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Posts Tagged ‘friends’

  1. Chipmunk Thieves Wanted By Colorado Authorities

    June 8, 2015 by C.

    You poor little bastard!

    You poor little bastard!

     

     

    The past couple of years I have tried to make a point of going on vacation with friends. So far, just road trip type of vacations where we drive for hours to get to our destination and then just chill. Last November, I rented a beach house in Alabama with my Wisconsin friend (shout-out to my exceptional travel companion, Kim Fuller!). We had such a great time, we got along splendidly and it was pretty cost-effective too.

    I am going to try it again this June with a couple of different friends, Cindy and Tackett. We have rented a cabin beside the Big Thompson River in Colorado and will spend four days there just relaxing. Well, that is my plan anyway. The other two have mentioned hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park, taking a haunted tour of the Stanley hotel and last, but not least…chasing furry animals. Yes, you heard that correctly. They are going to spend their days around the cabin trying to cuddle with the wildlife.

    After several days of trying to explain to them just how dangerous this would be, I decided to give up. Their responses were, “Stop talking!” And “you just don’t like animals”. So if they can cuddle a bunny and happen to get eaten by the bear that sneaks up on them, I am not to be held responsible because I tried to warn them. I just hope this doesn’t go down around the cabin so I have to sit and watch or perhaps be considered dessert.

    But the most humorous conversation between these two has been about chipmunks.

    Cindy: “Isn’t it funny how pot is legal in Colorado but we are just going to chase furry animals?”

    Tackett: “Furry animals are more fun. People who smoke pot just eat a ton and we will actually be burning calories by chasing them around!”

    Me: Massively rolling my eyeballs around in my head.

    Cindy: “I really want to cuddle with a chipmunk. They are so cute!”

    Tackett: “Oh, I know…adorable!”

    Cindy: “I have a brilliant idea! Let’s stop and get some pot snacks, crumble them up and get the chipmunks high! That should make it easier to capture them!”

    Tackett: “YES!!!!!!!!”

    Me: “OMG and while you two are doing that I will crumble up Nacho Cheese Doritos and Twinkies and leave a trail so when they get the munchies they will come right into our cabin and will be trapped! You can cuddle them all night long and take them home as pets!”

    Cindy and Tackett simultaneously: “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!”

    Me: “You two are idiots. Those are tiny little animals and the least amount of pot will probably kill them.”

    Cindy: “You don’t know that. What are you some sort of pot expert???”

    Me: “Well no, but you can’t just assume it will work the same in a chipmunk as it does a human.”

    Tackett: “Well, we are going to try it. You will be so jealous when we have chipmunks to take home as pets. We aren’t going to give you one unless you make the Dorito/Twinkie trail for them. That actually sounds really cool, like something I would want to try.”

    Me: “I don’t want a damn wild animal to take home, thank you very much! And is it even legal to remove wildlife like that??? You two are so going to prison and can be someone’s bitch all because you wanted to cuddle a stupid chipmunk. Hahahahahahaha!”

    Cindy and Tackett simultaneously: “Chipmunks aren’t stupid!!!!!”

    Sigh. We are a little more than a week away from leaving on this trip. Please pray for me and the chipmunks.


  2. I’d Like A Blog Post Without the Words Please

    September 27, 2013 by C.

    Leave the chicken out too

    Leave the chicken out too

     

     

     

     

    ***My friend doesn’t want her name in this post so in order to protect her innocence I will refer to her by her stripper name, “Sparkle Sundown.”***

     

    My best friend, Sparkle, was having a pretty serious surgery that would have her out of commission for quite a while. She is married and has two children and they depend on her for pretty much everything. To prevent them from starving, I volunteered to cook one meal a week for three weeks. If they got hungry before the week was up, I am sure her husband has heard of a little restaurant called, “McDonalds”.

     

    After telling my friend this, I started receiving recipes from Pinterest of main courses, side dishes, desserts and even a party punch with lots of vodka. Really??

     

    One of the recipes she sent was Poppy Seed Chicken Casserole. In the memo section of the pin she wrote, “Without the poppies”. I knew she wasn’t at risk of being randomly drug tested as she was off work to recuperate. WTH?

     

    “Hey, y no poppy seeds? I texted.

     

    “They set off my asthma,” was her response.

     

    Out of the millions of recipes on Pinterest she picks one that the main ingredient she cannot eat. This was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

    “Yes, make me macaroni and cheese without the macaroni please.”

    Or…

    “Beef Stroganoff… sans the beef. Beef plugs me up.”

    At least that is what it seemed like to me…

    So I made fun of her for an entire week.

    Apparently you don’t mess with a woman who has had major surgery. I got this text.

    “I HAVE FOOD ALLERGIES, TWAT WAFFLE! GET OVER IT ALREADY!”

    Twat waffle????????????? Ohhhhh someone is NOT getting any vodka punch now for sure!

    Sparkle=hateful.

    In case you want to make some Poppy Seed Chicken…with or without seeds…I don’t really give a shit anymore.

    Poppy Seed Chicken

    Ingredients

      • 5 cups chicken breasts, cooked and cubed
      • 1 cup sour cream
      • 2 (14.5 ounce) cans condensed cream of chicken soup
      • 2 cups crushed Ritz crackers (about 1 1/2 rolls of crackers)
      • 1/2 cup melted butter
      • 1 Tablespoon poppy seeds
    Additional Ingredients to make it fancy:
    • 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
    • 1 teaspoon celery salt
    • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
    • 1 T lemon juice
    • 1/4 teaspoon pepper

    Instructions

    1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
    2. Boil raw chicken breasts with salt and pepper until done. I like to boil it with half an onion cut into large chunks to give it more flavor. Let chicken cool slightly and cut into one inch cubes. Place cubed chicken in a 9X13 casserole dish. *Note: Some people layer some cooked rice on the very bottom underneath the chicken so that it’s a meal in one.
    3. Stir together the condensed soup and sour cream. If you wish to add the additional flavorings stir in the Worcestershire, celery salt, garlic, lemon juice, and pepper to the soup and sour cream mixture. Pour over the chicken.
    4. In a separate bowl, stir together the crushed crackers, poppy seeds and melted butter. Sprinkle over the chicken and sauce.
    5. Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until the top of the casserole is browned and the sauce is bubbly. Serve plain or over rice. We like to eat it with steamed broccoli and we mix it all together.