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  1. Candy Crush Saga Owns Me

    July 19, 2013 by C.

    Candy Crush Saga was invented by Satan. That is the only way I can explain the unhealthy addiction I have developed with this game.

    It all started a few months ago, when several people started sending me Facebook requests for lives. Being the Facebook game snob I was, I would chuckle and think to myself, step away from stupid Facebook games and you might get a life. So confident was I, that I would never be addicted to such a stupid, time-wasting game. Yea, I am an idiot.

    The requests multiplied. It piqued my curiosity. What is this game that people cannot stop playing?

    What I intended to be a one game peek into the addictive game turned into an entire evening wasted and ended with my advancing to level 25. How could this happen?

    A few weeks ago, I was out to lunch with a friend that I only see once a week. She was late so I started up a game while waiting for her to arrive. She kept talking and I kept playing. She finally grabbed the top of my phone trying to take it away from me and I growled at her like a mad dog and told her to stop talking. For some reason, we haven’t had lunch since.

    Candy Crush Saga has been compared to Bejeweled and Tetris. I have never played Bejeweled so I really cannot comment on that, but I did get addicted to Tetris in my twenties and would play until my eye-balls bled. At least with Candy Crush you run out of lives, and have to wait 30 minutes before you are given another one (or if you are impatient like me, you can send frantic text messages to friends at 1am begging them to wake the hell up and send you a life).

    Each episode requires you to get tickets from friends before you can advance. This is what causes me the most anxiety. I send the requests and can go nowhere until I receive my tickets. If I don’t have them within five minutes I start getting sweaty and pace around the room. After ten minutes, I am screaming, “You bastards have no life-like me! Send me the damn tickets already!!!” It’s not pretty, but this is another example of the kind of person this game will turn you into.

    The game has also turned me into a hater of chocolate. In Candy Crush, the chocolate eats up the candies you would combine if you don’t get rid of them fast enough. This makes winning your level darn near impossible. I usually wind up flipping off my computer monitor (or cellphone or tablet) and cursing, “F*%^ you, Chocolate, f*%^ you!!!!!” Of late, just walking down the candy aisle of a convenience store makes me all itchy and I have a desire to start smashing all the chocolate in sight. Take my word, you will soon read a story about a person losing it and smashing up chocolate bars in a store. Hopefully it won’t be me, but at the rate I am going it is hard to say I won’t attempt it.

    Some levels are a breeze to get through, but then others like Level 65 took me about a month to finally get past (I am not participating in the date switch cheating thing that people are doing…I want to win the old-fashioned way). Once I got past level 65, I zoomed right up to level 70 and have been stuck there ever since. I feel like I won’t be stuck much longer with my latest purchase…I will be through all 440 levels in no time at all with my lucky socks!


    This should do the trick!

    This should do the trick!

  2. New Time Killer…Incredibox

    May 28, 2012 by C.

    So much fun!



    I really don’t need anymore time killers in my life right now but I am willing to give up some Facebook time to play with this one.

    Incredibox allows you to make your own beatbox songs. This is a skill set I have always wished I could have, but the only sound that I can ever produce sounds like a fart, so I am so glad someone has invented this for people like me.

    Go to the site and drag the different sounds up to the guys and they start performing. The site also allows you to name your song and share it on Facebook.

    This is so much fun and very addictive. Try it…I dare you!

    Hopefully, I will get so good at this I will have to take my show out on the road.

  3. Criminals Never Cease To Amaze Me

    April 10, 2012 by C.

    Travis=not smart

    Travis Nicolaysen was on the run from the cops but took the time out to update his Facebook page.

    One of his friends posted on Travis’ wall, “Cops all over you.” Mr. Nicolaysen responds, “got away thanks bro.”

    He is wanted for not checking in with his parole officer since January and for whooping up on his girlfriend in March. If any of you ladies are interested, his Facebook status was recently changed from “in a relationship” to “single”. What a catch this one would be.

    The Associated Press interviewed his aunt and of course she runs right away and posts on his wall. “They wanted to know if I thought you talking on facebook while on the run was funny. Hell yes I said, because the keystone cop of clown county couldn’t catch you haha.” No need to wonder why this kid is so screwed up…his whole family is stupid.

    I imagine the cops are just waiting for this genius to “check-in” from the local Burger King and then go nab his ass. 

    If you have a few minutes, go to this kid’s Facebook page and read some of the comments. His wall is wide open so if the mood strikes you leave him a comment. Just be warned he does have one of those tear drop tats by his eye which supposedly means he has killed someone or maybe he just got it to scare his future roommate in the local jail. It’s only a matter of time Travis…

  4. Everyone is Going to Have One of These

    June 9, 2011 by C.

    A woman in the Netherlands had all 152 of her friends profile pictures tattooed to her arm. The process took two weeks to complete. It doesn’t mention the cost but I  imagine it cost her a small fortune.

    This bothers me for many reasons. I am just not a fan of tattoos. Yes, I know they are “in” right now and everyone is doing it and everyone has one. Everyone but me.

    Then there is the issue of what would I have a tattoo of??? I could go with ” I love my Mom” inside a big heart on my chest but I am fairly confident that my Mom would try to remove it with a cheese grater as she hates tattoos even more than I do. Sure, I could go with some sort of Steelers tattoo but that just doesn’t seem very original. I am not one of those women that just LOVE ladybugs so much I feel I must have one on each of my 10 toes. So that really just leaves something like an Adam Lambert tattoo. I know if I went down that road someone would lock me in the loony bin and toss the key.

    There is also the issue of pain. I do not like pain. I avoid at all costs. When I had an ingrown toenail removed recently you would have thought someone had sawed off my arm with a box opener. It hurt people. Seriously.

    Now, I really think this woman is nuts because your Facebook friends change so much. What happens when she starts losing friends? There is not a magic eraser that I know of that will make their little faces go away. Gaining more friends is easy enough, just go back and have them added. But when some of those 152 people see what she has done, I would have to think she might at least drop down to 130 friends pretty quickly. I wouldn’t want my fat face displayed on someones arm. I suppose a solution would be to put a giant X over their face when they part ways. That will teach you to un-friend me!

    All I have to say is you should all thank this woman because my topic this evening was to be about a woman that can have orgasms while she poops. Enough said.