RSS Feed

Posts Tagged ‘vacation’

  1. Chipmunk Thieves Wanted By Colorado Authorities

    June 8, 2015 by C.

    You poor little bastard!

    You poor little bastard!

     

     

    The past couple of years I have tried to make a point of going on vacation with friends. So far, just road trip type of vacations where we drive for hours to get to our destination and then just chill. Last November, I rented a beach house in Alabama with my Wisconsin friend (shout-out to my exceptional travel companion, Kim Fuller!). We had such a great time, we got along splendidly and it was pretty cost-effective too.

    I am going to try it again this June with a couple of different friends, Cindy and Tackett. We have rented a cabin beside the Big Thompson River in Colorado and will spend four days there just relaxing. Well, that is my plan anyway. The other two have mentioned hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park, taking a haunted tour of the Stanley hotel and last, but not least…chasing furry animals. Yes, you heard that correctly. They are going to spend their days around the cabin trying to cuddle with the wildlife.

    After several days of trying to explain to them just how dangerous this would be, I decided to give up. Their responses were, “Stop talking!” And “you just don’t like animals”. So if they can cuddle a bunny and happen to get eaten by the bear that sneaks up on them, I am not to be held responsible because I tried to warn them. I just hope this doesn’t go down around the cabin so I have to sit and watch or perhaps be considered dessert.

    But the most humorous conversation between these two has been about chipmunks.

    Cindy: “Isn’t it funny how pot is legal in Colorado but we are just going to chase furry animals?”

    Tackett: “Furry animals are more fun. People who smoke pot just eat a ton and we will actually be burning calories by chasing them around!”

    Me: Massively rolling my eyeballs around in my head.

    Cindy: “I really want to cuddle with a chipmunk. They are so cute!”

    Tackett: “Oh, I know…adorable!”

    Cindy: “I have a brilliant idea! Let’s stop and get some pot snacks, crumble them up and get the chipmunks high! That should make it easier to capture them!”

    Tackett: “YES!!!!!!!!”

    Me: “OMG and while you two are doing that I will crumble up Nacho Cheese Doritos and Twinkies and leave a trail so when they get the munchies they will come right into our cabin and will be trapped! You can cuddle them all night long and take them home as pets!”

    Cindy and Tackett simultaneously: “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!”

    Me: “You two are idiots. Those are tiny little animals and the least amount of pot will probably kill them.”

    Cindy: “You don’t know that. What are you some sort of pot expert???”

    Me: “Well no, but you can’t just assume it will work the same in a chipmunk as it does a human.”

    Tackett: “Well, we are going to try it. You will be so jealous when we have chipmunks to take home as pets. We aren’t going to give you one unless you make the Dorito/Twinkie trail for them. That actually sounds really cool, like something I would want to try.”

    Me: “I don’t want a damn wild animal to take home, thank you very much! And is it even legal to remove wildlife like that??? You two are so going to prison and can be someone’s bitch all because you wanted to cuddle a stupid chipmunk. Hahahahahahaha!”

    Cindy and Tackett simultaneously: “Chipmunks aren’t stupid!!!!!”

    Sigh. We are a little more than a week away from leaving on this trip. Please pray for me and the chipmunks.


  2. The Looming Vacation

    July 7, 2014 by C.

    Slow down so I can chew on your ear!

    Slow down so I can chew on your ear!

     

     

     

    For whatever reason I got this crazy idea I should take my mother and my 11-year-old niece on a vacation this summer. We are going to road trip it up to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore and a few other attractions, then head over to Wyoming and then cut down to Colorado and spend a day in Estes Park, then head back home.

    We ordered a few tourism guides and one of the things I saw was “Bear Country USA” south of Rapid City, SD. They have a “Babyland” where you can see baby bears up close and I thought my niece would love that. You also drive through their 250 acre park where you come across all sorts of wildlife…yes, including bears.

    I made the mistake of mentioning it to my mother.

    “Are you nuts??? Those bears could eat us! Or at the very least tear up your car!”

    “Mom, we are in a car. If it gets too close, I just drive away. Pretty simple.”

    “Obviously you have no idea how fast bears can run. They are much quicker than you think.”

    “Can a bear run 40 miles per hour??? 60 miles per hour? Whatever it takes, I can outrun a damn bear in my car.”

    “Chanin, I would just really prefer we skip doing this. It is just too dangerous.”

    “We are doing this…I have already told Blakely about it. She is excited. If the bears get too close I will drive 60 miles per hour to get away from them. If a bear can keep up with us at 60, I am just gonna stop the car and roll down all the windows because that bear deserves a tasty treat.”

    She gave me a dirty look and left shaking her head.

    I can tell you right now, I am going to need to be heavily medicated for this trip.

     

    Check out Bear Country USA!