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Posts Tagged ‘travel’

  1. The Avis A-holes

    February 7, 2013 by C.






    I am back home after my month of adventures in cold and snowy Springfield, OH.

    Of course, my trip home could not be uneventful now, could it? It is me we are talking about. Good or bad, shit always happens to me that happens to no one else on earth. This was one of those circumstances.

    I got off work a little after 5 pm that Friday and was headed to the hotel to start packing for the drive home Saturday morning. I received a text from my weather guru friend Cindy, warning me of a snowstorm that I would run into somewhere around Indianapolis, IN on Saturday. Uh oh.

    After a quick discussion with Mom, it was decided we would leave that night. Bags flying, throwing dirty clothes at each other, we quickly packed up. I grabbed two of the carts for luggage to roll out to the car and we headed out the front door.

    The backseat was loaded with all the things we might need during our trip and we had saved the luggage and other baggage to put in the trunk. I pushed the button on the remote to pop the trunk. Nothing. I tried the lever by the driver’s seat. Again, nothing. Last resort, I tried the old-fashioned way and put the key in the trunk keyhole. It would turn, but the trunk would not open. Everything was tried to get the trunk open and it would not budge. So I had seen an Avis location behind the hotel in a shopping center. I drove over as quickly as I could to see if I could switch out cars or maybe someone there could get it open. They had already closed for the night.

    We had already checked out of our room, our luggage piled high in the middle of the lobby. I realized the trunk was frozen shut but I really had no idea how to fix that. Mr. Genius wanders into the lobby to suggest we go across the street to Target, buy a hairdryer and a very long extension cord and heat up the trunk until it pops. Did he ever volunteer to go out and take a look? Maybe see if his boy muscles could pop it open? Oh, hell no. Sure as shit ladies, chivalry is dead.

    I called Avis. The way I looked at it was if they would bring me gas for being stupid enough to run their car out of fuel, surely they would come open this trunk. I explained the whole story of a snowstorm coming, having checked out of the hotel and needing to leave town as soon as possible.

    Avis Asshole: “How did this happen?”

    Me: “God is trying to punish me for something.”

    Avis Asshole: “I am serious. How did this happen?”

    Me: “I have no idea. It is freaking cold here and it snows a bunch…my guess is that is somehow related to the trunk being frozen shut.”

    Avis Asshole: “Well, we don’t provide roadside assistance for frozen trunks.”

    Me: “But if I were to run the car out of fuel, you would send someone? That makes a lot of sense. I guess I will go run the car out of gas and then give you a call so someone can bring me gas and open the damn trunk.”

    Avis Asshole: “What do you want me to do?”

    Me: “Send someone to open this trunk or give me a different car to drive home. Pretty simple.”

    I have him on speaker phone in the lobby. Every once in a while my mom would jump in and say things like, “Well the next time her company rents her a car for a month she won’t be using Avis, you jackass.” I really don’t understand why he didn’t want to help us.

    He told me I could drive 25 miles to the airport in Dayton, Ohio and have them try to open the trunk. If they could not open it they would give me a different rental car to take home. I really didn’t want to do all that driving…such a waste of time. I just wanted to get out of there. I told Avis Asshole we were going to try one more time to get it open and if it didn’t work, I would drive to the airport.

    My bright idea was for Brittany (the desk clerk at Fairfield Inn) to pour hot water all over the trunk while I tried to pop it. She did and with the two of us pushing like hell it finally popped. I tossed the luggage in the trunk, we gave Brittany big hugs and took off.

    We made it back to Missouri without running into the snowstorm. I returned the car to Avis without saying a word about the incident. What do I get for keeping my mouth shut?

    Avis Asshole #2: “I guess I will have to get this in quickly for an oil change since you put so many miles on it.”

    Well, I guess I should have changed the oil while I was popping the trunk. My bad!

  2. Me and Mom Be Trippin’

    January 20, 2013 by C.

    Ohhhhh early bird dinner specials! Yea!

    Ohhhhh early bird dinner specials! Yea!





    As of today, I am starting on my 3rd week in Springfield, Ohio. When I was first told that I was going (for a week), my mom mentioned it might be fun for her to go along and she would pay her own way etc, etc. That was fine with me but then a few days before leaving it was turned into being gone for 2 weeks. I honestly thought she would want to stay home. I mean hell, I didn’t even want to go for a week, let alone for 2.

    Surprisingly, she said she still wanted to go. After being in Springfield for 3 days, this 2 week stay then turned into staying for a month. I volunteered to drive her home on a Saturday and drive back alone on a Sunday but she didn’t want to leave. She said she didn’t like the idea of my being alone all this time in a strange city. I am 41-years-old for shits sake!

    So here I sit, sharing a hotel room with my mom for 2 more weeks. The most disturbing part of this is that I am starting to act more and more like an old lady. Here are the new habits I have picked up from spending so much time with her…


    I like to have had my dinner no later than 6 pm. We have a routine where I get off work and pull up in front of the hotel, then we immediately go to wherever she has picked for dinner. Most nights it is a place that offers an early bird dinner special. She gets very excited about this because she boxes up part of it for her lunch the next day and saves money.

    I am in my pajamas by 7:30. Lights out usually by 9:30. At home, I was up past 11 every night.

    Laying out all of my medication the night before I need it. Thinking of getting a pill-box soon to match Mom’s.

    Bitching about all my hotel neighbors.”Seriously, another damn kids birthday party at the pool??? There is water all over the floor and someone is going to fall and break a hip!”

    There are things she does that I have not picked up on because frankly it freaks me out. Her evening treat is to get on my laptop (because she cannot figure out how to connect to the hotel Wi-Fi when I am not here) and getting online to look at the obituaries in our hometown online newspaper. Why do people look at this stuff? If a  friend or family member died, I would hope someone would notify you and you would not have to find out about it online. Why care about the deaths of complete strangers? This is what I hear every night, “Chanin, a 2-year-old baby died. Is that not horrible?”

    “Yes, it is horrible.”

    “Awwww and a 32-year-old woman. That is just too young to die. Oh, and she had kids! Those poor babies.”

    I got tired of listening to the stories of the dead strangers so I got out my tablet one night and filled my ears with headphones, watching a video. She just continued talking to me. I couldn’t hear what she was saying but I heard her voice just talking away about something…probably a homeless man died or something.

    Then there are her motherly warnings that are getting old now…

    We have been very fortunate and not had any snow while we have been here. But every morning, she gets up to warn me about black ice. I am not sure where this mystery black ice has come from but it is something that shows up during the night, every single night, just waiting out there on the highways to spin my car out of control.


    “Can you please get us back to the hotel? It is dark and I don’t like being out after dark. Someone will see these out-of-state plates and knock us in the head.”

    Being knocked in the head doesn’t sound so bad right now.


  3. 9 Things I Miss About Home

    January 13, 2013 by C.






    It has been a few years since I was sent off on a trip for work. My last trip was to sunny Jacksonville, Florida. This trip…to bitterly cold Springfield, Ohio.

    Normally, I enjoy traveling for work because you get to stay in a decent hotel, eat out and see new things. The longest I have ever been sent away was for 5 business days. This time, I was told up front I would be gone 2 weeks. That is a long damn time to be away from home. I sat and thought about it and realized the longest I have ever been away from home was for 7 days, when I took a trip to Hawaii. This was going to require me to actually go to a laundromat and wash my clothes instead of just stuffing my smelly socks into a big trash bag to take back home with me.

    I was here for a few days when it was suggested I might be staying here for a month. I must have done something really bad for God to be punishing me in this way.

    It is day 7 now and I have made a list of the many things I miss from home already. After a month, I will be a basket case for sure.

    1. My big screen TV. When you have to squint to watch TV something is wrong. I think the TV in my room might be 19 inches. At home I have a 60 inch. I miss my TV.

    2. My DVR. I did not realize how dependent I was on this electronic device. For instance, I have no clue what time/channel anything is on anymore because my DVR just finds it and records it for me to watch later. I have already missed Downton Abbey because I could not find PBS on this stupid TV. I don’t like to miss Downton Abbey.

    3. My washer and dryer. Today I had to go wash my clothes in a laundromat for the first time ever. I did not care for this too much. An elderly Hispanic man plopped his chair in front of my dryer and was watching my granny panties spin around in the dryer. I was going to act all mad about it and make him move but really I was a little flattered.

    4. My time zone. Eastern time sucks. I tried to keep my butt up late enough to finish all these football games but I have only managed to make it into the 3rd quarter before passing out.

    5. Home cooking. Even Bagel Bites sound like a treat right now.

    6. My garage. I am not used to scraping  ice off my windshield every morning. I tried to get the desk clerk to do it for me one morning. He refused. Talk about shitty customer service.

    7. My car. The rental car I have been set up to drive was made for midgets. I have already emailed the travel company that set up this car to see if I can exchange it for an Escalade. For some reason she hasn’t responded.

    8. Redbox. I rent a bunch of movies. These things are on every corner back home. I have yet to find one here. It would be nice to grab a movie to watch on my laptop one night but that just isn’t an option.

    9. My friends. Oh, I have friends here too. Brittani, the desk clerk and weirdo George across the hall (he sits outside his room in a pool chair eating Cheetos and waving to everyone that passes by). But they aren’t near as wonderful as my friends back home.

    I can’t wait to get home but I will make the best out of the situation like I always do. Tonight, George and I are roasting marshmallows over his lighter to make some smores. Good times.