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‘funny ads’ Category

  1. Candy For Sale…Bad Candy That Is

    July 26, 2012 by C.

    Hide her in your ex-husband’s house.

    I would like to introduce you to “Candy”. She is for sale on eBay for a bargain $24.95 plus $10.95 shipping and handling.

    Candy was discovered last week as I was searching for something unique to prank my buddy, Jimmy. This totally would have worked, but I started feeling bad and decided to send him tampon samples instead.

    I wanted to share the entire post with you all, but it is just too long. I think the small part I am going to share will give you the gist of just how nutty the person is that is selling this doll.

    UP FOR AUCTION IS A HAUNTED ANTIQUE BABY DOLL THAT HAS THE SPIRIT OF A 7 YEAR OLD MIDDLE CHILD WITH AUTISM BY THE NAME OF CANDY. CANDY WAS ALWAYS NEGLECTED BY HER PARENTS BECAUSE THEY FELT ASHAMED OF HER BECAUSE SHE HAD SEVERE AUTISM. CANDY ALWAYS FELT NEGLECTED BECAUSE SHE NOTICED SHE WASNT TREATED LIKE HER YOUNGER BROTHER & OLDER SISTER. SHE ALWAYS FELT LEFT OUT & SHE WAS ALWAYS SAD AND DEPRESSED.

    THIS BABY DOLL IS VERY ACTIVE & UNIQUE, SHE HATES TO BE NEGLECTED. SHE REQUIRES ALOT OF LOVE AND ATTENTION AND WHEN SHE FEELS SHE IS NOT GETTING IT, SHE WILL NOT LET YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT. SHE WILL FLICKER THE LIGHTS MAKE BANGING NOISES AT NIGHT TO KEEP YOU AWAKE AND THE SPIRIT OF THE DOLL WILL CLIMB INTO YOUR BED AT NIGHT. THERE WILL BE TIMES WHEN YOU FEEL THE MATTRESS MOVE LIKE IF THERE IS SOMEONE WALKING ON TOP OF THE MATTRESS. THERE WILL BE OTHER TIMES WHEN YOU HEAR SOMEONE RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS & THERE WILL BE OTHER TIMES WHEN YOU WILL CONSTANTLY WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BECAUSE YOU WILL HEAR SOMEONE WISPERING IN YOUR EAR.

    Wow. I am the biggest scaredy-cat in the world and if this thing crawled in bed with me at night all on its own, I am certain I would have a heart attack. Give her a knife and she is the female version of “Chucky” except with a few more personal issues.

    When I was younger we had a ghost in our house. I never saw her, but my mom did. I did however see plenty of the little pranks she liked to play. Turning the TV on and off, changing the channel on the TV, opening every single cabinet and drawer in our kitchen and tapping on the walls. Needless to say, I moved out and left my mom and little sister to fend for themselves. I am no dummy.

    So, if you are interested in purchasing Candy, head on over to eBay. She would make the perfect gift for an ex-husband or  a mean boss. Even though I would be scared to death to have her, I am a little curious. If you buy her let me know how it goes and if you ever need to get rid of her, we can always call in Chucky to take her off your hands.

    Ohhhhhhhhh I love Candy!

     

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  2. Craigslist Monday

    December 5, 2011 by C.

    Boy, this guy sounds like a great husband.

    Funny Craigslist Ad #91: Treadmill – $225 (Hawthorne)

    crosswalk_380

    Treadmill for sale modle pro-form crosswalk 380 bought for my fat wife but she didnt walk on it even five times also got a ab lounge same thing she didnt either I wil sacrifice both for 225.00 price is really cheap if you
    want delivery available upon requst 10 miles radious for $ 25.00 around south bay gallaria both are lying in my garage only dust on them but they are in good working order call me 310 321 **** oir hit me a e mail
    thanks.

    http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/spo/1708814641.html


  3. Craigslist Monday

    November 8, 2011 by C.



    I love Craigslist. You can get a great price on some stuff and it is just so darn entertaining. Check out this ad. 


    NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra – $12900 (Ronan / Lake County )

    ——————————————————————————–

    Reply to: sale-945361858@craigslist.org [?]

    Date: 2008-12-04, 5:15PM MST

    OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

    It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

    This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).

    No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

    It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

    My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

    There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

    Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

    To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

    Rock on.


  4. Craigslist Monday

    October 24, 2011 by C.



    What are people thinking??? Sure, I will give you a $1000 computer for a box of crayons and a bag of ranch corn nuts…sounds like a fair deal to me.


  5. Craigslist Monday

    October 17, 2011 by C.

    I am a sports fan. A big time sports fan but I don’t think I would ever even think of going this far for tickets to a game.


  6. Craigslist Mondays

    October 10, 2011 by C.

    Coffee Table of the Gods


    Date: 2011-07-21, 1:18AM CDT


    This coffee table is perfect for someone with a cocaine habit or shooting a porno movie.
    As you can see from the photo, the majestic beauty of this coffee table rivals earthly treasures such as: the color of the sky at sunset, the laughter of a small child, and infidelity.

    Qualities of the table:
    -Carpeted
    -Mirrored
    -The muthertrucker spins
    -Doesn’t have any weird splotches under black lights

    Due to the assumed large demand for this table, all inquirers will be subjected to a quiz to determine their level of badass-ity.

    The price of the table is firm: $7.83, four cans of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, and a framed photo of Betty White.

    • Location: Minneapolis
    • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


    image 0 image 1
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  7. Craigslist Monday

    October 3, 2011 by C.

    Here is another great ad that was actually posted on Craigslist. I can relate…that is exactly what it would take to get me to go for a jog.

    Jogging Partner


    Date: 2011-05-26, 9:09PM CDT


    I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape.
    I hate exercising with passion so the plan of action is this: I ingest Rohypnol [you supply the roofies as I don’t know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours [limbs to limbs using velcro] and take me along on a jog. Three nights a week. If you’re capable and interested, E-mail me so that we can discuss the fee.

    • Location: Des Moines, IA
    • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

    PostingID: 2405055624