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If Women Had Penises

02/23/2015 by C.

Yes, please!

Yes, please!



My niece and nephew came to stay with me for a few days after Christmas. We had a blast like we always do. I delivered them back home safely and went back to my normal, boring life.

A few days after they had left, I had a friend over. She had been drinking a ton of tea (told you I have a boring life… I don’t have any party animal friends) and she needed to use the restroom. A few minutes later she comes out of the guest bathroom and says, “I think your nephew might have missed the toilet because there is urine on the back of it, by the tank.”

I rarely go into my guest bathroom. It is just that…a room for guests to do their business and the owner to just clean occasionally.

“WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????????,”  was my response to her. 

“Boys seem to have a hard time hitting the target, it’s pretty normal. I mean he is only five, Chanin.”

“Well, that is just unacceptable. The least he could have done was told me and I would have cleaned it up, but now I am humiliated because I have urine all over my guest bathroom toilet and you saw it first.”

“Men do this too. I’m surprised you haven’t had more issues with it.”

Men do this on a regular basis????????????? How? Why??? I don’t understand how this happens on a regular basis and if grown men do this, why in the hell don’t they clean up after themselves??? Apparently, I have only had very neat and clean men in my home. 

Here is what I know. If a woman had a penis, she would NEVER miss the toilet. Not only that, she would put her penis to work and not just in the porn industry.

1. There would be no more need for Smokey the Bear because women would just wander around forests waiting to put out fires with their new and handy fire extinguisher.

2. A woman would be able to create art with her new penis.

3. A woman would become a world-renowned ice sculptor using her penis much more precisely than a cumbersome chainsaw (although this method would take much longer than a chainsaw).

4.  A woman would tie a line to that thing and fish while swimming in a lake (because we are multi-tasking creatures).

5. Invent a snap on case that with the push of a button turns into a light saber and use it to fight evildoers.

6. We would be smart enough to know that our manhood isn’t measured by the width and length of it. This would make us supremely secure in ourselves and less likely to be assholes.

7. Dress it in outfits and throw puppet shows at strip clubs.

Really, the possibilities are endless.

It would also be so satisfying to make the money men make just because they have one of those things and also standing while urinating seems like such a wonderful time saver.

Sadly, God did not make us with one of those handy tools so we will have to continue sitting on toilets to urinate and making less money, but at least our sex is better organized, much more attractive and always right.


  1. Mick Dagger says:

    You have a lot of aspirations for something that you know nothing about. What you don’t understand is that we men don’t have total control over our penises (penisi, penii, penis’???”). It has a mind of its own. Even if we are happily married and are being completely satisfied with our wife, we still look at and yearn for more and new women to have sex with….ALL … THE … TIME. Sex is always there. If you are a hottie and just got done painting the house or clening the garage, our penis can make that work. If we are staning outside, and the wind blows just right, our penis will poke its little head up just to look around to see if there is any sex about to be had. With all this craziness happening in our pants, continuously, not making a mess while peeing is way down the list of things that we got time to worry about. After all, we don’t gotta sit there.

    • C. says:

      But why, Mick Dagger, can you not clean it up if you do dribble? That is all I am asking here…

      • Mick Dagger says:

        Depends on the situation if we deem it worthy. When I was dating my current woman, for her, I would get down on a knee to pee in order to limit the splashzone. I didn’t ever clean anything up, but I did try to minimize the damage, you see? Men just have different priorities. Not much to do about it, but it gives women something to be grossed out about. 😉

    • C. says:

      Spell Syllables
      Word Origin
      noun, plural penises, penes [pee-neez] (Show IPA). Anatomy, Zoology
      the male organ of copulation and, in mammals, of urinary excretion.

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