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‘oranges’ Category

  1. DIY Surgery Coming Soon to TLC

    July 29, 2011 by C.

    A 63-year-old California man decided to play the game “Operation” on himself at home. He was suffering from a protruding hernia and was sick and tired of waiting for surgery on his rupture so he operated on himself with a 6 inch butter knife. We can’t really say he is the sharpest tool in the shed, or used the sharpest tool for that matter.

    The man’s wife called the police to report what her husband had attempted to do. The poor policemen show up and this lunatic is laying naked in a lawn chair in their apartment with the knife sticking out of his abdomen. They asked him to remove the knife, which he did and just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, he stuck his lit cigarette into the wound. Could this man have possibly been smart enough to try to cauterize his wound? I think not.

    I am very confused as to what the wife must have been thinking. This could not seem like a good idea to anyone. Maybe she wanted him dead. Had he left the seat up on the toilet one too many times? Criticized her cooking? Whacked her in the face with his protruding hernia?

    Maybe she had really hoped he would do such a great job on himself he could give her a boob job once he recovered. Slice her open, pop in a couple of oranges and sew her back up to her new C cup boobies. Firm and perky and full of vitamin C. All the peeps in the hood would want to have their surgery done by her husband, “Dr. Feelgood” and just think of the additional income he would be bringing in. They might even be able to afford a scalpel for the next surgery he would like to perform on himself.

    “Dr. Feelgood” was locked away in a psychiatric ward (I think the cigarette in the wound might have been a bit too much) and will get his hernia surgery paid for by taxpayers. Man, I love this country.