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Posts Tagged ‘bugs’

  1. 40 Things About Me

    January 23, 2015 by C.

    For inquiring minds...

    For inquiring minds…

     

     

    I put this together for all of my stalkers and those who just feel the need to know more about me. I apologize in advance. Well, except to my stalkers who are thrilled beyond belief. You’re welcome.

    1.       I hate being outside.

    2.      Mainly because of bugs.

    3.      One time a bee crawled in my pop can while I was golfing. It stung the inside of my upper lip. My lip was huge. Bees don’t taste good in case you were wondering. 

    4.      I love any kind of storm (yes, even snow).

    5.      Rainy days are my favorite…especially if the weather is cooler, like in the 50’s.

    6.      I was in a rock band in high school. I played guitar, but really wanted to play drums.

    7.      I have a set of drums in storage.

    8.     I don’t play them because I am scared of all the bugs in the storage unit.

    9.      Bugs freak me the hell out.

    10.  I love kids in small doses, except for my niece and nephew. I would like a dose of them daily, but they live two hours away.

    11.   I never had kids of my own because I knew my cursing, eating cereal for dinner (Lucky Charms and Fruitty Pebbles)  and my love of staying up all hours would not be healthy for a child.

    12.  Also, I would lock them outside to play all the time, like even in the winter or overnight.

    13.  And I am super selfish and love to spend all my money on zombie toys, books, and Oreos.

    14.  Plus I HATE eating at McDonald’s. It is so gross. I was told once they use cow eyeballs as meat filler. No thanks. But kids love that shit, so no kids for me!

    15.   I however LOVE eating Papa John’s pizza and drinking Cokes.

    16.  I don’t drink alcohol. Ever. I know you probably find that hard to believe since many of my posts are about wine or drinking, but that is not the case. I have allergies to alcohol and I am never sure what will set them off, so I just avoid it altogether. I put those posts up for all of you. Yes, I am super sweet and considerate.

    17.   I have been known to sniff quite a bit of glue, though.

    18.  Not really. My mom just had a heart attack. Sorry Mom!

    19.  My mom lives in the duplex next to mine. I write about her all the time because I think she is very funny (especially when she doesn’t mean to be). She has threatened to sue me many times. I try to make her understand that it will all pay off for her one day (that means she might get a nursing home with activities like basket weaving AND also has attentive aides to wipe her butt).

    20. I have always been determined to be semi-famous. My autograph has been perfected and I am ready for my 1st book signing. Guess I just need to actually write a book.

    21.  I have started approximately 204 books but have not gotten past the 1st chapter of any of them.

    22. I suck.

    23. One of my most favorite things in the world is breakfast buffet. Especially in Vegas.

    24. I hate going to Vegas though.

    25.  I have two dream vacations…one to Italy so I can eat my weight in pasta and hang with George Clooney at Lake Como. 2nd one is a trip to Los Angeles to do nothing but stalk TV and movies stars for a week.

    26. I collect autographs of celebrities and athletes through the mail.

    27.  Out of all of them that have been returned to me signed, the one that truly made me get tears in my eyes was Carol Burnett. I have loved her and her show since I was a child.

    28. I love movies and I am a snob about them.

    29.  Such a snob, I have never watched Dumb and Dumber or Happy Gilmore. I HATE Dirty Dancing and Ghost.

    30. I am also a book snob. Hated Twilight and 50 Shades.

    31.My friends get irritated with me because I make fun of their enjoyment of such movies and books.

    32.  I  had to have one such friend go with me to get my ears pierced when I was 26-years-old, because I hate needles and I was scared to death.

    33. I still hate needles.

    34. I would never make a very good druggie.

    35. I would however be an excellent drug dealer.

    36.  I really want to learn how to shoot guns.

    37. I also want to learn how to throw knives like a ninja.

    38.  I might be a little weird.

    39. Ok, I am a lot weird.

    40. I love each and every person for taking the time out of their day to come to this page and read the things I write. Thank you so very, very much.


  2. Things About Me

    October 4, 2013 by C.

    All about me today.

    All about me today.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    It has been a long week and I am feeling a little lazy. I put this together for all of my stalkers and those who just feel the need to know the real me. I apologize in advance. Well, except to my stalkers who are thrilled beyond belief. You’re welcome.

    1. I hate being outside.
    2. Mainly because of bugs.
    3. One time a bee crawled in my pop can while I was golfing. It stung me inside my upper lip. My lips were huge. Angelina Jolie saw me and the rest is history.
    4. I love any kind of storm.
    5. Rainy days are my favorite…especially if the weather is cooler like in the 50’s.
    6. I was in a rock band in high school. I played guitar, but really wanted to play drums.
    7. I have a set of drums in storage.
    8. I don’t play them because I am scared of all the bugs in the storage unit.
    9. Bugs freak me the hell out.
    10. I love kids in small doses, except for my niece and nephew. I would like a dose of them daily but they live 2 hours away.
    11. I never had kids of my own because I knew it would not be right for a kid to watch football constantly, while eating pizza and cursing at the refs.
    12. Also, I would lock them outside to play all the time. Like even in the winter or overnight with the wild animals in my backyard.
    13. And I am super selfish and love to spend all my money on Pajama Jeans and Oreos.
    14. Plus I HATE eating at McDonald’s. It is so gross. I was told once they use cow eyeballs as meat filler. No thanks. But kids love that shit so no kids for me!
    15. I however LOVE Five Guys Burgers.
    16. They are building one here in town and I am super excited about it.
    17. I don’t drink alcohol. Ever. I know you probably find that hard to believe since most of my posts seem like they might be written by a drunk, but that is not the case. I have allergies to alcohol and I am never sure what will set them off so I just avoid it altogether.
    18. I have been known to sniff quite a bit of glue though.
    19. Not really. My mom just had a heart attack. Sorry Mom!
    20. I have always been determined to be famous. My autograph has been perfected and I am ready for my 1st book signing. Guess I just need to actually write a book.
    21. I have started approximately 204 books but have not gotten past the 1st chapter of any of them.
    22. I suck.
    23. One of my most favorite things in the world is breakfast buffet. Especially in Vegas.
    24. I hate going to Vegas though.
    25. I have two dream vacations…one to Italy so I can eat my weight in pasta and hang with George Clooney at Lake Como. 2nd one is a trip to Los Angeles to do nothing but stalk TV and movies stars for a week.
    26. I collect autographs of celebrities and athletes through the mail.
    27. Out of all of them that have been returned to me signed, the one that truly made me get tears in my eyes was Carol Burnett. I have loved her and her show since I was a child.
    28. I love movies and cannot wait to see “Gravity” on Saturday.
    29. My friends think it looks sad and depressing.
    30. Suck it up buttercups, sometimes life isn’t always perfect.
    31. I am obsessed with Pinterest.
    32. I wish I could find a paid full-time job testing things I find on Pinterest and then writing about them.
    33. I didn’t get my ears pierced until I was 26 years old. Because I hate needles and I was scared to death.
    34. I still hate needles.
    35. I would never make a very good druggie.
    36. I would however be an excellent drug dealer.
    37. I really want to learn how to shoot guns.
    38. I also want to learn how to throw knives like a ninja.
    39. I might be a little weird.
    40. I love each and every person for taking the time out of their day to come to this blog and read the things I write. Thank you so very, very much.

  3. I Hate Critters

    September 26, 2012 by C.

    It looked like this only scarier

     

     

    I am an inside kinda gal. I do not like to go outdoors for anything. I have never been camping because going to the bathroom without a toilet, being eaten alive by mosquitoes and sleeping on the ground is not my idea of a fun weekend. I am weird like that I guess.

    A few weeks ago, I went out for ice cream. The drive-thru was a bug magnet with all their lights. I kept my windows up until the very last minute. As I was placing my order a giant grasshopper flew into my car and landed on my leg. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and flailing around like a lunatic. The Bieber-wanna-be working the window could not stop laughing. If I had thought my fat, ice cream eating ass would fit through my sunroof I would have crawled out of the top of the car to get away from it. This tragedy has weened my desire for ice cream though. Just not worth bug trauma.

    Last night the outside came in the house and scared me to death. I was sitting at my computer typing away and I heard something. Now, I only had a tiny lamp on in my bedroom and could not see very well but from first glance I thought it was a mouse jumping against the wall (yes, I know this makes no sense but at the time it really did). I don’t do mice. As I stood on top of my desk throwing paperclips at it, I noticed that it wasn’t really big enough nor moving quickly enough to be a mouse so I hopped down and decided to put on my big girl panties and go see what it was.

    I got a little closer and thought it was a grasshopper or a cricket. Of course it has me trapped on the side of the room without an exit (although the thought did cross my mind to throw the tv through the bedroom window and jump) so I had to figure out a way to deal with it other than leaving the room and calling a friend to come get it out of the house.

    With shoe in hand and goosebumps from head to toe, I approached the critter. I got pretty close and the bastard flew at me! This thing had giant wings. It looked like a mutant fly. I was swinging that shoe around like a child trying to crack open a piñata. When I opened my eyes, it was crawling under my bed. Oh lovely.

    I could not sleep last night. I kept imagining the critter crawling into my ear and laying eggs and my brain would be overrun by baby critters and I would have cravings to eat grass and to jump against walls. I tossed and turned all night long. I finally got up and stuffed toilet paper in my ears. I knew my eyes, mouth and nose were protected because I was wearing my sleep apnea mask (this was the very first time I was happy about wearing it to bed) and my Diva sleep mask. I felt a little better after that and got around three hours of sleep.

    The critter has not yet been found so I imagine it will be another rough night for me. I won’t be able to rest until it has been disposed of. It is probably a little dangerous to be sleeping with a meat cleaver and ninja stars but I want to be fully prepared for the next visit from the critter. One of us has got to go and it won’t be me.