I spent most of the night in the emergency room last night. I was escorting my friend Kim, who was experiencing crippling leg cramps. Since she could hardly walk is seemed like she should be checked out in case of a blood clot.
We arrived around midnight. With only one lady ahead of us, I had high hopes for quick treatment and release. Sometimes I am so dumb.
Once called back a very young almost Dr. comes in to check Kim over and decides to run some tests. So we waited, but our wait was not without entertainment.
We shared our room with a big baby teenager and her mother. Only a thin curtain separated us. They were giving her pain meds in her IV when we walked in. I would guess she was around 18-years-old.
Wussy: “Is this going to help? I think I am dying I am in so much pain.”
Nurse: “It shouldn’t take too long at all and you will get some relief.”
An hour passes. She was punching the call button.
Wussy: “Ok, like I really need more pain meds because this one isn’t working at all. All it is doing is making me sleepy. I am in pain…I don’t need a nap…get it????”
Intercom Nurse: “Someone will be in.”
Nurse: “Sorry, we cannot give you any other medication right now. I promise it will start working soon.”
Wussy: “Well all I want to do is sleep, but I am in some serious pain.”
Nurse: “It will get better.” *as she runs from the room*
So the young lady decides to call everyone she knows…
“Hi, it’s me. Yea, like I am in the hospital hooked to IVs and stuff. I will take a picture and send it to you. What are you doing? (Please note the time is now 2:00am).
“God, why are you trying to get me off the phone? I am in the hospital dying!”
“Whatever. Was Cooper really mad that I left so abruptly and ruined our friend time?”
“Well, I couldn’t help it. My chest was hurting. I could hardly breathe….I really feel horrible. No telling what is wrong with me.”
“Ah, you are trying to get me off the phone again. Fine. Bye!”
She makes another call:
“Hey what are you doing? (the time is now 2:30am). Guess where I am? The emergency room. I will send you a picture. I feel like I am dying. Seriously. I have had seven different medications already! Saline (sorry this made me snicker just a bit), something for nausea, a pain med and other stuff.”
“Ok, ok. Bye, geez.”
The Dr. enters.
Dr: “Ok, well you have tested positive for strep throat. We can give you a shot to get you started or give you some pills.”
Wussy: “A shot??????????????????????? Oh, no.”
Mom: “One shot and you will be feeling better soon. I would do it.”
Nurse enters with The Shot.
Nurse: “Ok, I will need to give this to you in your hip again.”
Wussy: “Oh my God, not in the same place ok??? I am going to freak out! Did you get the air bubbles out of it??? Go slow!!!!”
Kim had just been crying from being in so much pain (although they never gave her pain medication). But we could no longer contain ourselves.We both burst out laughing. Everything got extremely quiet in the room and then we hear…
Wussy: “I am so embarrassed. These meds are making me act crazy.”
We were released shortly after that (the time is now 3:45 am).
I have had strep on several occasions. It is pretty miserable, but not so miserable I decided to go to the emergency room. And my Mother tells me all the time I am a wussy because I have never birthed any babies.
“That my dear, is real pain. It doesn’t even compare to this pain you have from having your toenail removed. Now suck it up!”
My shrink says she does love me…really.
My trip to the ER was so entertaining that I may have to go hang out there at least one night a week for further blog inspirations.