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Don’t Call Me Erma

02/19/2014 by C.

She also wore pearls...I don't wear pearls.

She also wore pearls…I don’t wear pearls.

 

 

 

My mom had been bugging me for over a week to come over and watch a show she taped about Erma Bombeck.

My responses indicated just how excited I was about watching the show.

“Um, I am really busy tonight.”

“Boy, I am so tired…I think I need to go to bed.”

“It’s not even seven o’clock,” she replied.

“I have so much homework to do tonight.”

“Chanin, you haven’t been in school since 1995,” she replied.

I thought she was getting senile and would forget these details.

Then one night she invited me over for dinner. Here is what you need to know about me…if you feed me, I will love you forever (unless your food is shitty…you will know it is shitty if you try to invite me for dinner after the first time and I turn you down…I don’t turn down good home-cooked meals EVER). She was cooking beans and cornbread…oh hell yea, I am there.

I walked in her house and she had a TV tray set up in front of the TV. She had me fix my plate and the minute I sat down, she pushed play on the Erma Bombeck special.

My mom has been after me for quite some time to become more like Erma Bombeck with my writing. I have never read much of anything Erma wrote, but I have heard of her and know that she was considered pretty awesome back in the day (the TV special confirmed this). But Erma and I are so different. She was a married housewife and I am not. She had three kids and I have none (please don’t feel the need to donate one of your children to me…I’m not interested). She wrote in an era when divorce, cursing and women working were looked down upon…big time. The fact that in some of the sentences I speak I leave out the f-word makes me pretty tame in today’s society.

It seems it breaks my mom’s heart that I curse so much in my writing. My Inappropriate Elf photos bother her because they can sometimes be, well, inappropriate.

So I want to take a moment and address this…I was not raised this way. I came from two great parents that taught me right from wrong and gave me everything I needed to become the awesome adult I am today. My cursing and inappropriateness has absolutely nothing to do with my upbringing. I feel bad that this disappoints my mom, but I also feel like I need to be me…not Erma.

When you visit my blog or Facebook fan page and think to yourself, “who raised this lunatic?” It was Charlie and Clarissa. They did everything right…I just somehow got warped along the way.

The important thing to know is I am really happy with my warps and I hope you can accept me as I am.


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