|Exercise torture device or sex toy?|
I spent most of the day Tuesday in a line to get signed up for a YMCA membership. The line was made up entirely of women and wrapped around the building and down the street.
Why the sudden attraction to working out? A study was released that reveals a woman can have orgasms while exercising. No other stimulation needed…no sexual fantasies or watching a hot body work out. Just a little exercise does the trick for some women according to the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University.
“Coregasms” are linked to exercises for core abdominal muscles. There were a few other exercises that also had this effect on women. Biking/spinning, climbing poles or ropes, weight lifting, running and some had an experience while doing yoga or swimming.
But the main way these women achieved orgasm was using a device called the “captain’s chair”. Basically your forearms support all your weight while you lift your legs up in the air as high as you can get them. I have a feeling there will be long lines at the gym to use this contraption.
I have to admit I was pretty skeptical about this. I think the only thing that could cause a woman to orgasm without direct stimulation would be watching her man do all the housework and cook dinner. I have also heard of women achieving orgasm while eating cheesecake, but there isn’t any scientific evidence backing this claim.
Only one way to find out…a trip to the gym.
First stop, a spinning bike. After fifteen minutes on the bike, my nether region hurt so badly that I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to urinate again, let alone have any magic going on down there. Any woman that says she orgasms while riding those bikes is completely full of shit. I climbed off and immediately lay down on the nearest mat holding my private area in hopes it would somehow soothe the burning going on.
After several perverts walked past staring at me holding my hot pocket, I decided I had better get up. It was time to stand in line for the captain’s chair. Once it was my turn, I used a part of the frame to climb up and position myself to let go and have all the weight resting on my arms.
In my head I was preparing myself for the big O that was about to take place.
“No matter how great it is, you will not scream or moan or carry on. You will act dignified…smile politely and get home as quickly as possible to order one shipped to the house from Amazon.com.”
1…2…3… I let my feet go and immediately fell straight to the floor. I climbed back up and tried it again. Same result.
I didn’t go through all this crap to walk away with a sore twat. This IS going to happen. I told the perfect perky woman that was next in line to slow her roll and if she even thinks of touching my captain’s chair, I would strap her onto a spinning bike for a week. Yea, she looked really freaked out.
I trotted over to where all the weight lifters were working out and asked if one of the guys could give me a hand. One of the dumb ones followed me over. So much for not needing a man to get this done…
“Listen up, I am going to climb the frame and when I say go, you are going to grab my feet and start lifting my legs up to my chest as fast as you can,” I said.
“Lady, I am not doing that…you are nuts!” he replied.
I whipped out the big bill I had in my pocket and flashed it in front of his eyes.
“Look, you just lift me for five minutes or so and I will reward you financially. You were just going to be lifting weights anyways so really what is the difference other than I am paying you to lift?” I asked.
“You have a point,” he said.
The line to get on the captain’s chair was the length of the gym. Ms. Perfect was quite pissy so we needed to make this happen.
“Ok, ready…set…GO!” I yelled.
He started lifting my legs up and down as fast as he could. The entire gym went still and everyone watched the show we were putting on. I just kept waiting, but I experienced nothing but a tremendous gas pain that had built up in my belly. Lovely.
“Ok, ok ok…you can stop,” I told him. I handed him the cash and walked very quickly out of the gym. I won’t ever be working out there again I can tell you that.
On my way home I was thinking how strippers always seem like such happy people and maybe it is because of the work they do on the poles. Hmmmm…I wonder if they sell stripper poles on Amazon.com.