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Martha Stewart is Overrated

04/02/2013 by C.

Totally jazzed up my front door.

Totally jazzed up my front door.

 

 

 

As I have shared in the past, I love Pinterest. I really feel it is life-changing and one of the best things ever invented. If I did not have to work, I would probably spend days upon days pinning things to my boards without even sleeping or showering.

I haven’t been writing as much lately because I have been involved in several projects around the house that I found on Pinterest. One of them was this cute wreath made of nuts. It’s a Martha Stewart creation. I was out to prove if Martha can do it, so can Chanin.

Once everything was gathered, I whipped this up in no time at all and practically raced to hang it on my front door. I had visions of random people stopping by begging me to make one for them and I charge them $100 for my labor and would soon be able to quit my full-time job and just sit at home making nut wreaths, watching Ellen and eating Doritos. Almost as good as hitting the Powerball.

This wreath lasted two days. The squirrels in the neighborhood apparently thought I had made them a giant treat. I could hear animal chitter chatter outside but didn’t think much of it. When translated it went something like this:

Leader squirrel: “Everyone, gather around. This lunatic has made us a giant treat! Run as fast as you can and let everyone know to meet here in an hour. I think she may be trying to make up for shooting at us whenever we got near her stupid bird feeder in the backyard.”

Squirrel Men Folk: “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Those nuts will be ours in no time!”

Squirrel Women Folk: “I bet the wreath was a lame Martha Stewart idea.”

Within a few hours of hanging my wreath, I thought I was under attack by wild birds. Every so often I would hear a very loud WHAP against the front door. I would look out the peep-hole and see nothing. The noises were so insane I was scared to open the door to look. There is no other way to look at my porch from inside the house so I really had no other choice but to call 911.

The cops arrive and have a grin from ear to ear on their faces. It was then I noticed that half of the nuts on my wreath were missing.

Bad cop: “Ma’am we turned the corner and saw an army of squirrels attacking your front door. Maybe you should not have a wreath made of nuts hanging out here. But it looks like we cracked the case.”

They look at each other and just die laughing. I just stared at them.

Good cop: “Get it?? Cracked?? Like cracking nuts??”

Yes, I got it.

I mumbled,” Thanks officers” and slowly shut the front door as they turned to walk away.

Bad cop: “Everyone thinks they are Martha Stewart these days…what a lame idea.”

 


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