A new study out states plants can communicate with each other via underground fungi. The plants warn each other about incoming insect attacks. Researchers are very excited about this because they think farms could put this to use by planting a sacrificial plant kept further away from the other crops, if it were attacked the plant would then warn the other plants, giving them more time to prepare.
All these scientists had to do was ask me. I have known this for several months now. Since I have not raised any children and have no animals to care for, I decided I would raise houseplants. I am sure you think this doesn’t compare to the responsibility of children but you are so wrong.
The plants have to be watered and fed. If you do either just a little too much, they die. I don’t think you have the same issue with children. As far as I know, children don’t die immediately after eating or drinking too much. Raising plants is a tough, dangerous job but someone has to do it.
My plants warn each other about me all the time.
Shamrock: Here she comes again with the food. It tastes like shit and she just fed me 3 days ago. WTH, Aloe?
Aloe: I know, I feel your pain. I am barely hanging on here. Last week she gave me her version of a pep talk. “Aloe, you cannot die on me! How is it going to look if I let a stupid houseplant die??? Perk up already!”
Ivy: Oh that’s nothing. Last week she told me houseplants like me are a dime a dozen at Wal-mart and she has no issues throwing me out in the middle of a busy street.
Bamboo: If I hear about her feng shui shit one more time I am going to kill myself! She has me sitting next to foo dogs now. I don’t know what a foo dog is but they are freaking scary.
I am sure children have much better attitudes than these unappreciative and spoiled plants of mine. They are very fortunate my feng shui master says I need them more than they need me or they would be put up for adoption or possibly traded in for a nice, quiet Buddha statue.