RSS Feed

Posts Tagged ‘Pinterest’

  1. Things About Me

    October 4, 2013 by C.

    All about me today.

    All about me today.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    It has been a long week and I am feeling a little lazy. I put this together for all of my stalkers and those who just feel the need to know the real me. I apologize in advance. Well, except to my stalkers who are thrilled beyond belief. You’re welcome.

    1. I hate being outside.
    2. Mainly because of bugs.
    3. One time a bee crawled in my pop can while I was golfing. It stung me inside my upper lip. My lips were huge. Angelina Jolie saw me and the rest is history.
    4. I love any kind of storm.
    5. Rainy days are my favorite…especially if the weather is cooler like in the 50’s.
    6. I was in a rock band in high school. I played guitar, but really wanted to play drums.
    7. I have a set of drums in storage.
    8. I don’t play them because I am scared of all the bugs in the storage unit.
    9. Bugs freak me the hell out.
    10. I love kids in small doses, except for my niece and nephew. I would like a dose of them daily but they live 2 hours away.
    11. I never had kids of my own because I knew it would not be right for a kid to watch football constantly, while eating pizza and cursing at the refs.
    12. Also, I would lock them outside to play all the time. Like even in the winter or overnight with the wild animals in my backyard.
    13. And I am super selfish and love to spend all my money on Pajama Jeans and Oreos.
    14. Plus I HATE eating at McDonald’s. It is so gross. I was told once they use cow eyeballs as meat filler. No thanks. But kids love that shit so no kids for me!
    15. I however LOVE Five Guys Burgers.
    16. They are building one here in town and I am super excited about it.
    17. I don’t drink alcohol. Ever. I know you probably find that hard to believe since most of my posts seem like they might be written by a drunk, but that is not the case. I have allergies to alcohol and I am never sure what will set them off so I just avoid it altogether.
    18. I have been known to sniff quite a bit of glue though.
    19. Not really. My mom just had a heart attack. Sorry Mom!
    20. I have always been determined to be famous. My autograph has been perfected and I am ready for my 1st book signing. Guess I just need to actually write a book.
    21. I have started approximately 204 books but have not gotten past the 1st chapter of any of them.
    22. I suck.
    23. One of my most favorite things in the world is breakfast buffet. Especially in Vegas.
    24. I hate going to Vegas though.
    25. I have two dream vacations…one to Italy so I can eat my weight in pasta and hang with George Clooney at Lake Como. 2nd one is a trip to Los Angeles to do nothing but stalk TV and movies stars for a week.
    26. I collect autographs of celebrities and athletes through the mail.
    27. Out of all of them that have been returned to me signed, the one that truly made me get tears in my eyes was Carol Burnett. I have loved her and her show since I was a child.
    28. I love movies and cannot wait to see “Gravity” on Saturday.
    29. My friends think it looks sad and depressing.
    30. Suck it up buttercups, sometimes life isn’t always perfect.
    31. I am obsessed with Pinterest.
    32. I wish I could find a paid full-time job testing things I find on Pinterest and then writing about them.
    33. I didn’t get my ears pierced until I was 26 years old. Because I hate needles and I was scared to death.
    34. I still hate needles.
    35. I would never make a very good druggie.
    36. I would however be an excellent drug dealer.
    37. I really want to learn how to shoot guns.
    38. I also want to learn how to throw knives like a ninja.
    39. I might be a little weird.
    40. I love each and every person for taking the time out of their day to come to this blog and read the things I write. Thank you so very, very much.

  2. I’d Like A Blog Post Without the Words Please

    September 27, 2013 by C.

    Leave the chicken out too

    Leave the chicken out too

     

     

     

     

    ***My friend doesn’t want her name in this post so in order to protect her innocence I will refer to her by her stripper name, “Sparkle Sundown.”***

     

    My best friend, Sparkle, was having a pretty serious surgery that would have her out of commission for quite a while. She is married and has two children and they depend on her for pretty much everything. To prevent them from starving, I volunteered to cook one meal a week for three weeks. If they got hungry before the week was up, I am sure her husband has heard of a little restaurant called, “McDonalds”.

     

    After telling my friend this, I started receiving recipes from Pinterest of main courses, side dishes, desserts and even a party punch with lots of vodka. Really??

     

    One of the recipes she sent was Poppy Seed Chicken Casserole. In the memo section of the pin she wrote, “Without the poppies”. I knew she wasn’t at risk of being randomly drug tested as she was off work to recuperate. WTH?

     

    “Hey, y no poppy seeds? I texted.

     

    “They set off my asthma,” was her response.

     

    Out of the millions of recipes on Pinterest she picks one that the main ingredient she cannot eat. This was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

    “Yes, make me macaroni and cheese without the macaroni please.”

    Or…

    “Beef Stroganoff… sans the beef. Beef plugs me up.”

    At least that is what it seemed like to me…

    So I made fun of her for an entire week.

    Apparently you don’t mess with a woman who has had major surgery. I got this text.

    “I HAVE FOOD ALLERGIES, TWAT WAFFLE! GET OVER IT ALREADY!”

    Twat waffle????????????? Ohhhhh someone is NOT getting any vodka punch now for sure!

    Sparkle=hateful.

    In case you want to make some Poppy Seed Chicken…with or without seeds…I don’t really give a shit anymore.

    Poppy Seed Chicken

    Ingredients

      • 5 cups chicken breasts, cooked and cubed
      • 1 cup sour cream
      • 2 (14.5 ounce) cans condensed cream of chicken soup
      • 2 cups crushed Ritz crackers (about 1 1/2 rolls of crackers)
      • 1/2 cup melted butter
      • 1 Tablespoon poppy seeds
    Additional Ingredients to make it fancy:
    • 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
    • 1 teaspoon celery salt
    • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
    • 1 T lemon juice
    • 1/4 teaspoon pepper

    Instructions

    1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
    2. Boil raw chicken breasts with salt and pepper until done. I like to boil it with half an onion cut into large chunks to give it more flavor. Let chicken cool slightly and cut into one inch cubes. Place cubed chicken in a 9X13 casserole dish. *Note: Some people layer some cooked rice on the very bottom underneath the chicken so that it’s a meal in one.
    3. Stir together the condensed soup and sour cream. If you wish to add the additional flavorings stir in the Worcestershire, celery salt, garlic, lemon juice, and pepper to the soup and sour cream mixture. Pour over the chicken.
    4. In a separate bowl, stir together the crushed crackers, poppy seeds and melted butter. Sprinkle over the chicken and sauce.
    5. Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until the top of the casserole is browned and the sauce is bubbly. Serve plain or over rice. We like to eat it with steamed broccoli and we mix it all together.

     


  3. Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf

    December 3, 2012 by C.

    Awwwwwwwwwww so cute it makes me want to barf!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Since I live on Pinterest I have been bombarded with images of amazing Elf on the Shelf ideas. That little guy is just so cute and it made me want to get one. So I had one shipped to my home overnight so I could have some fun too.

     

     

    My idea of fun might be slightly different from most of the photos I have seen online. I don’t want cute photos of the elf. I want to put him in some bizarre situations/poses. So believe me, these will get worse before they get better.

    My niece and nephew were visiting and named the elf, “Josh”. Well that is too vanilla for my bad elf so I have re-named him,  Jax Luca. Yea, I am digging that name.

    So please take a seat and let me introduce you to Jax Luca, the bad ass Elf on the Shelf.

    Jax knows the importance of regular bowel movements.

     

     

    Isn’t he adorable??? Check in Thursday for another Jax photo.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     


  4. Pinterest Is Life Changing

    November 16, 2012 by C.

    I am constantly encouraging others to get on Pinterest because it is life changing. Instead of asking for more information I usually get nothing but eyes being rolled at me. Well, that is their loss. I am here to tell you it does change your life. You are inspired to start DIY projects, remodel your home and cook up crock pot recipes galore.

    The only way to prove how Pinterest has changed my life is to show you all what I have done since joining Pinterest.

    This was my home. Nothing fancy, but it was home sweet home. It obviously was in need of some work. Just about every time I set foot on the porch a board would break and my leg would fall through. The windows were drafty and I was heading out to Wal-Mart to purchase some tinfoil to cover them when someone told me about Pinterest.

    Love when rain hits that tin roof.

    Now, please keep in mind the changes did not happen overnight. I have been on Pinterest for over two years now and have worked on improving my home this whole time.

    I do good work.

    This is my new living room. I miss the tin roof but it is nice to no longer need a dozen buckets when it rains. Although, I did save lots of money on bath water.

    Let’s move on to the kitchen.

    I make lots of Bagel Bites in here.

    I really don’t spend too much time in here. I had a chef come in occasionally but that didn’t work out. He was always fixing weird shit instead of pizza and hot dogs.

    This is what he fixed for my first meal.That is like half of an appetizer if it was appetizing enough to eat. I think the green juice is what they give you to clean out your rear end pipes if you know what I mean.

    I am not a contestant on Survivor! Bring me some spaghetti!

    Speaking of rear pipes, let’s move on to the master bath.

    I needed a room whiter than my bare behind.

    Most of the rooms in my house are white. Mainly because I don’t trust my house keeper, Rosita. I have caught her lounging around quite a bit watching Telemundo and it is easy to see if she has been cleaning the white rooms instead of plopping down in my recliner neglecting her duties. It is hard to find good help.

    It’s time to move on to my favorite room in the house…my bedroom.

    Meet Ted and Sarah

    Oh, sorry. Those are my neighbors, Ted and Sarah. They pay me $200 one night a week to sleep in my bed and star-gaze. They are super weird if you couldn’t figure it out but hey, $800 a month pays for a bunch of Bagel Bites and Eggo Waffles. For an extra $100 I serve them donuts in bed and massage their feet.

    People ask me where I got all the money to hire help and build such a nice home. They don’t believe Pinterest gave me a bunch of money. The site may not have given me money but the inspiring quotes helped get me moving in the right direction.

    So true and inspiring.

     

    But the real way I made money was by making these…

    Tails up!

    Taxidermied squirrel decanters are apparently hot in Turkmenistan. Those folks must love to drink. Pinterest taught me everything from how to hunt the squirrels, to preparing the body and then turning them into decanters. I can hardly keep up with hunting all the squirrels needed to fill the orders.

    So, that is the story of how Pinterest has changed my life for the better. Hopefully, Pinterest can do the same for you.

    Now get on out there and start Pinning/Winning!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     


  5. Don’t Mess with Anne Frank

    November 8, 2012 by C.

    Yes, she would.

     

     

     

    Phone rings.

    Me: “Hey, Mom. What’s up?

    Mom: “What in the hell is wrong with you?”

    Me: “High blood pressure, anemia, sleep apnea and anxiety issues over a book I am reading. Have you ever heard of a carnivorous island? Is that even possible? What if our soil becomes carnivorous and all that is left of us is our teeth wrapped up in leaves?”

    Long pause.

    Mom: “I am talking about making fun of Anne Frank. It is completely unacceptable. I am embarrassed that you would do such a thing. She is a martyr! I am guessing you have no idea who she is or what she went through. Unbelievable. What do you have to say for yourself?”

    Me: “I don’t recall making fun of Anne Frank and yes I know who she was and what she went through thank you very much. She invented the Frankfurter and I am really grateful because I love hot dogs.”

    Extremely long pause.

    Mom:  “You cannot be that stupid, can you? You made fun of her on Pinterest.”

    Me: “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

    Mom: “It was a picture of Anne Frank that had “WTF” at the top.”

    The photo in question

    Me: “Did you click on the picture and read the whole thing?”

    Mom: “Oh no, I saw enough.”

    Me: “Well, if you had clicked on it you would have seen the rest of the text that read, “you guys read my diary???” You know like any teenage girl would react when she found out a bunch of people had read her diary?”

    Mom: “It is not funny at all. Leave Anne Frank alone. There is nothing funny about the Holocaust.”

    Click.

    I have to sneak on her computer and un-follow me on Pinterest so she doesn’t see what I pin anymore. Besides, looking at all her photos of Thor is kind of disturbing.

    Why did I think it was a great idea to get her a computer???