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Posts Tagged ‘McDonald’s’

  1. McDonald’s Double Drive-Thru: Hell On Earth

    May 2, 2017 by C.

    Hell on Earth


    This country’s been full of angry assholes for several years now. So what did McDonald’s do? Gave them a reason to lose their shit even more…the double drive-thru. So you can collect your heart attack in a bag 30 seconds faster than back in the days of the single line (just think of all the text messages you can send with those precious extra seconds).

    The person who came up with this idiotic idea should be in prison right now. I cannot tell you how many videos I’ve seen floating around on the internets where one car gets dissed and the driver gets out and beats the hell out of the person behind them or in front of them if said person jumped ahead of them in line. It’s just ridiculous. Just this past Sunday, a man was killed in a McDonald’s drive-thru located in Bedford, Indiana.

    According to witnesses, a car in the rear of the line honked. The lunatic up front got it in his crazy head that he was being honked at and it made him angry. He got out of his truck and walked back to what he thought was the guilty automobile, where he found Marine Veteran, Justin Lampkins and punched him in the face. Lampkins gets out of his truck to defend himself and was shot dead. This poor young man lost his life because of double drive-thru rage.

    The problem with the double drive-thru is no one knows the proper etiquette. I wish I could say I could help you out and show you the way so nothing like this ever happens to you, but I really have no clue. My understanding has always been the person who completes their order first, moves forward. But I’ve also read about people who think you need to wait at the entrance, blocking BOTH LANES until one of the lanes is free and then move forward to place an order. Um, no. I can promise you that’s not the way to do it and a good way to get attacked by the line of people stuck out in the road waiting to even pull into McDonald’s due to your lack of etiquette. I’m not gonna lie. I might even get out of my car and jump up and down on your hood for that one.

    Others say, just take turns no matter who ordered first. Well, that’s just stupid because someone else might get my McNuggets and I’ll lose my mind if I get home to find a damn Filet-O-Fish in the bag. LOSE. MY. MIND. Don’t even THINK about depriving me of my McNugget fix.

    My favorite scenario of the double drive-thru is when both of you pretty much finish ordering at the same time. Then it’s a stare down, car inching forward, motor revving, game of Who Gets to Pay First and get out of this hell-hole the soonest. I’ve personally been flipped off in this situation by my opponent and his whole family. Have you ever been flipped off by an entire family? It’s not pleasant, especially when you’re alone in the car and have no one to help you drive the car while you get out and spray their car down with the can of tire foam under your car seat. Although not all that dangerous, at least you won’t have to see their smirking faces or middle fingers anymore.

    The only advice I can offer when it comes to the double drive-thru is always, always, always, take the outer lane. It really does seem to move faster. If that doesn’t work, maybe just try being civil and remember that the food’s going to taste like crap no matter when you get it.



  2. Me and My Ketchup

    June 19, 2012 by C.


    I need this shirt!



    “Ain’t nothing ketchup cain’t fix.” Jared from My Big Redneck Vacation 


    I think most people at some point outgrow their love of ketchup. Being a kid and drowning your McDonald’s nuggets in ketchup is one thing, being an adult and eating ketchup on a $40 steak is a whole other situation.

    Ketchup and I have a long history. Maybe I should be more specific. Heinz ketchup and I have a long history. Hunt’s is disgusting. The cheap off-brands insult my taste buds. It is Heinz or I don’t eat it.

    When I was a teenager I would tell people my dream job would be to work for Heinz in Pittsburgh and have season tickets to Steelers games. I could not imagine a better life. An employee discount on ketchup and attending every home game of my favorite football team…no one would have it better than me.

    When I was in college, I took a class called “Marketing Strategy”. 70% of our grade was a project we would work on to complete a marketing strategy for a major corporation. Of course I picked Heinz. I had to write the company to send me some information (this was before the internet so I couldn’t just send an email or do the research). When my giant package arrived from Heinz I was thrilled. They even sent me a nice note on their letterhead, which I thought was really cool. But the very best part of the package was the coupons they sent me for free Heinz ketchup. Hell yeah!

    I worked on this project for over a month and received a ‘B” for it and for the class. The real reward was learning so much about the company I loved.

    Now as an adult, I still love Heinz ketchup and the unfortunate part of that is sometimes having issues at restaurants. The issues involve people staring at me or making comments while I eat. They are disgusted by what I put my ketchup on. The main item I get the most flack for is biscuits. I don’t eat biscuits and jelly or biscuits and gravy like a normal person. I just want a plain biscuit that I will dip into ketchup. For some reason, this seriously bothers folks.

    “Henry, did you see her dip her biscuit in ketchup?”

    “Martha, you need to mind your own business.”

    “But Henry, that’s just disgusting!”

    This happens all the time.

    It isn’t just biscuits though. I pretty much eat ketchup on everything. Eggs, carrots (cooked), baked potatoes, steaks, meatloaf, fried shrimp, pot roast, fried fish, fried chicken, chicken fried steak and pinto beans with cornbread to name just a few.

    To make my ketchup addiction even more puzzling…I hate tomatoes. I have a “BL” instead of a “BLT”. If someone puts tomatoes on my salad, I pick them all out before even attempting to eat it. Maybe all this proves is I am horribly addicted to sugar since that is what makes those mashed up tomatoes taste so good.

    Nothing makes me more proud than to watch my niece and nephew suck down packets of ketchup. It makes me feel like they have a small part of me in them. But then I realize they are just normal and will grow out of it long before I will.