“Ain’t nothing ketchup cain’t fix.” Jared from My Big Redneck Vacation
I think most people at some point outgrow their love of ketchup. Being a kid and drowning your McDonald’s nuggets in ketchup is one thing, being an adult and eating ketchup on a $40 steak is a whole other situation.
Ketchup and I have a long history. Maybe I should be more specific. Heinz ketchup and I have a long history. Hunt’s is disgusting. The cheap off-brands insult my taste buds. It is Heinz or I don’t eat it.
When I was a teenager I would tell people my dream job would be to work for Heinz in Pittsburgh and have season tickets to Steelers games. I could not imagine a better life. An employee discount on ketchup and attending every home game of my favorite football team…no one would have it better than me.
When I was in college, I took a class called “Marketing Strategy”. 70% of our grade was a project we would work on to complete a marketing strategy for a major corporation. Of course I picked Heinz. I had to write the company to send me some information (this was before the internet so I couldn’t just send an email or do the research). When my giant package arrived from Heinz I was thrilled. They even sent me a nice note on their letterhead, which I thought was really cool. But the very best part of the package was the coupons they sent me for free Heinz ketchup. Hell yeah!
I worked on this project for over a month and received a ‘B” for it and for the class. The real reward was learning so much about the company I loved.
Now as an adult, I still love Heinz ketchup and the unfortunate part of that is sometimes having issues at restaurants. The issues involve people staring at me or making comments while I eat. They are disgusted by what I put my ketchup on. The main item I get the most flack for is biscuits. I don’t eat biscuits and jelly or biscuits and gravy like a normal person. I just want a plain biscuit that I will dip into ketchup. For some reason, this seriously bothers folks.
“Henry, did you see her dip her biscuit in ketchup?”
“Martha, you need to mind your own business.”
“But Henry, that’s just disgusting!”
This happens all the time.
It isn’t just biscuits though. I pretty much eat ketchup on everything. Eggs, carrots (cooked), baked potatoes, steaks, meatloaf, fried shrimp, pot roast, fried fish, fried chicken, chicken fried steak and pinto beans with cornbread to name just a few.
To make my ketchup addiction even more puzzling…I hate tomatoes. I have a “BL” instead of a “BLT”. If someone puts tomatoes on my salad, I pick them all out before even attempting to eat it. Maybe all this proves is I am horribly addicted to sugar since that is what makes those mashed up tomatoes taste so good.
Nothing makes me more proud than to watch my niece and nephew suck down packets of ketchup. It makes me feel like they have a small part of me in them. But then I realize they are just normal and will grow out of it long before I will.