I have a neighbor that I rarely see. He has lived next door for six months now. Once a month for a couple of days I see his convertible BMW parked in the driveway and then he is gone again. Usually a few hours after he arrives an older Nissan Sentra pulls up in front of his house and a hot blonde gets out and goes in.
This is her. I followed her to her Yoga class one day. I snapped the photo as they were kicking me out the door. Apparently, yoga folks frown upon gas issues some people may have when attempting to do an Upward Facing Dog pose. Go figure.
Meet Jeremy Renner. My mysterious neighbor looks just like him. Seriously. The one time I was able to get a peek at this guy, he was sitting out on the front steps in his pjs one Sunday morning playing with his cell phone. I so wanted to walk up and interrogate him.
“Do you work for the CIA? Are you Jeremy Renner’s twin brother? Maybe you are a terrorist. Do you watch Homeland? I love that damn show. Do you know Claire Danes? Is she bi-polar in real life? For the love of God, please put me in handcuffs!”
I thought twice about this and went on in the house without even acknowledging his presence (I bet that drove him nuts).
He was home this past weekend. Same drill. Blonde bimbo shows up. They rarely leave the house. I tried peeping in the windows but never saw them. In 6 months the man has never even taken his trash to the curb. Does he not have trash? How is this possible? I want to get in his house so badly and snoop around. Would that really be illegal if I suspect he is up to no good? I would call that community service.
It will be another month before he is in town again. I am going to do my best to find out more info on mystery man. Please be saving up your money…I might need one of you to bail me out of jail soon.