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My Fitness Bracelet is Possessed

07/26/2013 by C.

Truly possessed.

Truly possessed.





I love a great bargain and about a month ago I found a superb deal on one of those fitness bands you wear around your wrist. It links to your computer so you can check to see how many steps you have taken, how many miles you’ve walked, how many calories you burned, etc. It also will work as a silent alarm clock and keep track of the sleep you get. Pretty cool stuff and I am always wanting to get in shape (although I am rarely motivated enough to do so).

Once received in the mail, I threw it in the closet for a couple of weeks. Told you I don’t get motivated too often. This week I dug it out and got it all synced with my computer. It really isn’t much different from wearing one of those rubber bracelets for whatever your latest causes are (Livestrong, breast cancer, a sports team, etc.). It is a little thicker on the top because it has a piece that fits inside the bracelet that comes out to charge it up. The charge will last up to five days. Pretty cool deal, really.

The first day I really didn’t add any steps more than I normally take and of course I didn’t exercise. I synced it up to the computer that night just to see what it would say.

“Are your legs broken or are you in a wheelchair?”

Hmmmm, not exactly what I was expecting it to say. It showed I had taken around 3,000 steps, so not like I hadn’t moved at all. It is recommended you take 10,000 steps per day, so I had a ways to go.

The end of day two and I plug it in. 4,000 steps…a little better. But then I see this…

“I would rather soak my eyeballs in acid than to see you naked. You’re a loser.”

How rude! This thing must have some sort of glitch in it. Surely this isn’t what it says to everyone.

I picked up the pace on the 3rd day, right around 6,000 steps. I was expecting it to say something like you’re almost there, keep working at it, but no.

“Lazy fat ass, give me to someone who actually moves.”

What in the world??

The next day I went nuts and walked 10,015 steps. Whatcha gonna say now, bitch?

“10,015 steps.”

Seriously?????????????? No, “way to go, lard ass” or anything like that? Come on!

If anyone is interested I have just listed this for sale on eBay, stating it is possessed by the devil in hopes of getting a premium for it. People buy the dumbest stuff, especially when it’s on sale cheap.




  1. Marcia says:

    LOVE! LOVE! LOVE, this post! I have a daughter who is an excercise nut(also wears a size 4). I do not know where this child came from or who her parents are. Obviously, I am right there with you 🙂 p.s., she also has one of those bracelets and absolutely loves it!!! ugh!!

    • Chanin says:

      LOL it is really neat. It is sad though my favorite part is the silent alarm clock. Thanks for the comment!

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