Haha! The Biebs is done! It is a Christmas miracle!
Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’
December 22, 2014 by C.
December 19, 2014 by C.
I LOVE this one!
December 17, 2014 by C.
This one is for my bestie…she absolutely loves this show but hates my elf. My attempt to get her to like him a little bit…
December 15, 2014 by C.
Jax has been very bad over the weekend. He had a card party while I was away.
December 12, 2014 by C.
I am sorry. Please forgive me.
December 10, 2014 by C.
I had a friend visit this weekend and Jax mounted her. Needless to say, I probably won’t have to worry about my friend visiting ever again.
December 8, 2014 by C.
Well, it is almost time for Christmas and around here that means time to get busy playing with my nasty, horrible elf, Jax. I will go ahead and apologize for us in advance.
If you like it, we will be posting every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings from now through Christmas Eve. If you don’t like it, just continue watching the lame Christmas movies on Lifetime.
December 24, 2013 by C.
I would have to say I have been extraordinarily awesome this year. I know, I know…you’re not impressed with my Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf. I get it…really I do. But here is the thing, Santa. It makes people happy and they laugh. I think that is a positive thing no matter what grossness the Elf is up to. Think about it old man…you know I am right about this.
Now, back to me. I have been super awesome this year and I have a few things on my list I want you to consider dropping off tonight. Here we go…
1.Henry Cavill. Yea, the new Superman. Don’t worry, I promise not to do bad things to him. I just want him to walk around my house without a shirt on and say in his accent, “Chanin, what can I do for you?” Wouldn’t that be nice? Then I will make him paint my house and clean out the garage.
2. I would like Justin Timberlake and Sara Bareilles to play my birthday party. They would call me up on stage to sing with them and Sara would be like, “Wow, you can sing…you are going out on the road with me” and Justin would just be like, “Damn, girl!” and wink at me constantly.
3. I need to write a bestseller so I can sit at home in my pajamas coming up with more stupid shit to write and make more money. So put the best book idea you can come up with in my stocking please.
4. I need a cottage on the beach to write in. I am sure it would inspire all sorts of crazy shit for me to write about and in the winter, I can let my friend, Cindy stay there so I don’t have to listen to her bitch about the winter weather for months on end.
5. I want a crossbow so I can defend myself against the zombies when they come. What’s that? No zombies? Ha, you are getting senile, Santa. The zombies are coming. Get me this and I guess I will defend your ass too.
6. Please get me this VHS to DVD converter. I need to convert some of my favorite
porn tapes to dvd.Um, I mean my set of Time Life “Little House on the Prairie” tapes.
7. I have been asking for this for years now. It cannot be that difficult. Just pay a bunch of kids in a 3rd world country to whip this up for you. I bet five of them could have it done in an hour and it wouldn’t cost you much more than $1. Make it happen, fat bastard. I need this!
8. I need these zombie slippers to keep my feet warm. Plus, they are damn cool.
Well, I think that’s it. Not much, I know. See how nice I am?????
Oh, one more thing…please make sure all my readers and Facebook followers have a kick-ass Christmas! They are the reason I get up and take my happy pills each and every day.
December 9, 2013 by C.
I have finally come up with an elf schedule. Be here every Monday, Thursday and Saturday between now and Christmas for a new elf photo. Then starting December 21st, there will be a photo a day until Christmas. I really appreciate all the shares, likes, etc…this is so much fun to do for you all.
September 7, 2013 by C.
This is my favorite time of the year. Thursday, the NFL officially kicked off and to me it is like being a kid on Christmas Eve. Instead of lying in bed praying Santa will bring me some roller skates, an Easy Bake Oven and will take my little sister with him to work at the North Pole, I toss and turn wondering if I will win all of my fantasy football leagues and if the Steelers will be headed to the Super Bowl. The last few hours before the start of the games is like being upstairs, walking around on your tippy-toes trying to peek to see if Santa has come yet.
The start of the NFL season brightens my mood tenfold. It means NFL games on Sundays, Mondays and Thursday nights. No more watching crappy reality shows because nothing else is on. It means the weather is getting cooler. Soon it will be sweater weather and I love wearing sweaters. The colder the temperatures the better. Bring on the snow.
Football season means big pots of chili, pizzas and chips and salsa. NFL Sunday Ticket and the Red Zone channel are the channels of choice even though it costs me a small fortune. But I don’t even consider the price of something that brings me so much pleasure. I just plan on being broke for the next six months while I make the monthly payments on my Directv bill. I figure it could be much worse, I could be addicted to drugs, alcohol or scrapbooking.
The beginning of football season means my heart is full of hope. My team has had camp, new rookies drafted that should be able to contribute to the team and every team starts out with no wins and no losses. Life is good. You won’t see me without a smile on my face for at least the next 2 months (if the Steelers are winning that smile might even continue into February).
To make matters worse, I also love college football. There are weekends in the fall when I rarely move out of my recliner. It is perfectly heavenly.
Speaking of heaven…when I get there they’d better be broadcasting all the games on a big screen or I will be super pissed. I am a football fan for eternity, people!
December 23, 2012 by C.
This will probably be the last Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf for the year. I will be spending the rest of my holidays near small children and I would hate to be the cause of years of therapy for them. Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas!
December 20, 2012 by C.
December 17, 2012 by C.
December 13, 2012 by C.
Special thanks to my cleavage model! She wishes to remain anonymous for some reason.
December 6, 2012 by C.
The little bastard drained the bottle!
Tune in for more Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf every Monday and Thursday evening between now and Christmas.