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‘real estate’ Category

  1. Million Dollar TV

    June 23, 2012 by C.

    Carter Oosterhouse= hot handyman

     

     

     

     

    Like most women, I watch my fair share of HGTV. A show that I look forward to each week is “Million Dollar Rooms” hosted by hottie Carter Oosterhouse. It airs on Tuesday  nights 7:30pm central. Aside from the eye-candy host, it completely amuses me to see what people are stupid enough to waste their money on.

    I try to put myself in their position. My bank account has millions of dollars in it just sitting around on shelves in the vault, so why not blow it on a rock-climbing wall in my house? Or heck, let’s just put a zoo in our backyard. The grand-kids will love it until the monkey mistakes their little fingers for miniature bananas.

    Indoor basketball and tennis courts, 50’s diners, massage rooms, disco rooms, massive aquariums, shooting range, movie theaters, bowling alleys and last but not least a $10 million dollar indoor pool room. With $10 million to spend on one room of my house, I am afraid I would put in a Papa John’s and Walgreens so I would never have to leave the house again.

    Every episode has me wondering what in the hell these people do for a living to afford all this useless stuff? Many of the homes were shown by real estate brokers and you don’t get to see the actual owner (I assume this is because they are horribly embarrassed by what they have wasted their money on and don’t want beaten up the next time they are shopping at Sam’s Club). They must have invented something awesome like the Boyfriend Pillow.

     

     

     

    I mean seriously…this is freaking awesome. Splash a little cologne on the shirt (not sure why he didn’t come wearing a pajama top, but I went ahead and made one for him myself) and  you really never need a man around except for killing rodents.

    Clearly I did not pass Home Economics class.

    Now, where was I? Oh yes, people spending their money on stupid shit. One episode had Barbi Benton sharing her tacky house off to the cameras. You remember Barbi…she was in Playboy back in the 70’s and is known for her “Hee Haw” appearances. This episode proves that all the money in the world cannot buy you an ounce of decorating taste. If you don’t believe me, let me show you what her front yard looks like.

    WTF??????????????????????

     

    While I don’t know these people and what they do with the rest of their money, it just seems they could find something better to do with it. Donate it, start a charity, see the world or just give it to me.


  2. "Mega" Dreams

    March 31, 2012 by C.

    The Mega Millions drawing is just a few hours away. I can’t help but wish and hope and dream about what it would be like to win all that money. There are people that say it would be horrible to win because of  the people coming out of the woodwork with their hands held out, telling you stories of  how they can’t pay their rent because they just spent $10,000 on Mega Million tickets. Phooey! I think the best part of it all would be helping other people (not the idiots in my example above, but people that really need it).

    I am pretty sure I would just go into hiding or move to another country for a while. Take care of my family and closest friends and boogie on outta here (riding in first class of course).

    My co-workers and I all pitched in and bought $70 worth of tickets for the drawing tonight. I was in charge of making the purchase and really thought we had bought a lot but the clerk told me a woman bought a $100 worth yesterday. What a ticket whore!

    I don’t know why she even bothered. I am winning this thing. I feel so confident about it I have picked out several pieces of real estate to purchase with my winnings. The real estate agents got kind of snotty with me when I told them I needed all the info on these properties asap because we would be closing next Friday. I will make sure to stick one of my winning Mega balls up their butts after we sign the paperwork.

    Let’s take a look at what I have picked out…

    This is my apartment in the Tribeca part of New York. All the hours I have spent watching “Selling New York” are finally going to pay off. This is just a model of course, because there is no way in hell I am going to win the lottery and own a TV that small. 
    Traveling East to West, this is my future home in the Colorado mountains. I had to get a larger home so the family can all gather during holidays. That is if I am not at a spa in Italy being pampered by Geovani, my personal spa boy. Chill family. Christmas is all year long now…I won the lotto! 
    Last but not least, is my beach house in San Diego. I am not much of a warm weather person but it was cheap and I heard Adam Lambert just bought his parents a house a few doors down. It will make stalking him so much easier. 
    The odds to win are not in my favor, but someone has to win it, right? Why not me? All I know is I bought a little hope today and it feels really good.