This fake story got me thinking (Yes, it’s fake…Snopes says so). What if this were possible? If you could go to a 3D movie and become impregnated by one of the people in the film; which films/people would you choose?
It didn’t take long for me to come up with a list and the reasons why.
5. Thor-Chris Hemsworth is pretty. Boy or girl, my child would have gorgeous hair and hair is damn important.
4. Gravity– Mr. George Clooney is probably the most wanted man in America. No woman can tame him. I don’t care about taming him; I would just like oodles of child support money and occasionally get to see him in person.
3. Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience– This was made back in 2009 when the boys were still wearing those virginity rings. Talk about Immaculate Conception! Again oodles of child support money. Wait, would this mean I’m having triplets??? Screw that shit.
2. A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas– No, I don’t want Harold or Kumar. I want Neil Patrick Harris! Our child would be so funny and could dance and sing and act and curse a ton (my gift I’m giving our child). It would be such an amazing kid. The whole back of my Kia would be full of those honor student stickers and the family decals. Our family decal would look a little weird because NPH would be on a pedestal and our child would be in a top hat, doing a dance, while saying, “Hey bastard, get off our bumper!”
1. Man of Steel– Duh. The most gorgeous man alive and he’s British. God, I love accents. I would make sure he bought us a house in England so the child would have an English accent as well. Graham Lesley George Felix Fitz-Lloyd Pippa Charles Cavill (the name I have picked out for my English son) and I would eat fish and chips all day and stalk the Royal Family whenever we had a chance.
This is one of those times when I’m glad the silly crap I make up can never come true.