Last night I just happened to have a few episodes of the new season on the DVR so I thought I would watch. The first episode was so disgusting I deleted it right after the preview. A woman who licks her cats. Seriously, gives her damn cats a bath WITH HER TONGUE ! I was gagging thinking about it so I had to move on to the next episode.
The next episode is of Mark and his blow up pool float addiction. Yea, you heard me. He is making out with a blow up whale and is totally in love with a blow up dragon. He talks to them, people. My eyeballs were popping out of my head watching this fruitcake in action. I wanted to stop watching it but I couldn’t. I am not sure what that says about me exactly but I am sure it’s not a good thing.
So, I am sharing a small part of Mark’s episode so you all can see what you almost got me into. They would have had me making out and God only knows what else, with a Heinz ketchup bottle on national television.
Y’all are on my shit list for real. Just watch this lunatic in action. When you see him with a pool toy, imagine me with my ketchup bottle.
I shared last month that a representative from TLC approached me for being on a show about weird eating habits (my ketchup addiction). Everyone has been asking for an update on this. The update is they have not called.
Am I upset by this? No. My response to the e-mail could be why they have not called. I located it in my sent items and thought I would share it. She has not called nor sent me the recipe I requested. Geez.
While I think it is cool you have somehow found my blog post about my love of ketchup, I feel I am not the person to be on your show. I am a big fan of the addiction shows you have on your channel and I have seen the majority of the episodes. I do not feel my love of ketchup has any comparison to a man who has a sexual relationship with his car. Nor does it compare to a person that chews on glass, foam or toilet paper. I mean, really??
I suppose I could make it pretty freaky for the almighty dollar (baths in ketchup, a baby bottle full of ketchup I carry around with me so I can get a quick fix or sleeping with the bottles) but I cannot be bought (unless you are talking Honey Boo Boo money). If you ever need a writer for your shows, please give me a call.
If you still want to discuss this, work would probably be the easiest way to reach me…I am here Monday-Friday 8am-5pm central time. 417-xxx-xxxx.
P.S. Could you e-mail me Mama June’s ketchup sketti recipe? That shit sounds good!
This week I checked the email account for this blog and found I was sent a request a week earlier to speak to a casting agent from TLC. She had read my blog post about my ketchup addiction and would like to speak to me about the possibility of appearing on a show about weird food addictions.
My first thought was it was some sort of joke. So I did a little research on the company she said she was with and sure enough…it is a casting agency that does most of the shows on TLC.
I emailed her back and told her I felt certain that I was not addicted enough to qualify to be on “My Strange Addiction” but to feel free to call me and discuss.
At first I just laughed about this. Pretty comical. I write every single day of the week after working a full-time job and instead of my writing being noticed, I get an email about being on a show for freaks. So now, I am a bit depressed about it. I have decided there is no way I will do the show if they offer it to me, unless of course they are willing to pay me a substantial amount of money. That is highly doubtful though, as Honey Boo Boo only gets $4000 per episode. I need at least $10,000 to make an ass of myself on television.
The positive that has come from this is it made me realize that anyone could be reading what I write…an editor at a magazine or publishing company, comedy websites or even someone from Saturday Night Live looking for a new writer. It was a nice reminder that more people read this than just my Mom. So I have hope again.
I will update everyone again if I get a call back any time soon. I could be the next Honey Boo Boo y’all!