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Gnats and Gatling Guns

10/03/2012 by C.

The Gatling Gun




Mom called me at work today.

“Something is going on out back.”

As I have shared on many occasions she thinks we are living in the wilderness or something.

“What is it Mom?”

“The entire backyard is full of giant black birds and squirrels. I think the end is near or I am in a  re-make of “The Birds” only this time a few squirrels are involved.”


I laughed and suggested she load up her BB gun and go out there.

“Oh, no. I need a Gatling gun to deal with all the animals in our yard right now.”

I had never heard of a Gatling gun before  so I Googled it after getting off the phone with her. Holy crap! I can just see this thing parked out on her deck next to the BBQ grill.

When I walked in this evening I called to make sure she lived through the re-make of “The Birds + Squirrels”.

“Have you noticed a large amount of gnats in your house?,” she asked.

“Yes, I am trying a trick I saw on Pinterest to get rid of them,” I replied.

“We have never had gnats this bad. I think it is because of all the animal crap in the backyard. Booger probably takes some big dumps considering his size.”

***She has nicknamed the baby grizzly bear (aka groundhog) living in the backyard and she picks Booger of all names.***

“Hmmm, well Mom I don’t even know what to say to that. I am going to go now and see if I still have an appetite for dinner. Glad to know you survived your exciting day.”

“Listen, before you go…I am going to need just a few more BBs.”

Why can’t she take up knitting like a normal 60-something year old woman???


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