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  1. Will You Marry Us?

    June 17, 2011 by C.

    Handsome Paul is looking for a bride. He has tried every which way to lure in a wife and has had no success. Paul is getting older (38) and really needs to find a wife and live happily ever after.

    He has started a blog http://www.handsomepaul.blogspot.com/ which is really funny and horribly honest. After reading through his blog I think I have come up with a few reasons why he has not had much luck thus far.

    1. Paul is pretty much bald. Chicks like hair or they like completely bald, not this half-ass bald head crap. Either shave it all off and shine it up or check into Hair Club for Men.

    2. He admits at 38 years of age he has NEVER had a girlfriend. It is far too difficult to deal with a man that has not been trained by a woman. We need to know at least a couple of women have whipped you into shape just a bit. Examples are: you know that you cannot leave the seat up on the toilet, taking out the trash is your job and you tell us we look nice in whatever we have on when we ask for your opinion.
    Starting from scratch is just too much work. At my age, crashing into a toilet with no seat is extremely dangerous and could lead to a broken hip or cracked pelvis.

    3. He doesn’t make enough money. Paul’s blog states that if you get him a date with someone that becomes his wife, he will donate half of a years salary to your favorite charity. The estimate for half of his salary is $10,000-20,000. Just trying to be realistic here…I do not wish to marry someone that makes $20,000 a year. I would like to eat something a little better than cat food when I retire. Not to mention a refrigerator box in Florida is not my idea of living the good life during my golden years. I think most women would agree with me here even though I might sound like a greedy bitch.

    4. This is where Paul lives…

    Where do I start with this? There are very few women that would approve of living like this. Seriously dude, plug in that TV, turn on HGTV and get this place woman ready. No woman in her right mind wants to pick up after your sloppy ass. 
    5. Women that are not hookers do not dig Weiner like photos. 
    6. #37 on his list is he does not need Viagra. “Even as I approach the age of 40, I’m still afraid to wear sweatpants because of how easily I get aroused.” Oh Paul, you should never have mentioned this. This means if your future wife happens to run the vacuum bra-less you will mount her like the hairy poodle you are. Us giving the girls a few hours out of their trap to clean house is not an invitation. Keep it tucked in your sweatpants. Please remember, marriage=no sex. Ever. Oh and whining just makes us want it even less so pick your lip up and soldier on. 

    I think that pretty much covers it. I won’t go into how Paul could share makeup with you or loves hamsters. I really do want this man to find a wife. 

    Here is where you come in. I need one of you to step up…take one for the team and marry Handsome Paul. That $10,000 could really help out some tornado victims in Joplin. So get with it! Paul has an e-mail address listed so you can e-mail him with all your endearing qualities. Actually, I think just being female means you are qualified so no need to try to impress him. I expect a wedding invitation.