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Fat, Sick and Nearly Arrested

09/05/2011 by C.

A few months ago I watched the documentary, “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.” What an eye-opener it was. Basically a man has nothing but vegetable and fruit juice for 60 days. He even carries a juicer in the back of his car so he can juice wherever he is. In 60 days he lost 82 pounds.

After watching the documentary, I obtained a juicer and some recipes. But then of course the excuses started.

“You should not start a diet two days before your birthday. Birthday cake is entirely too important to me.”

“This is going to cost me a fortune.”

“No way in hell a little cup of juice is going to replace my meals of pizza, Cokes and candy bars. Sounds like starvation!”

Yesterday I decided no more excuses. No one should feel so crappy at age forty. After a quick trip to the farmer’s market it was time to do some juicing.

The best part of this whole deal is shoving the vegetables and fruits into the grinder. The noise sounds like an arm being sawed off …pretty sure the neighbors were beginning to think they were living next door to a serial killer.

“Yes ser officer, she rarely comes outta da house. Not even on da 4th of July ta watch us shoot Bottle Rockets at passin’ cars. She’s really weird. Betcha money shes a choppin’ up a homeless person ova der.”

Won’t they be shocked the next time I come out of the house looking like a supermodel???

OK, back to juicing. The recipe is called, “Stomach Filler.” After processing the veggies for this recipe I am thinking it might possibly fill the stomach of a squirrel, but not mine. It is a green color only found in some jars of baby food and Kleenex during a nasty sinus infection. The cup measured approximately 6oz of juice. There is not 6oz of any food that could leave me feeling full. Oh well, bottoms up.

Well, I have tried to find a delicate way to put this…but there is just not a way. This stuff tasted like ass. Wincing with every swallow, it was finally all gone. This was not the worst part…oh no, the worst part was about 10 minutes later, my breath tastes like ass and makes me want to vomit. The rest of the day was spent burping up cucumbers. Yummy!

I am not sure how this is possible but…I felt FULL. Really full. Now if I can just find a way to make it stop tasting so nasty this just might work. Adding half a gallon of vanilla ice cream might do the trick.

Another negative came as I started disassembling the juicer to clean it. Putting furniture together is a walk in the park compared to this. So many pieces and parts and veggie junk stuck all over it. Cleaning this thing is a workout and much more exercise than I have had in a month. There is no way I cannot lose weight doing this!

You should watch this documentary sometime. It is really amazing how quickly you can see a difference in the people that try juicing for even just 10 days. Besides, I don’t want to be the only person walking around with ass breath.


  1. Grumpy says:

    I can see how this would work, but I'd be concerned about some essential nutrients you might be missing.

  2. C.B. says:

    They say you need to consult your Dr before doing anything like this. I have protein powder to add to the drinks and I take vitamin supplements. Honestly anything has to be better than what I have been putting in my body all this time.

  3. lafemmeroar says:

    Anything that tastes like ass would definitely curb my appetite. Hankering for chips and ice cream is a constant struggle of mine. I've been good for the past week,but my resolve is weakening … perhaps I'll try that juice …

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