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‘hot pockets’ Category

  1. Shaving And Driving: The New Texting And Driving

    July 14, 2011 by C.

    This story is a year old but I had never seen it and it made me laugh for most of the day so I thought I would share.

    So let’s say you had just gotten a DUI, you are on probation, your car had been seized and you have no insurance or registration…oh and your driver’s license has been suspended. Would it seem like a good idea to get back in a car? I guess maybe if you really needed to get somewhere (emergency room, drug dealer or Adam Lambert concert). And would it seem like an even better idea to get in the car with a razor and trim up your nether regions while driving? Megan Barnes thought this was a great idea.

    She and her ex-husband got into a car to drive to her boyfriend’s house for a date. Yep, I said ex-husband. Wait, it gets better. The ex-husband was holding the steering wheel for Megan so she could use two hands to trim her hedge. Their car rear-ended another car going 45 mph. How this woman is not missing half of her vagina is beyond me. I can be standing perfectly still in a shower shaving my legs and have to tie on a tourniquet to stop the bleeding from one little nick. I can only imagine the damage done down below while shaving and crashing at 45 mph. Can you say steak tar-tar?

    The police show up and Megan tells them she was on her way to a date and “wanted to be ready for the visit.” After seeing a photo of Megan and her issue with black roots, I am thinking she might have been better off bleaching her hair while driving. Less dangerous and maybe two tone hair would be more of a turn off than the Garden of Eden growing down below. I mean really, are men that picky? I think not. I read a story the other day about a grandpa having his way with the family bulldog. They will stick it into pretty much any hole available.

    Come to think of it, I would like to blame this tragedy on men. We women go out of our way to make ourselves look attractive to you in every way imaginable (and some unimaginable). This little lady was so jazzed about having a date she was willing to risk driving when she was not supposed to and was cleaning up her hot pocket in a moving vehicle. How hard did her boyfriend work on getting ready for their date? At most he MIGHT have taken a bath and put on the pair of underwear that had the least amount of poop stains.

    The ex-husband. He is very much to blame. Could he not have suggested that maybe this was not the best idea in the world and perhaps they would be better off staying home? What kind of man holds the steering wheel while a woman shaves down there? Was he advising her on her work? “Honey, you missed a spot. Nope a little more to the left. You got it!”

    I cannot tell you how shocked I was when I saw these people were from Florida. Nothing weird ever happens down there.