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‘glam’ Category

  1. Million Dollar TV

    June 23, 2012 by C.

    Carter Oosterhouse= hot handyman

     

     

     

     

    Like most women, I watch my fair share of HGTV. A show that I look forward to each week is “Million Dollar Rooms” hosted by hottie Carter Oosterhouse. It airs on Tuesday  nights 7:30pm central. Aside from the eye-candy host, it completely amuses me to see what people are stupid enough to waste their money on.

    I try to put myself in their position. My bank account has millions of dollars in it just sitting around on shelves in the vault, so why not blow it on a rock-climbing wall in my house? Or heck, let’s just put a zoo in our backyard. The grand-kids will love it until the monkey mistakes their little fingers for miniature bananas.

    Indoor basketball and tennis courts, 50’s diners, massage rooms, disco rooms, massive aquariums, shooting range, movie theaters, bowling alleys and last but not least a $10 million dollar indoor pool room. With $10 million to spend on one room of my house, I am afraid I would put in a Papa John’s and Walgreens so I would never have to leave the house again.

    Every episode has me wondering what in the hell these people do for a living to afford all this useless stuff? Many of the homes were shown by real estate brokers and you don’t get to see the actual owner (I assume this is because they are horribly embarrassed by what they have wasted their money on and don’t want beaten up the next time they are shopping at Sam’s Club). They must have invented something awesome like the Boyfriend Pillow.

     

     

     

    I mean seriously…this is freaking awesome. Splash a little cologne on the shirt (not sure why he didn’t come wearing a pajama top, but I went ahead and made one for him myself) and  you really never need a man around except for killing rodents.

    Clearly I did not pass Home Economics class.

    Now, where was I? Oh yes, people spending their money on stupid shit. One episode had Barbi Benton sharing her tacky house off to the cameras. You remember Barbi…she was in Playboy back in the 70’s and is known for her “Hee Haw” appearances. This episode proves that all the money in the world cannot buy you an ounce of decorating taste. If you don’t believe me, let me show you what her front yard looks like.

    WTF??????????????????????

     

    While I don’t know these people and what they do with the rest of their money, it just seems they could find something better to do with it. Donate it, start a charity, see the world or just give it to me.


  2. My Glamorous Life

    May 20, 2011 by C.

    I am often approached at restaurants and on the street by people just so curious about my life as a blogger.

    “Where do you come up with these funny ideas for stories?”

    “Did you take a class to learn how to be funny?”

    “Is your mom really that mean to you?”

    So I thought tonight would be a great night to just lay it all out there. This my friends, is a picture of my working area. Spectacular don’t you think? So glamorous. Let me walk you through it.

    Orange notebook- “Clippings” I learned this in one of my 30 writing courses. You make a notebook and when you see a story about something you might like to write about one day, you keep it in there.

    Router, modem, tv remote control, my glasses case, calculator (to add up the HUGE amount of money I make off this blog), little notepad under calculator. Carmex for my sensitive lips, Nivea Creame for my chapped hands, 25% off coupon for Ruby Tuesday, winning horse racing ticket (thank you Animal Kingdom).

    Moving across the folding table we have my mouse pad with several pills on it. This blog isn’t about happy pills for no reason. One of which I call my “Super crazy pill”. You can never know when a reader will leave a hateful comment that makes me cry and the only thing to get me to snap out of an evening of self-loathing is that little pill. Nasal spray, another notebook, cd cleaner (for when I play my Adam Lambert cds so much it wears them out), can of that computer spray crap, pens and highlighter. Dixie Cup with tea, resting on my Steelers coaster.

    Keyboard, monitor with Adam Lambert as wallpaper and the pieces of paper…the one at the top is out of a fortune cookie I got recently and it reads,” From now on your kindness will lead you to success.” I am really not a kind person, so it makes me giggle when I read it.

    The white paper on the bottom is a list of goals I made for myself. Most of which would get me in trouble at work so those I won’t share…but I will share this one…”#3 Have Happy Pill blog up to 50 followers by December 31st, 2011.” I have 6 right now so that one is probably a bit of a reach…but isn’t that why it is called a goal??? DUH!

    Last but not least…lets talk about the folding table. It is broken. Hard to see in the photo but the monitor is leaning. If I get into a major typing frenzy, I have to hold the table up with my left knee. Yes, it might be time to break down and purchase a real desk.

    That is it. My super glamorous life as a blogger. I hope you enjoyed a peek into the lifestyle of this rich and famous woman. I am sure you will go to bed tonight thinking, “Man, I wish I was a rich and successful Blogger like Chanin.”

    Keep dreaming bitches.