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I Am A Sore Idiot

10/25/2013 by C.

My hands are wicked now...

My hands are wicked now…






As some of you know, I am one half of an internet sports radio talk show.  The show is called, “In the Game with Coco and the Canuck”. You can find old shows here if you are interested in listening…


I had an idea of trying something new and recording audio for our radio show. I talked the Canuck into doing some training in Krav Maga.

For those of you that are unsure what that is, let me share a little of the history with you. Krav Maga is a self-defense training started back in the 1930’s by Imi Lichtenfeld. It focuses on real world situations in which you use brutal counter attacks to get out of bad situations. Krav Maga is used mainly by Israeli Defense Forces. They are big on teaching you to avoid confrontation at all costs because basically your hands are lethal weapons and you could kill someone if you wanted to. How freaking cool is that???

We met with our instructor and got right into learning some great moves to get out of all sorts of situations. Held up at gunpoint? Not a problem. Someone coming at you swinging a bat? Piece of cake. Then we moved to the zombie chase.

Now, I am all about zombies, so of course I was pretty excited. Then the rules were explained. You stayed in a square area of the workout mat. If you stepped out you were dead. Three people coming at you constantly and you had to physically move them out of your way, while continuously moving around the mat in circles. If you went through the middle, you were zombie dinner. One person also had on a punching bag and when they were in front of you, you punched the bag to get them away from you. I know it doesn’t sound like much but this was the most exercise I have had since I was 7 and playing soccer at the Y.

This was pretty much non-stop. When you weren’t being chased, you were the chaser. My heart was sending my brain messages like, “Hey, what is going on out there??? If you want to see your next birthday you will stop this nonsense right now!”

I left class a hobbled and sweaty mess. I was still gulping to get some air into my lungs. I went home and collapsed.

When I woke up the next day the first thing I noticed was I could not move either one of my thumbs without severe pain. Who has ever heard of thumbs being un-conditioned??? Apparently, I need to do more texting on a regular basis and whip them into shape. I couldn’t lift my arms to my head to shampoo my nasty hair. My knees were hurting from all the kicks I whipped out at my attackers. Basically, I should be in one of those electric motorized wheelchairs that I can control with my teeth because my mouth is only part of my body not in pain.

The Canuck was awesome at all of this and wants to start paying to take the lessons two nights a week. I cannot even imagine doing this once a year. I have offered to try to get our office to take part in a daily zombie chase so we get in some cardio, but he seems to want more than that for some reason. All of this even after I accidentally whacked him in his privates ( Maybe it was an accident and maybe he should stop talking so much crap about my favorite Steeler player, Troy Polamalu, on our radio show).  Regardless, I think he will have to find a Krav Maga partner in much better shape to join him.

Almost a week has passed and I am still really sore. I was sitting in my recliner last night wondering to myself, whose bright idea was this? Oh yea, it was mine. I am such an idiot sometimes.

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