begin to feel as if I am suffocating and have been tempted to fix it myself but most times I just judge the person as an uncivilized human and never enter their home again.

    I hate going to Wal-mart. The only times I will go to Wal-mart are either Saturday or Sunday mornings. Before 9am. If I am not in that store before 9am, I will wait an entire week to buy food or whatever else I need.

    I like routines. They keep my head from exploding. If I had a stalker, they would be bored. Every single Saturday this is my routine. Go to Wal-mart and buy crap. Leave Wal-mart stop at Sonic to get my drink on. Stop at The Donut Hole for a couple of donuts to go. Pick up my dry cleaning. Go to the butcher (I am really picky about meat so I don’t buy it from Wal-mart). Fill the car up with gas. Go back home and unload. I like to have Chinese food on Saturdays for lunch. I don’t have it every single Saturday but most of them. The rest of my day is filled with little things I need to get done around the house…dusting, running the vacuum or cleaning my car.

    I don’t like clutter. Everything has a place and I like it there. If I use it, I put it back when I am done.

    I do laundry on Sunday and Wednesdays. Occasionally I have pushed Wednesday back to Thursday but very rarely.

    I make my bed every single morning. No exceptions.

    I am never late. Ever. Not for work or appointments or meeting friends.

    When taking vacation, I like every day completely planned out. I guess that is true even when I am not on vacation. I like to know on Wednesday what I will be doing on the weekend. I am a planner. Not planning freaks me out.

    When I get home from work in the evening, I lay all my pills out for the next morning, go through my mail, cook dinner and get things ready for the next day before I sit down.

    So what do you think? Should I call my Dr. and have him increase my meds???