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‘McDonald’s’ Category

  1. McDonald’s Double Drive-Thru: Hell On Earth

    May 2, 2017 by C.

    Hell on Earth


    This country’s been full of angry assholes for several years now. So what did McDonald’s do? Gave them a reason to lose their shit even more…the double drive-thru. So you can collect your heart attack in a bag 30 seconds faster than back in the days of the single line (just think of all the text messages you can send with those precious extra seconds).

    The person who came up with this idiotic idea should be in prison right now. I cannot tell you how many videos I’ve seen floating around on the internets where one car gets dissed and the driver gets out and beats the hell out of the person behind them or in front of them if said person jumped ahead of them in line. It’s just ridiculous. Just this past Sunday, a man was killed in a McDonald’s drive-thru located in Bedford, Indiana.

    According to witnesses, a car in the rear of the line honked. The lunatic up front got it in his crazy head that he was being honked at and it made him angry. He got out of his truck and walked back to what he thought was the guilty automobile, where he found Marine Veteran, Justin Lampkins and punched him in the face. Lampkins gets out of his truck to defend himself and was shot dead. This poor young man lost his life because of double drive-thru rage.

    The problem with the double drive-thru is no one knows the proper etiquette. I wish I could say I could help you out and show you the way so nothing like this ever happens to you, but I really have no clue. My understanding has always been the person who completes their order first, moves forward. But I’ve also read about people who think you need to wait at the entrance, blocking BOTH LANES until one of the lanes is free and then move forward to place an order. Um, no. I can promise you that’s not the way to do it and a good way to get attacked by the line of people stuck out in the road waiting to even pull into McDonald’s due to your lack of etiquette. I’m not gonna lie. I might even get out of my car and jump up and down on your hood for that one.

    Others say, just take turns no matter who ordered first. Well, that’s just stupid because someone else might get my McNuggets and I’ll lose my mind if I get home to find a damn Filet-O-Fish in the bag. LOSE. MY. MIND. Don’t even THINK about depriving me of my McNugget fix.

    My favorite scenario of the double drive-thru is when both of you pretty much finish ordering at the same time. Then it’s a stare down, car inching forward, motor revving, game of Who Gets to Pay First and get out of this hell-hole the soonest. I’ve personally been flipped off in this situation by my opponent and his whole family. Have you ever been flipped off by an entire family? It’s not pleasant, especially when you’re alone in the car and have no one to help you drive the car while you get out and spray their car down with the can of tire foam under your car seat. Although not all that dangerous, at least you won’t have to see their smirking faces or middle fingers anymore.

    The only advice I can offer when it comes to the double drive-thru is always, always, always, take the outer lane. It really does seem to move faster. If that doesn’t work, maybe just try being civil and remember that the food’s going to taste like crap no matter when you get it.



  2. Black Friday Romance…Slightly Better Than a $2 Waffle Maker

    December 1, 2011 by C.

    Aren’t they cute??
    So many negative stories about Black Friday…kind of sad really. I came across a Black Friday love story and just had to share. 
    Trevor MacDonald and Jesse Pierfelice met while standing in line on a Black Friday three years ago. They were lined up outside a Super Target on a rainy Black Friday night. Pierfelice was not so sure about MacDonald when her mom dropped her off to get in the line. 

    “He had this hoodie tied tight, and my mom dropped me off, and I was like, ‘You’re not leaving me here with this guy. He looks like a bum,'” Pierfelice said.

    They stood in line together for several hours chatting and Pierfelice learned that MacDonald was a college student and not the bum she thought he might be. The doors opened at 6 a.m. and they decided to exchange numbers. 
    After text messages and phone calls, they finally went out on a date. Two years later, MacDonald proposed.
    *give me a minute…gotta find the Kleenex box*

    Isn’t that sweet?? Forget the $2 waffle makers…he nabbed a wife.
    “Yes — the ultimate Black Friday present; I got a good deal,” MacDonald said. 
    I had a similar experience while waiting in line outside a Best Buy one night. “Rock Band” was being released at midnight and it was supposed to be the hottest gift that Christmas and I had to have one. Yes, I am a grown adult but sometimes I just gotta let my inner rock star out and this looked like just the way to do it instead of all the concerts I have given with my car windows rolled down while in traffic. I am so good that the homeless guy that would stand out in front of Wal-mart begging for money would actually throw the money he collected at my car. That folks, is when you know you have talent. 
    Anywho, I stood in line for almost two hours next to Bill. I read his name off his McDonald’s name tag that also had “fry guy” printed underneath his name. He asked me what time it was fifty times in those two hours. He told me once he really needed to piss. To which I responded, “Yea, I hate when that happens.” What can you say when someone tells you that??
    He said that he planned on pulling an all-nighter to stay up to play the game and asked if I would be doing the same. 
    “Um, no I have to work in the morning,” I said. 
    “Dude, that blows! That is why I love working at McDonald’s. They are so flexible with the scheduling so I am off for the next three days just to play this game,” he said. 
    I had to ask, “Bill, how do you work at McDonald’s and afford things like this?” 
    “I live in my parent’s basement, dude. It even has an outside entrance so I can sneak in the ladies without my parents finding out,” he said while winking at me. 
    Yes, I was being hit on by “the fry guy”.
    “How old are you, Bill?” I asked. 
    “38…I look pretty good for my age…I know…I hear it all the time. You should come over tonight and play “Rock Band” with me…maybe we can do some rockin’ in my bedroom,” he replied.


    And with that I walked away. The next 20 years of my life with fry guy flashed before my eyes and the only positive I could see was the possibility of a few free McDonald’s french fries. No video game in the world was worth a life with Bill the “fry guy”.