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Posts Tagged ‘mom’

  1. It Won’t Be the Same

    November 19, 2017 by C.


    I lost my Mom to cancer on October, 14th, 2017 and nothing has been the same since. This is not something I expected to go through this soon. My mother had just turned sixty-eight years old. She never had any real health issues for us to worry about. Before all of this hit, she was my neighbor, living next door to me in the duplex she owned and very rarely asked me for assistance with anything. But in July, she left her home via ambulance and little did we know at the time, was never to return home.

    It’s hard to understand why at times it just doesn’t seem real. This couldn’t have happened. And then something will make it real to me…images of her taking her last breath will pop in my head while driving to work, or going through the medical bills that are still coming in, or when flipping through my phone and seeing photos of her and then realizing why it hurts to look at them now.

    In a perfect world, I would just stay home and hide. Never leave the house. Put myself in a protective bubble and not allow others to breach it. The least of irritations set me off, angering me to a level I’ve never experienced. It can be something so simple, like my cell phone ringing. My biggest wish is just to be left alone. To not have to talk. Interacting with people is just so draining right now. I’m not sleeping well and I’m sure that has a bunch to do with all of this. Perhaps, a week of nothing but sleep would cure me, if I could actually go to sleep.

    The worst part of all of this is all the second guessing. I’m one of those strange people who would like to live/survive/thrive during something like a zombie apocalypse. I won’t quit until I have nothing left to give and I think I just expect that others are the same way. So of course, I wanted her to do chemo. She said she wanted to try the chemo and so we did. And I just can’t help but wonder was that the right decision. Did that expedite her death? She certainly wasn’t the same after trying it and we decided to stop. But maybe once was too much.

    The holidays are right around the corner and I just can’t deal with it right now. I don’t wish to participate. Rain check, please? But I will try. I will go through the motions, like I do every single day. I know it will be ok, I know it will get easier and that life goes on…blah, blah, blah. It will be ok but it will never be the same.



  2. Diets Suck

    June 15, 2014 by C.






    I’ve been on the diet from hell for about a month now. It has been pretty successful in that I have dropped close to twenty-five pounds in that time span. I feel so much better already, it just blows my mind.

    My reasons for starting the diet were many…but the main reason was a vacation I will go on in July with my eleven-year-old niece. I didn’t want to be tired and run down and not be able to do the things she wants to do. I don’t want her to have a crappy vacation because of me.  I just couldn’t live with that.

    Everyone has been very supportive. I have updated my Happy Pills page with my progress every Monday morning. The positive comments I get inspire me and keep me moving forward. It is really important to have positive feedback because I don’t get much of that at home.

    My mother came over one evening to tell me something (I am not sure why she doesn’t call, but whatever).  She asked about my weight loss and I told her all about it…feeling very proud of myself.

    She looked at me and said, “You know what would really help you…a breast reduction. Your back would feel so much better and I bet if you would just drop to a C cup, you would lose 20 pounds.”

    Isn’t that interesting? If you cut off some body parts you can lose weight.

    “Well, while we are at it how about we chop off both my arms…or maybe an arm and a leg. That would make me soooooo much lighter. What a great idea! Why didn’t I think of this sooner?” I replied.

    She stared at me for a few moments and finally responded, “smart ass” and got up from the couch and walked out of my house.

    I don’t care how much my brain weighs; she won’t be getting that removed. I need it in order to deal with her every day.


  3. Happy Birthday to My Mom

    September 8, 2013 by C.

    Love you!

    Love you!



    Today is my Mom’s birthday. Most of you feel like you know my Mom through my blog posts (I have tried to give her a break lately and not publish every funny little thing she says). She has a great sense of humor about being written about and so far hasn’t written me out of her will for it (this is something she likes to threaten us with if we don’t do what she wants lol).

    Today I would like to share a little more about my Mom (she is having heart failure right now reading this).

    My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. It was best for her to be near her family so we moved from Tennessee to Oklahoma. My Dad only had custody of us for one week at Christmas and a month in the summer due to the distance.

    Child support payments were not what they are today, so my Mom had to work her butt off to keep us afloat. My grandfather had purchased a restaurant and the manager was retiring. He asked my Mom to manage it for him. It was a good paycheck but very long, hard hours. Sometimes 14-16 hours a day, in a hot kitchen (we would put thermometers out in the summer to discover it would get to around 113 degrees in there), on concrete floors, working alongside some of the craziest people you could ever imagine. She did all of this for me and my sister.

    She sacrificed her personal life. She didn’t have time to date or go to movies or just hang out with her friends. The restaurant was open 7 days a week, breakfast, lunch and dinner. No day off for her at all. No hair appointments, doctor appointments or calling in sick. Basically, her life sucked.

    When we got old enough (roughly around age 12), my sister and I worked alongside her. Not the same hours of course, because we had to go to school during the day. It was then I really got to see just how much work my Mom had to do. We worked with my Mom until it was decided to sell the restaurant when I was 24 years old.

    It was a tough decision. I wanted to keep it. I was about to graduate from college and would be able to spend more time there helping Mom out. But Mom wouldn’t have it. She didn’t want the same life for me that she had had for so many years. I had a college degree and could have so much more of a life than dealing with a restaurant. So it was sold. At the time it truly broke my heart. I grew up in that place and had so many memories. I didn’t want to let go, but I had no other choice. Where would a 24-year-old kid get the money to buy a restaurant?

    I have never admitted this to my Mom, but I am glad she made me give it up. It was a hard life. I had never gone to a school dance, never had weekends off and I was able to attend only one high school football game (I think it was because it was on a Thursday night for some reason). My life is so much easier now, with weekends and holidays off. More time to spend with family and friends…to actually enjoy myself. So, thank you, Mom.

    She is the best Mom and especially the best Grandma to my niece and nephew. She spoils them with clothes and toys all the time. I am not sure they are fully aware of all the sacrifices Grandma made for all of us, but hopefully sometime I can sit them down and tell them when I know they will be able to understand it.

    Happy Birthday to the best Mom ever! We love you and won’t ever forget all you sacrificed for us to have a better life.


    Chanin and Brennen

  4. Gnats and Gatling Guns

    October 3, 2012 by C.

    The Gatling Gun




    Mom called me at work today.

    “Something is going on out back.”

    As I have shared on many occasions she thinks we are living in the wilderness or something.

    “What is it Mom?”

    “The entire backyard is full of giant black birds and squirrels. I think the end is near or I am in a  re-make of “The Birds” only this time a few squirrels are involved.”


    I laughed and suggested she load up her BB gun and go out there.

    “Oh, no. I need a Gatling gun to deal with all the animals in our yard right now.”

    I had never heard of a Gatling gun before  so I Googled it after getting off the phone with her. Holy crap! I can just see this thing parked out on her deck next to the BBQ grill.

    When I walked in this evening I called to make sure she lived through the re-make of “The Birds + Squirrels”.

    “Have you noticed a large amount of gnats in your house?,” she asked.

    “Yes, I am trying a trick I saw on Pinterest to get rid of them,” I replied.

    “We have never had gnats this bad. I think it is because of all the animal crap in the backyard. Booger probably takes some big dumps considering his size.”

    ***She has nicknamed the baby grizzly bear (aka groundhog) living in the backyard and she picks Booger of all names.***

    “Hmmm, well Mom I don’t even know what to say to that. I am going to go now and see if I still have an appetite for dinner. Glad to know you survived your exciting day.”

    “Listen, before you go…I am going to need just a few more BBs.”

    Why can’t she take up knitting like a normal 60-something year old woman???