I am back home after my month of adventures in cold and snowy Springfield, OH.
Of course, my trip home could not be uneventful now, could it? It is me we are talking about. Good or bad, shit always happens to me that happens to no one else on earth. This was one of those circumstances.
I got off work a little after 5 pm that Friday and was headed to the hotel to start packing for the drive home Saturday morning. I received a text from my weather guru friend Cindy, warning me of a snowstorm that I would run into somewhere around Indianapolis, IN on Saturday. Uh oh.
After a quick discussion with Mom, it was decided we would leave that night. Bags flying, throwing dirty clothes at each other, we quickly packed up. I grabbed two of the carts for luggage to roll out to the car and we headed out the front door.
The backseat was loaded with all the things we might need during our trip and we had saved the luggage and other baggage to put in the trunk. I pushed the button on the remote to pop the trunk. Nothing. I tried the lever by the driver’s seat. Again, nothing. Last resort, I tried the old-fashioned way and put the key in the trunk keyhole. It would turn, but the trunk would not open. Everything was tried to get the trunk open and it would not budge. So I had seen an Avis location behind the hotel in a shopping center. I drove over as quickly as I could to see if I could switch out cars or maybe someone there could get it open. They had already closed for the night.
We had already checked out of our room, our luggage piled high in the middle of the lobby. I realized the trunk was frozen shut but I really had no idea how to fix that. Mr. Genius wanders into the lobby to suggest we go across the street to Target, buy a hairdryer and a very long extension cord and heat up the trunk until it pops. Did he ever volunteer to go out and take a look? Maybe see if his boy muscles could pop it open? Oh, hell no. Sure as shit ladies, chivalry is dead.
I called Avis. The way I looked at it was if they would bring me gas for being stupid enough to run their car out of fuel, surely they would come open this trunk. I explained the whole story of a snowstorm coming, having checked out of the hotel and needing to leave town as soon as possible.
Avis Asshole: “How did this happen?”
Me: “God is trying to punish me for something.”
Avis Asshole: “I am serious. How did this happen?”
Me: “I have no idea. It is freaking cold here and it snows a bunch…my guess is that is somehow related to the trunk being frozen shut.”
Avis Asshole: “Well, we don’t provide roadside assistance for frozen trunks.”
Me: “But if I were to run the car out of fuel, you would send someone? That makes a lot of sense. I guess I will go run the car out of gas and then give you a call so someone can bring me gas and open the damn trunk.”
Avis Asshole: “What do you want me to do?”
Me: “Send someone to open this trunk or give me a different car to drive home. Pretty simple.”
I have him on speaker phone in the lobby. Every once in a while my mom would jump in and say things like, “Well the next time her company rents her a car for a month she won’t be using Avis, you jackass.” I really don’t understand why he didn’t want to help us.
He told me I could drive 25 miles to the airport in Dayton, Ohio and have them try to open the trunk. If they could not open it they would give me a different rental car to take home. I really didn’t want to do all that driving…such a waste of time. I just wanted to get out of there. I told Avis Asshole we were going to try one more time to get it open and if it didn’t work, I would drive to the airport.
My bright idea was for Brittany (the desk clerk at Fairfield Inn) to pour hot water all over the trunk while I tried to pop it. She did and with the two of us pushing like hell it finally popped. I tossed the luggage in the trunk, we gave Brittany big hugs and took off.
We made it back to Missouri without running into the snowstorm. I returned the car to Avis without saying a word about the incident. What do I get for keeping my mouth shut?
Avis Asshole #2: “I guess I will have to get this in quickly for an oil change since you put so many miles on it.”
Well, I guess I should have changed the oil while I was popping the trunk. My bad!