RSS Feed

‘meth’ Category

  1. Attention Wal-mart Shoppers…Meth on Aisle 7

    December 14, 2011 by C.

    Which way to the meth??
    A Wal-mart in Tulsa, Oklahoma had some excitement last Thursday. 
    Alisha Halfmoon was arrested for trying to make meth inside her local Wal-mart. Yea, you heard me.
    Security noticed that she had been in the store for six hours and alerted authorities due to her suspicious behavior in the back of the store. The police confronted Halfmoon just as she had finished mixing a bottle of sulfuric acid and some starter fluid.  
    It is just hard to believe that this woman was in there for six hours collecting all sorts of chemicals and not one of the customers reported her.
    Now, I can believe after spending six hours in a Wal-mart she was ready to cook up some meth. I hate going to Wal-mart. It is like being tortured each and every week when I go grocery shopping. Maybe doing meth would help make my shopping experience more pleasurable.
    The battle usually starts out on the parking lot for a space that isn’t ten miles from the door. Then I usually have someone grab the same cart I am going for and we have a tug of war for a minute, until the other person sees that “I will bite you” look in my eyes and lets go. Then I am run over by at least two people per visit either running into the back of my legs or hitting me head on because they turned the corner without looking first.
    The very worst part of Wal-mart shopping is trying to get a pound of shaved deli meat from those freaks that work in that department. They will ignore you for hours. You are invisible to them. I have found a couple of ways to remedy this. Pick up some produce and just start throwing it over the counter. I prefer to toss oranges but really any fruit will do. After a couple of incoming orange bombs they will usually acknowledge my existence and slice up some meat. If the fruit bombing doesn’t work, just hop up on top of their deli display case and start jumping up and down screaming, “Don’t make me come over there bitches!” Does the trick every time. Sometimes being escorted out of the store in handcuffs is so worth it.
    Oh, so back to Ms. Halfwit. Ahhhh, I mean Halfmoon.
    Here is what puzzles me about her situation. Is it a crime to try to make meth? She didn’t get it finished so she technically did not make it in the store. If it wasn’t made then she couldn’t use it or sell it, so what is the crime here? I could “try” to make meth using Lucky Charms, crayons and aspirin. Does that make me a criminal or just stupid? I rest my case.
    So watch out on your next trip to Wallyworld. You might just hear over the loudspeaker, “Meth cleanup on aisle 7 and police escort needed in deli STAT!”