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‘Gwyneth Paltrow’ Category

  1. Let Your Freak Fly

    February 11, 2012 by C.

    Can you say fruitcake???

    Most days I mentally abuse myself about my position in life at age 40.

    “Don’t make enough money.”

    “Going nowhere fast.”

    “Don’t own a house like normal people my age.”

    “I drive a Kia.”

    “No kids for me. At this age, my eggs must be like dried up raisins.”

    Blah blah blah. You get the picture. For the next few months, I will get a break from all that. Why?? Well, because the best show ever is starting a new season and watching these people makes me feel like I have my shit more together than Gwyneth Paltrow.

    *Gwynnie, if you are reading this…I simply ADORE you. I started putting my eye cream in the fridge just like you said to do in your blog. I still have nasty bags under my eyes, but it gives me the chance to eat a couple of chocolate eclairs while I am in there digging for that jar of eye cream. Call me!*

    “My Strange Addiction” starts this Sunday, on TLC at 9pm central. This season is going to be a doozie. The very first episode will feature Nathaniel. My boy Nate loves taking his car out for dates and um…well he…oh boy…he gets busy with his car and I don’t mean a running errands kind of busy. 27-years-old and has been dating “Chase” for 5 years now.

    Nathan, you are a freaky man. I am 10 steps closer to Gwynnie level.

    On the same episode, we will meet a woman addicted to snorting baby powder and has been doing so for 10 years (I bet she smells really good though). I am feeling so damn good about myself right now.

    Also this season you will get to see a woman addicted to eating cat food. She will have several cans of the wet stuff and about 900 cat treats a day. Most people (especially me) really fear having to eat cat food one day when our retirement runs out, so I am hoping to learn how to embrace a “Friskies” fix. Probably not as good as “Fancy Feast” but I won’t be able to afford that shit.

    A moth ball sniffer, a woman addicted to her size 38KKK boobies, even while they are causing her health issues, a woman that eats tape, another woman that drinks 5 bottles of nail polish a day (I bet her insides are so pretty and she pees rainbow colors).

    So, please join me in watching the freak fest on Sunday night. Everyone needs to be reminded of just how normal they are occasionally.