1. Send yourself flowers. Face it, you have the money because you obviously don’t spend money on makeup or hot clothes to get a boyfriend of your own. When the flowers arrive, loudly read the card, “Missing you so much…Love Tim Tebow”. Watch all the chicks in your office spaz out.
2. Call the most popular restaurant in town and make about 20 different reservations for the same time. Look in the phone book for random call back names and numbers to give them. It will really screw up the Valentines dinner of a bunch of hungry people.
3. Park and watch for happy couples going to the movies on Valentines. Then get out and shoot arrows in their tires with Cupid’s crossbow. That will teach them.
4. Just get drunk. This solves about 90% of all problems.
5. Go into work early on 2/15. Take all the flower arrangements off the bitch’s desks that are lucky enough to have actual boyfriends/husbands to send them flowers and toss them in the dumpster. Claim that they set off your allergies and had to go.
6. Steal all the cute Valentines candy they put on their desks and blame the janitor.
7. Put a basket of pregnancy tests in the ladies room at work. Just a gentle reminder that diddlin’ on Valentine’s Day can cause you to have children and none of them will be near as cute as Blue Ivy Carter.
|Thank God I look like my Mom!|
See, being single isn’t all that bad on Valentine’s Day. At least you won’t have to deal with a boyfriend giving you a gym membership,a hair removal system or lingerie. Men really are clueless sometimes.