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Date Disaster

08/10/2014 by C.


I’m done.



“I know it’s a little late, but would you like to meet me at Starbucks for a coffee or tea?” he asked.

We had been talking via e-mails for a week and he had been asking me daily about meeting him somewhere in person.

I suppose 8:30 pm is a little late when I have to be at work the next day, but surprisingly I wasn’t in my pjs yet. For once, I had on a decent looking shirt and I had just had my hair fluffed.

“I would love to!” I responded.

I met him inside, ordered my grande, iced, sugar-free, vanilla latte with soy milk and sat down with him at a table. I have to be honest, after he ordered a tall, non-fat latte with caramel drizzle, I almost bailed. I mean, what an obnoxious and annoying drink order…especially from a guy.

Anywho, we decided to take a drive and since I have control issues, I drove. I had also had this really cool stereo installed in my car that I wanted to play with.

So we drove around, switching out cds, talking and having a really great time. Other than that obnoxious drink order, I was really digging this guy. So many thoughts ran through my head as I drove through town…

“Is it a requirement to wear a dress when you get married or are jean shorts ok?”

“I hope he doesn’t expect my old uterus to poop out any kids for him.”

“I hope he knows I am not putting out after one lousy Starbucks drink…what a tight-ass. I might want to reconsider this marriage.”

Just a few blocks from dropping him off at his car, my cell phone rings through the stereo system via the bluetooth connection. I glanced at the screen and saw it was my mother. Then I glanced at the clock. Shit, it was 11 pm.

I punched the receive call button and held my breath.

“WHERE. ARE. YOU?” she asked.

“Oh, just out driving around,” I replied.

I looked over and he was staring out the window with a big grin on his face.


“It is after 11 at night and you have to work tomorrow! You haven’t even been at home tonight have you?”

Please God. I beg of you. Just softly crash my car and have him whack his head on the dash just enough to cause some memory loss. All he will remember of this evening was that I look really good in pink and have excellent taste in music.

“Yes, mom I was home between 7 and 8:30 tonight.”

“Well, you are up to something. You normally tell me where you’re going. We will have a discussion about this tomorrow. Now, when you get home lock your door so Lurch doesn’t get in bed with you tonight. Good-bye.”

The minute I hit the red disconnect button, he died laughing.

He managed to choke out between belly laughs, “How old are you and who is Lurch???????”

Yes, it’s true. I am a 43-year-old single woman and my mother just ruined the last shot I had at securing myself a husband.

Does anyone have a cheap rocking chair I can buy to prepare for my days as an old maid???












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