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‘stupid people’ Category

  1. Mitt Romney Steals Girlfriends

    July 31, 2012 by C.

    Mitt Romney, I am gonna whip your ass!

     

     

    This is Lowell Turpin of Claxton, Tennessee. Lowell is not a smart man.

     

    When he saw a picture of Mitt Romney, he had no idea who he was. It gets worse than Lowell just being ignorant. He saw Mitt’s picture on his girlfriend’s (can you imagine what she looks like??) Facebook page and accused her of planning an affair with Mitt.

     

    He demanded to know who the man was, jerked her laptop away from her, smashed it into a wall and punched her in the face. Lowell is in jail and has been charged with domestic assault.

    It astonishes me that a person would not know Mitt Romney from a photo. I mean his face is everywhere…the news, magazines, newspapers, he was even at the Olympics.

    Stories like this really frighten me. An American that cannot recognize Romney, but I would bet a million bucks he would know Troy from “Swamp People” in a smoky bar with beer goggles on. What is the world coming to???


  2. Avoid Thy Neighbor

    June 13, 2012 by C.

     
    Unless you are giving me a check from Publishers Clearing House

     

     

     

     

    It seems most people enjoy having neighbors. I know of  people who stay in touch with neighbors even after they have moved out-of-state. This just puzzles me. I go out of my way to avoid my neighbors. The less they know about me the better.

     

    I have lived in this neighborhood for five years now and the only neighbor that I know at least by first name is the paramedic across the street. The only reason I know her name is because her dog Zoe loves to come and hump me when she sees me in the front yard. You don’t have much choice but to act neighborly when someone is trying to remove their animal from your leg. Besides, I might need her assistance one of these days after a wild moment with my Thigh Master. Suzanne Somers really should have put warning labels on those things.

     

    Some neighbors give you no choice but to get to know them. Even if it isn’t face to face.

    I opened my garage door and was heading to move the trash bin down to the curb. I hear a man talking and he was speaking so loudly, I had no choice but to hear what was going on.

    Bald Drew Carey neighbor: “You did too send me photos of your tits! Don’t deny it!”

    *Ok, I might have paused at this point and just stood to listen to the man sitting in a lawn chair on his driveway having this conversation with the mystery tramp*

    Then I realized bald Drew had this woman on speaker phone.

    Sextress: “Oh my God! I never sent you pictures of my tits. Prove it!”

    Baldy: *now smoking a cig*  “Well, of course I deleted the pictures off my phone. What if I died or something and my wife found those pictures?”

    Now when I drive by his house and see him standing in the driveway chatting on his cell phone, I contemplate for a moment losing control of my car and running him over. But I soon come to my senses and remember that prisons don’t allow Papa John’s deliveries or the use of memory foam mattresses. That is not the life for me.

    I just pray I am never involved in any sort of incident that involves the police interviewing my neighbors.

    Neighbor #1: “You mean someone actually lived there? I thought the house had been abandoned.”

    Neighbor #2: “No, I didn’t know her name. But have you talked to Keegan?”

    “Who is Keegan?” the policeman will ask.

    “Oh the dude that delivers Papa Johns to her house…I bet he will know her name.”

    Neighbor #3: “No, I never met her but she ordered the hell out of Schwan’s ice cream and the UPS dude dropped packages on her porch almost daily. I think she might have had a porn addiction.”

    Hmmmm…maybe it might be time to get to know my neighbors just a little bit. If for no other reason than to not have my poor family shocked by my alleged porn addiction.

     

     

     

     

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  3. You Are So Dumb!

    June 16, 2011 by C.

    Sean Murphy, 38, had been troubled by a wart that was on his middle finger. He had tried every sort of cream, home remedy and seen many doctors. Nothing could get rid of this thing. Well nothing but his 12-bore Beretta shotgun.

    Mr. Murphy got his drink on one evening and decided he could shoot the wart off his finger. Instead, he shot off most of his middle finger and wound up in trouble with the law. You see, the gun was not registered. For all this pain and suffering, he was handed a 16 week prison sentence and 100 hours of community service.

    I really don’t understand why a doctor could not remove this thing. I have had a wart on my finger before. One quick trip to the dermatologist and I was wart free and still had my finger to boot.

    It also puzzles me why he thought a gun was the best route. Ever heard of a scalpel? Kitchen knife? Box cutter? Razor blade? I guess not.

    Mr. Murphy, you are so dumb!


  4. Delivery To Up Your Butt, New Jersey

    June 3, 2011 by C.

    This is a photo from the truck stop just east of town, moments after the tornado went through Joplin, MO.

    Trucks are my business. My job five days a week is to find business for the trucking company I work for. We are a bit abnormal for a trucking company in that we do not actually move trucks and trailers filled with goodies. We just move trucks. Let’s say you have a truck in Nashville, TN that you need delivered to another dealer in Salt Lake City, UT. You call me, I quote it and we work on finding a driver to get to Nashville and drive your truck to Salt Lake City. Besides doing that I also handle customer service for a Mack Trucks national account. My days are spent e-mailing, calling and bugging strangers to let me move their trucks. So as you can imagine, our town being hit by a F5 tornado has really screwed with communications. From Sunday until Tuesday afternoon we had absolutely no power. Come into work on Wednesday and the computers won’t work, our phones are dead and our cell phones cannot get a signal now inside the building.

    I was supplied with a Sprint wireless card and sent home to work. I was finally able to check my e-mails Wednesday evening but the connection was worse than dial-up so it was a very slow process to get through all 250 e-mails. Five of those e-mails were from the same customer that needed a quote. He sent two on Monday and 3 on Tuesday. The last one read, “Why are you not responding to my e-mails????????????????????”

    Now, I know this person had no idea where we were located and was just frustrated but I too was a little angry that a stupid tornado wiped a third of my town off the map. Here is my response…

    Mr. Dickhead (ok, I put his real name here)
    I am terribly sorry for the delay in getting you a quote. Our offices are in Joplin, MO. As you may have seen on the news we were hit with a F5 tornado and a good portion of our town has been destroyed. Needless to say communication has been a challenge for us. To be honest, we are all just fortunate to be alive and have an office to work in.
    The rate to move your truck from Poopstain, NM to Up Your Butt, NJ is $10,500 ( a 75% markup).
    Again, I am sorry that it took so long to get a response from us. Have a great evening!
    Not so sincerely,
    Me

    Of course he responded with, “Oh my God, I had no idea. I am so sorry. I will keep Joplin in my prayers.” So then I felt a little guilty and wrote back…”Just for praying for Joplin, I am going to give you a 5% discount! We really need some prayers!”

    Some days I like my job and some days it makes me want to kill people. Is that normal???