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Rambo Mama

09/17/2012 by C.

“You’ll shoot your eye out!”



Our backyard has become the most exciting place on earth.  After a few weeks, I was finally able to see the “baby grizzly bear” that was living in our backyard. I wanted to get close enough to get a picture but he would race under our storage shed when I walked out onto the deck.

I am still not sure what it is but it is pretty big and scary looking. After getting a call every evening for several weeks from my mom to go out and shoot at it with my toy BB gun, I decided a BB gun of her own would be the perfect birthday gift for her.

Of course, I had to buy a Red Ryder BB gun. We all loved the movie, “A Christmas Story” so it seemed like it would make it an even better gift to get the real deal. I went up to the Wal-mart checkout to pay for her present.

Teen-age Checker: Can I ask why you are buying a BB gun?

Me: It’s my mom’s birthday present.

Teen-age Checker: You can’t be serious.

Me: Yep, trust me she will love it. Our backyard is a wild kingdom and it will entertain her for hours to shoot at stuff in the yard. Plus it keeps her off QVC. Win-win situation.

Strange old woman behind me in line: Every home should have a BB gun.

Me: Damn right.

I carry off my package with everyone giggling. I don’t care, I know she is going to love it.

I was right. She was practically giddy when she was loading it up.

Mom: No more worries. I will protect the home front.

Me: Cool, mom. Just please don’t shoot the windows in the storage shed or shoot your eye out. (When exactly did I become the parent in this relationship?)

Then I left her for several days without checking in. She called and invited me over for Sunday dinner.

Mom: Well, I don’t think we will have to worry about the bear out back anymore.

Me: Did you kill it????

Mom: Oh no, but I am pretty sure I caused it to have a nervous breakdown. Could you get me more BBs the next time you go to Wal-mart?

Me: I bought you 300 when I gave you the gun a week ago!

Mom: I told you I caused it to have a nervous breakdown and leave. Grizzly bears don’t like it when it rains BBs.

My mom has turned into Rambo. God help me.





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